How to handle jealousy

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15-08-11, 07:32 AM
Vanity

How to handle jealousy

Alright, I will try to keep this brief.

I am a gamer, yeah lame I know, whatever. Anyway I met a guy in an online game, we played together everyday for a month or so and eventually found each other on facebook and discovered we did not live very far from each other. We quickly made plans to meet and we did. It was instant chemistry between us and it was not long after our first meeting that we began to to date and now we have been dating for almost a year.

I never expected to meet the love of my life online and he is definitely the love of my life. He is sweet, thoughtful, very hot, ambitious, smart and a little nerdy like me ;) . Did I mention he is hot? Not the kinda guy you expect to find through an online game.

Our time together can only be described as perfect. We absolutely never fight, and every time I'm with him I just feel happy.

Now for the one problem. There is another girl that he has never met and has been gaming with since before me and him met. They talk a lot on facebook and such. Their friendship has never really bothered me before. But lately its been making me a little uncomfortable. I noticed when he comments on her facebook photos he says things like "so cuuuuute! <3" and "aww you are a cutie <3" and I found out today he mailed her a birthday present, an album of her favorite band that just came out.

I know he loves me and would never ever cheat on me. I am positive they are just good friends. But I can't stop the little pangs of jealousy I get when I see these things. I don't know what I should do to stop them. I don't know if I should tell him how I feel because I don't want him to think I am trying to control him or anything...

Any advice? :upset:
15-08-11, 07:35 AM
maxmax

Just tell him how you feel.

Simples ... noob.
15-08-11, 07:46 AM
Vanity

Yes, but its not that simple. I am scared to tell him because I don't want him to know I am jealous. I fear he will think less of me for it.
15-08-11, 07:56 AM
maxmax

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanity [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes, but its not that simple. I am scared to tell him because I don't want him to know I am jealous. I fear he will think less of me for it.

Do you really think he will think less of you?

As your boyfriend he should be able to listen to you without being too judgemental.

The flipside is that as his girlfriend you should also trust him.

Only you know how to judge the interactions between the two of them. If you feel your jealousy is misplaced, then try and control it.

If you find that you can't, then you're better off talking to him about it.

Remember, communication is a major element in a healthy relationship. Lack of it is never a good thing.
15-08-11, 07:58 AM
HeartIsAching

Yep. You feel insecure. Insecurity is what causes jealousy. That's it.

Now it's time for me to sound like a
[Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Get some counseling. Try to figure out the reasons for your insecurity and fix it.
15-08-11, 08:23 AM
MaidenMinx

Reasons for her insecurity HIA

She's 17 in love with a 22 yr old!

Yes, OP, that does make a difference. You haven't the life experience to know what is acceptable to you and what isn't.

Personally, I'd be pulling him up on his behaviour. It's one thing to compliment a friends photo, but the <3 would bug the hell out of me. That combined with gifts I found out about after the fact, well I'd be ticked off.

Then again, my hubby does nice things for lots of people, often females. The difference is he tells me and the gifts are never anything more than a burnt CD or some excess thing we have lying around. If he was going to spend money on someone else, he would let me know before hand. I will admit the difference being that we live together and have a family together but even before we moved in together we had discussed what is and isn't appropriate.
15-08-11, 08:39 AM
Vanity

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Personally, I'd be pulling him up on his behaviour. It's one thing to compliment a friends photo, but the <3 would bug the hell out of me. That combined with gifts I found out about after the fact, well I'd be ticked off.

Yes, I would not mind him telling another girl she is cute, it was the hearts that made me uncomfortable. I didn't know if i was being silly for it.

As for the gift, I am not sure how I feel to be honest. They have been friends for a long time and were friends before me and him were dating. Like your husband, my boyfriend is a sweetheart and is nice to everyone. While he has gotten presents for his real life friends, I don't think he has sent any of his other online friends birthday presents.

I suppose I am going to have to tell him how I feel, I am just so nervous! Our relationship has been so perfect, I don't want to ruin it.
15-08-11, 07:31 PM
Fairydust

Better to tell him it bothers you now than to let the issue fester until you end up in a rage...

I have to say if my bf sent messages with <3 on I would probably find it a tad weird too.

How did you see the comments on her pictures anyway? Are you friends with her too or have you been snooping??
15-08-11, 08:31 PM
Kiechi

I can already see OP's relationship crash and burning...
16-08-11, 01:59 AM
Vanity

Quote:

How did you see the comments on her pictures anyway? Are you friends with her too or have you been snooping??

Me and him game together, so I met a lot of his gaming friends, including her. She friended me on facebook so that's how I see her pictures. Don't get the wrong impression, she is a nice girl and I like talking to her.

Quote:

I can already see OP's relationship crash and burning...

I talked to him about it last night. I am so glad I did because I feel much better now. He told me he didn't mean anything by the hearts and said he would stop doing them if it made me uncomfortable. The present was because she has a lot of family problems and was getting ignored on her birthday, he cares about her, but only as a good friend. It was after all, only a cd. Promised me I had nothing to worry about, if he wanted to be with her or any other girl he could have done it a long time ago but didn't because he did not like her in that way. He then told me he loved me and could never love another girl the way he loves me.

Honestly, I already knew all this. I trust him and knew he would not betray me. As HeartIsAching said, I'm just an insecure person. I am glad I worked everything out with him. Thank you for the advice everyone.