Im back...the next step...
Hello all... It has been a long time since i last visited this forum. A lot has happened. Let me briefly summarize before i proceed.
The first time i posted here was october 2009. I just met a woman who was in the same situation as i was.... Going through divorce....with two young children. We were friends at first, but soon became romantically involved. I was going through soke insecurities at first, but that all passed. Then last summer i lost my job, at the same time her ex stopped paying. I had to support my own kids and her family on virtually no income.
We got engaged last december, right after i got a new job. This past april i lost my job again, but i work part time to make ends meet. Last month we moved into a townhouse together, just us and her two kids. My kids are still living with their mom. My fiancee is now working for my dad as a medical assistant. Money is tight, but it's not exhausted.
Since we moved in together, we had two big fights which prompted breaking up. One was her spending all day with her friend and didnt bring her keys, so i waited at home all day so she wouldnt be locked out. She didnt answer her cell, so i had no idea when she would come back. When i sounded angry and called her "inconsiderate", she slapped me so hard my neck cracked. She later apologized and we patched things up.
Then it was last weekend when i commented on how much she was into japanese stuff. She's white and i am chinese. I dont particularly like japanese people because of my upbringing..... Smilar to how jews would not like nazi germans. She decorated our home with japanese buddhist themes, and she spends much to much time reading japanese mangas. I asked her does she do this to annoy me, knowing that i am not particularly into the japanese culture. She says thats what she likes. I told her i dont like it, and please stop offending me. A big fight insued, and she basically said it was over. I went to bed alone, and in the middle of the night she craweled into bed with me and made love to me...and apologized. I apologozed too...and figure i'll just put my cultural prejudices aside and just have her do whatever she wants. I was kinda going nuts so i was probably being irrational.
My concern is that i hate fighting. I was in a 12 years marriage where fighting was the norm. She has expressed that she feels strange living in a new house..like she is merely a visitor. I did everythng possible to make her feel at home. Everything decorative in the house is hers......the is no trace of me anywhere asides from my computer desk and home theater. Her kids love the place. I am happy that i get to be with her every day now. But i feel there is a growing gap between us. She is depressed. Im depressed. And we fight.
We postponed pur wedding till next year because we dont have enough time to plan it. Im wondering if i am making the right choice.
