My ex-boyfriend (I hate saying that) and I are both 19 years old. We were together for nearly 3 years, since we were juniors in high school. We've known each other since 7th grade, and neither of us have ever been with anyone else.
He broke up with me two days ago after an entire week of arguing and then another week of him shutting me out; withdrawing. He finally decided to come over to my house and talk about whatever was going on, and I knew something bad was in the works. At first, he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He didn't come over and straight-up break up with me. We talked for a while and it ended in him pretty much explaining that he feels confused about "who he is" and he thinks he needs to break up with me so he can "find himself." Sort of cliche, but I understand. As expected, I did not take this very well. I was (and still am) very in love with him, and naturally I begged him to reconsider. I'm sure that wasn't my best course of action, but I went with my emotions. We were both sobbing when he finally left my house.
He and I have had some contact since then... I've called him crying and texted him, and we've been very sweet to each other. Today he came over for a "final talk" and to take some of his things that were left at my house. I read him a letter that I wrote, and he essentially told me that while neither of us knows what will happen and that we'll "be together if it's meant to be," I need to respect his decision and try to shift the way I think of him. He said that he cannot completely rule out the possibility of us getting back together in the future because no one knows how we'll feel in a few months, but he does not want me to get my hopes up about it. He wants me to try and take care of myself and proceed as if we are surely broken up forever. At the same time, he said that he cares for me deeply and he wants to be there for me when I need him. I've struggled with some anxiety issues, and he has been one of my biggest supporters as I've sought therapy and other methods of treatment. He is truly an amazing person and we both care for each other so much. He cried when I returned some of his things, and we gave each other a long hug. It hurt like nothing has ever hurt before.
I attend college in another town, while he attends a university in our hometown. We made it through a year of being long-distance and I feel that I've done everything I can to establish a life for myself separated from him. I even took a trip to Africa for an entire month this summer, and he is involved with many things on his own campus. We are planning to see each other next week to say goodbye before I move back to school (about 3 hours away) for the year. He has also said that it's alright for us to meet up over breaks from school and talk about whatever we might feel at the time.
Right now, I'm just confused as to what I should do. I love him very, very much, and the only thing on my brain is how to bring us back together. I've talked to so many friends, and the general consensus seems to be that the only possibility of him wanting me back is if I take care of myself and try to "let him go." I know that if he is going to miss me, I need to let him miss me and see that I am a strong, independent woman. At the same time, I'm scared that if I let him go, he will move on quickly and I will be stuck with this deep love and longing to be reunited with him. The thought of him being with someone else and realizing that he doesn't need me is so terrifying.
I'm reassured that he still wants to be a part of my life, but I'm lost as to what to do. I just want "us" back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated... I suppose I'm just looking for threads of hope that my chances for a relationship with him are not completely gone.
Thanks in advance!
