Who am I?

I don't know anymore. I am numb. I have lost my dignity and self esteem. It's been a year since she went away, and I am crazy now. She ripped my guts out again and again and I let her. I lost a good job, started using drugs, been to jail and almost took my life. I was happy, had friends, and a good life before her. I have always been independent. It's been 300 days of hell and I can't let her control my life anymore. I haven't heard a word from her in months. Why do I still love this woman? What the hell! I've been reduced to nothing but a lowlife. I can't believe this happened to me. But, I think I'm waking up from this nightmare finally. She is bad, very very bad. Never imagined in a million years I would say that about my best friend someday. Its hard for me to grasp how two people can be inseperable one minute, and not care the next. I could never do that to anyone. I was awesome, and I let her make me believe it was all my fault. I believed her lies, because she is too immature to say the truth. Today I am going to do my best to let go and take my life back. I'm too good for her, and she doesn't deserve me!

Don't worry, you'll fit right in here just perfect with the rest of the loonies.

I don't know what happened in your relationship but no one is worth you taking your life over. Your new life is in front of you if you can let go of the past. There will be someone else and things will be better because you are a better person now, you can make better choices than before. Let her go. No one should suffer the way you have over any one person. There are millions of women out there and once you can finally let go of your obsession with what could have been with her you will be able to get your life back together. We sometimes love people who are not able to really love us back the way we deserve so the universe removes them from our lives so there will be room for someone else to come in who can love us and treat us well.
At least this is what I am telling myself as I am in a heart breaking situation right now myself. I know exactly what you have gone or are going through and I am not new to this kind of pain unfortunately I am have through many relationships that have not ended well but I know and believe that everything that happens helps us to grow as individuals, to become better people and in turn we will attract better people into our lives. Hang in there! Your future is brighter than your past. Believe it!