Redneck Home Security System

This actually might work, lol

REDNECK HOME SECURITY SYSTEM:

1. Buy a pair of size 14-16 work boots. 2. Put them on front porch with a copy of Guns & Ammo. 3. Put some giant dog dishes next to boots & magazines. 4. Leave note on your door: "Bubba: Me & Bertha went for more ammo & beer. Back soon. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they messed the mailman up bad this morning. I don't think Killer took part; hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. ~Cooter

^

you're assuming that the burglar can read ?? :)