Need advice when a girl when she says "she doesn't know what she wants"

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05-09-11, 06:50 AM
92luder

Need advice when a girl when she says "she doesn't know what she wants"

Well I am 23 and this girl that I was seeing is 21. We had something going on last summer and I was her first, but around December it ended badly. We still stayed in contact every now and then. Then she was lying to me till May about being with one of my old friends who I don't associate with anymore. I found out and confronted her and it was a huge argument, but he left her that week because he was basically using her and had other girls on the side that she didn't know about. So she was trying to talk to me a lot more and wanted to hangout now. I gave in because I do care a lot for this girl. She wasn't going back home because she was staying here for an internship for the summer. So we have a great summer and everything is great. We are basically together and she says we are exclusive. Well in August I brought up being official and she turned it down and that is where we start arguing. She also started talking to the guy she was with she was lying to me about. So now that all her friends are back here for school she says she is not ready for a relationship and doesn't know what she wants. So I try to ignore her and not contact her but it was hard for me to do it. So we continue to talk and one day she says she made a mistake and is crying. I go over to see her and she says she will do anything to have me back and will be official. So we hooked up that night and the next day we are talking, but all of a sudden I ask a simple question about being official and she ignores me all night and says she can't fight anymore. So we haven't seen each other since and she makes no effort at all to contact me. I try talking to her, but she ignores me or either tells me to have a good day. So I told her to block me so I can move on because I just can't ignore her.

At this point I just don't know what to do. I know she has gotten screwed over a lot in the past and by me last year when she wanted to be with me. Do you guys think this is salvageable or did I screw up everything? What do you guys suggest I do now? Thanks.
05-09-11, 07:19 AM
bloodtippedrose

Shes using you as a personal emotional punching bag. She doesn't want to be with you but when she ventures out and makes poor decisions and gets hurt, she knows she has you to fall back on and build her self esteem back up until shes ready to start it all over again.
Stop being so needy. girls hate needy emotionality distraught guys. Dont say crap like "just block me.." that is being weak because you wont block her yourself and it is being whiny. She doesnt want to make it official, shes slapping you across the face with that but you wont take no for an answer, even if she hooks up with your former best friend! Why do you want to be with her? Your letting yourself get treated like crap. Its either official or not, when she holds up a neon sign that says NO then you find someone else otherwise youre asking to be stepped on.
05-09-11, 07:24 AM
92luder

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Shes using you as a personal emotional punching bag. She doesn't want to be with you but when she ventures out and makes poor decisions and gets hurt, she knows she has you to fall back on and build her self esteem back up until shes ready to start it all over again.
Stop being so needy. girls hate needy emotionality distraught guys. Dont say crap like "just block me.." that is being weak because you wont block her yourself and it is being whiny. She doesnt want to make it official, shes slapping you across the face with that but you wont take no for an answer, even if she hooks up with your former best friend! Why do you want to be with her? Your letting yourself get treated like crap. Its either official or not, when she holds up a neon sign that says NO then you find someone else otherwise youre asking to be stepped on.

I wasn't being needy I just brought up being official because at this point I thought we could. And I want to be with her because out of all the girls I been with she meant the most even after I found out she lied about it. I forgave her for that because I know I treated her wrong in the past. And now that I am blocked I just want to move on and have no way for her to come back and play more games with me.
05-09-11, 07:27 AM
searock

Quote:

Originally Posted by 92luder [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just want to move on and have no way for her to come back and play more games with me.

Do that exactly. You'll be fine! :)
05-09-11, 07:32 AM
92luder

Quote:

Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do that exactly. You'll be fine! :)

It is easy to say, but hard to do...
05-09-11, 07:39 AM
searock

Quote:

Originally Posted by 92luder [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It is easy to say, but hard to do...

True. Moving on is always hard. But in your case, all it can do to you is good. You weren't happy in that situation, she was clearly using you and giving you for granted, without giving anything in return, if not confusion and distress. You'll be way better off without her.
05-09-11, 07:39 AM
bloodtippedrose

Quote:

Originally Posted by 92luder [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We had something going on last summer and I was her first, but around December it ended badly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 92luder [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I forgave her for that because I know I treated her wrong in the past.

Did you cheat on her? -_-
05-09-11, 07:47 AM
92luder

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did you cheat on her? -_-

No did not cheat on her just let my ex girlfriend stay around and it kind of ruined us.
05-09-11, 07:56 AM
bloodtippedrose

Shes making it really clear that she doesn't want to be tied down to you, so she can keep her options open. That gives you two options, the first being cut her off and move on (or at least act like it), which will probably drive her nuts, or allow yourself to be treated like crap. It sounds like you've already offered her the choice of official or nothing and she took nothing.
If you keep contacting her then it will push her away. If you distance yourself from her and be really strong to not break it then either she will be more drawn to your independence over time, or you will get over the hump of wanting to be with her, or both. The answer seems pretty straightforward. The hard part is maintaining it. You have to seriously occupy your mind with other hobbies and friends.
05-09-11, 08:18 AM
92luder

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Shes making it really clear that she doesn't want to be tied down to you, so she can keep her options open. That gives you two options, the first being cut her off and move on (or at least act like it), which will probably drive her nuts, or allow yourself to be treated like crap. It sounds like you've already offered her the choice of official or nothing and she took nothing.
If you keep contacting her then it will push her away. If you distance yourself from her and be really strong to not break it then either she will be more drawn to your independence over time, or you will get over the hump of wanting to be with her, or both. The answer seems pretty straightforward. The hard part is maintaining it. You have to seriously occupy your mind with other hobbies and friends.

Yea I agree she is making it clear she doesn't want to be with me its just weird she says she loves me and just doesn't want to commit and get hurt again because shes been hurt so much. And when she called me over the one night crying and saying she wanted to be official and that she made a mistake really threw me off. So I don't know what is with her. I did lash out over the past couple days when she ignored me and I wish I could take it back. And I think it is done at this point because I told her to block me and she did so I have no way to contact her.
05-09-11, 09:43 AM
smackie9

Just leave it and move on.
05-09-11, 01:11 PM
jb1111983

Moving on is never easy but is always worth the effort. She doesn't want you. You shouldn't want her either no matter how hard it gets. And you should have been the one to block her and not the other way round.

Well now that it's over, focus on living a great life. Don't contact her at all and ignore her if she does contact you.