Where did I go wrong here?

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07-09-11, 03:18 AM
snow

Where did I go wrong here?

So I got this girls number about a month ago who has really liked me for ages. I am 30 she is 27. We arranged to go for a drink for the first date but it didn't go so well as she invited her friend along half way through, but other than that we hit it off quite well.
I was unsure about a second date as the first one seemed a bit of a failure but I decided that as seen as we had hit it off the first night and that she did really like me that I would give her a second chance and ask her out for a second date and make my decision about her after that. Anyway, the second date went really well and she asked me if I wanted to see her again the next week so I said that I would like to see her again.
However at this point I am the one initiating contact all the time and she sometimes takes ages to reply to messages so I was only texting her to arrange dates as my efforts to start conversations over text about day to day things didn't seem to be working.
So last Thursday we arranged the third date and she came to my house and and we had a really good time, talked the whole time, had a laugh, kissed, cuddled etc. She told me that she hasn't had a boyfriend for ages, which I found surprising as she is really attractive. At the end of the night she asked if we could meet up this weekend so I said yes. So anyway I texted her yesterday lunchtime to see what she wants to do at the weekend and I get no response. I sent another text today asking if she is OK and that has been completely ignored as well WTF??? LOL, anyway I am not going to text her again now that my last two texts have been ignored. I just can't seem to get my head round what has went wrong?
07-09-11, 03:24 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

It happens. Could be a number of things, and it's pointless to speculate. Just don't initiate anymore contact, and if she comes around later with a bullshit excuse, agree to see her again, but just use her for sex. If she doesn't put out, you stop responding her contact.
07-09-11, 10:00 AM
syrup

I'm having a similar issue, but some women are just like that. Just don't be too overbearing with messages and calling so you don't push her away. If you really like/have feelings for her work at it until she comes around. Some women just want to feel like they are important enough to be pursued, it's not the nicest thing for them to do to guys but it's just the way it is. And don't be a pig and just use her for sex, if you do that and things don't work out everything will just be more difficult for the next guy and the cycle will just continue.
07-09-11, 10:19 PM
Alex2

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08-09-11, 12:28 AM
carl1222

Maybe she is playing a little hard to get ... maybe she doesn't like to communicate via text messages. Who knows?

Not everyone is glued to their cell phones. You have already indicated that text conversations with her don't seem to go very well in general. If you can text her, you can call her ... why not?
08-09-11, 01:32 AM
snow

Thanks for the advice guys, anyway - an update
Finally got a reply to my text today, which I wasn't expecting. She said she has been really busy at work and that she has a social thing at the weekend so can't do anything this week. Now what do I do?
08-09-11, 01:38 AM
surfhb

Wait it out 2-3 weeks I say and call her again.....don't text!!!! 2 weeks!!!! If she really likes she will call or be really happy when you do call

Go out and find another girl while your at it.... There's nothing better than having more than 1 women asking for your time.
08-09-11, 01:56 AM
Hth

There is also one possibly case, she wanted to see if you were interested in her, obviously you did, so she started to chill out because she knew what you felt about her. If she likes you, she will contact you soon :).
08-09-11, 02:13 AM
carl1222

Not to be picky ... but why would she suggest you get together this weekend if she already had a social obligation? A yellow flag for sure. I would watch for signs (like broken dates) that would indicate that she only wants to be with you if nothing better comes up! It also could explain why she left you hanging for a few days.

Be careful.

Carl.
08-09-11, 03:16 AM
HungryHippo

As a girl, around the same age as your one - I'd say give her a bit of time. I've been interested in guys and done EXACTLY what she's done. Not the nicest thing to do I know, but us girls are like that. For me it was a combination of nerves and fear of being hurt. She's not been in a relationship for some time and is probably lacking a bit of confidence. I know this doesn't excuse her behaviour but ultimately if she's worth it and seemed like she liked you, she probably did. If you do get in contact with her again, ask her. If you provide that forum for her to be totally open she should respond favourably and this could be a breakthrough in your relationship.

Silly women and their mixed messages (and I can say that as a woman!) :P
08-09-11, 03:05 PM
snow

Thanks again for the advice, I think I will leave it for at least a week now and then call / text and take it from there
08-09-11, 09:47 PM
bulrush

Quote:

it didn't go so well as she invited her friend along half way through,

How rude of her.

Quote:

However at this point I am the one initiating contact all the time and she sometimes takes ages to reply to messages so I was only texting her to arrange dates as my efforts to start conversations over text about day to day things didn't seem to be working.

Maybe she's just plain lazy. Or maybe she's sexist, and expects men to do all the work.

Quote:

She told me that she hasn't had a boyfriend for ages, which I found surprising as she is really attractive.

Gee, I wonder why? She sounds rude, lazy, maybe sexist. Some women rely totally on their looks to get a date, but don't bother to work on their personality. So they can get a date, but can't keep a boyfriend.

Anyway, I don't think you did anything wrong here. I think you two are not compatible.
08-09-11, 10:57 PM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by HungryHippo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

but us girls are like that.

I've never done that in my entire lifetime, and last time I checked, I was female.

I agree with carl.... it sounds like you are the fall-back plan. I wouldn't invest any real hope in this relationship evolving, but if it does, you will need to set some firm boundaries. This woman's behavior is rude and inexcusable, and should not be tolerated on a regular basis.

I also agree about ditching the text messages. Grown ups talk.
08-09-11, 11:06 PM
Mathias

Quote:

Originally Posted by HungryHippo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've been interested in guys and done EXACTLY what she's done. Not the nicest thing to do I know, but us girls are like that. For me it was a combination of nerves and fear of being hurt.

You understand that by doing this, you're going to continue the cycle of getting hurt, right?

No good guy is going to put up with that crap.
08-09-11, 11:26 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Gee, I wonder why? She sounds rude, lazy, maybe sexist. Some women rely totally on their looks to get a date, but don't bother to work on their personality. So they can get a date, but can't keep a boyfriend.

Sounds about right to me!

Quote:

You understand that by doing this, you're going to continue the cycle of getting hurt, right?

No good guy is going to put up with that crap.

Also sounds about right!

OP: Don't play her game. If she's afraid or whatever else HungryHippo alluded to then she's lousy relationship material anyway so why bother. My advice, let her chase you for a bit and if she doesn't then forget she exists cause she's got unresolved issues that she needs to work out so don't be dragged into her drama.