Angry.....

Really could do with some help on this one...


Before we start I would like to say that honest to god, I am the most chilled guy in the world, I don't get aggressive unless massively provoked. At the same time though i am not a push over, nor have I ever been.


Things have settled down recently after my partner was unfaithful. Although I was still upset by it all, I had buried it down and was getting on with things for the most part.

Now strange story.... Lie or coincident?


Last night/ this morning I was in a little bit of a sh*t with my partner. Simple reason being we don't see each other all that much at the moment, and the night that we do (last night) we spent around 45 mins together before she falls asleep. Therefore I was in a bit of an ass with her. Sounds petty and stupid, but we all do it.

Anyway she obviously picked up on this and today we met for lunch. She asked if it was because I saw that "he" text her last night while she was asleep. Obviously a bit taken back by this I progressed with the conversation. I actually hadn't seen this, I don't check her stuff as tempting as it is.
However he had text her with idle chit chat. And it turns out while he was trying it on with her, he was also seeing another one of the girls that they went on holiday with. This girl phoned my partner today to talk about it as it was the first it's all come to light.

I'm not sure if she told me this because she genuinely wanted to be honest with me, or if she thought she had been caught out while still talking to him.

The point is, I feel angry and aggressive. I normally can keep my cool through anything as I consider myself level headed, but I feel I am being pushed beyond my limits now.
The things I used to do to cool off don't work any more and I am actually genuinely concerned that a single small thing will make me loose the last thread of self control.
I have an uncontrollable desire to put him in hospital. I know where he lives & works. And I have really had to restrain myself from lowering myself that much over the past few months.

I also feel like it has dragged everything up that almost seemed settled. Something about it all sickens me, it feels dirty and nauseating. I feel like I can't even look at my partner at the moment. I worry that I will get angry at her (I would never raise my hand to a woman, no matter what she did though!). I worry that I will overstep the mark of self indulged pity and anger with her and push her away.
But I genuinely do not know how to get rid of this anger, the disgust, the permanent anxiety that now feels like it is ruining my life......