Desperately need help on whether or not to end a relationship!
Please excuse me, as the back story of this is very long winded, sorry about that :(
This has a bit of a back story, and I've never, as far as I can remember, ended a relationship myself, I've always been the dump-ee. I'm a transfer student at college, I went to community college for two years. During the last two years of high school and my first three semesters at community college, I was dating a wonderful girl. We started dating in our junior year in high school, when I called her (we'd been friends and "dated" in middle school, obviously nothing serious) to see if she wanted to catch up. We bonded VERY quickly, and became best friends. I fell in love, HARD, and was willing to do anything for this girl. She was in a way still seeing someone when we met, and she officially ended it with him within about a month of us meeting. We dated for almost three years, and the only unhealthy thing about the relationship was that we spent all our time together, not really leaving time for other friends. I was very clingy, but she never spoke or showed a thought about it, and we really were wonderful together. I won't describe the rest of the details of it, but to summarize, it was (to me) the most perfect feeling in the world.
We ended up at community college together, and coming into our fourth semester, she started hanging out with another guy. We'll call him Chris for the sake of anonymity. I trusted her, but because we hadn't gotten to hang with other people much, I wasn't used to it. I told myself to let it go, because I loved her and trusted her. One night, I was at work, (delivering chinese food, a part time job) and I called her like I usually do while driving to deliver food. We chatted for a minute, and she seemed really sad. I asked what was wrong, and she wouldn't tell me. I pressed a bit, as she was almost always willing to be honest with me, and she said she'd tell me the next day. I was REALLY nervous, and while something in the back of my head told me that it was ending with her, I ignored it, thinking I shouldn't get upset about something that hasn't happened yet. I somehow got through the next day, and she came over that night to talk to me. She told me that we would be better off taking time to date other people, so we could be sure of what we had. I was very depressed, but I took it reasonably well at first. I asked if it was about Chris, and she told me no. I tried to get into the mindset that we would just be friends for a while and then get back together, but I was a complete wreck. I cried all the time, at random times, and it interfered with school and work alike.
One day I went to school, and walked upstairs in one building to go to class. In the lobby, she was sitting on Chris' lap, talking and kissing him. In my head I FLIPPED OUT. I went over to them and talked casually for a minute, because they saw me as I walked by, and tried to hide my emotions. I managed, but for the next several weeks I was dying. I couldn't get over it, she had lied to me, and and when I tried to talk to her about it she denied it. It wasn't until about two months later that she admitted it, after much bitching at her by yours truly. We are cordial now, as we are going to the same 4-year college, but we are not friends. That part is my fault, I literally spent two months bitching and yelling at her trying to get her to admit to everything she'd done to me, which was a lot. I can't fix that now, though I wish I had never said any of that.
About two weeks after we'd broken up, I dated another girl I'd known before for about two weeks, realized I was only trying to replace what I'd lost, and ended it before I could do any more damage to her. I needed to get over the first girl, as this was still during all of my bitching. About two months after that, I met a girl at school, and we hit it off really well. She said that I might need some time before dating again, but we ended up being together anyway. We fit wonderfully, but it just isn't the same feeling I had. I was truly in love before, and I HATE saying it, but this new girl and I fit better as friends. We've been dating about 5 months, and now we live about 2 1/2 hours apart, at different schools. We've promised each other a lot of things regarding being together, but sometimes I worry that I might have promised her those things because I was lonely or needy. I care about her, and want to do whatever I can to not hurt her, but I honestly don't even think I'm 100% over the first girl yet. Losing her felt in every way like a best friend dying. I still think about what I lost, even though I don't want to be with her anymore, and it makes me angry that it's gone. I need help on this. I feel like it would be healthier to learn to take care of myself for a while, but I'm VERY VERY worried about hurting this girl. I would be breaking promises to her by leaving her, and I'm terrified. I want to be her friend, and try to get over everything that as happened to me. What do I do? What do I tell her? ANY help would be more wonderful than any of you know.
