The end? To be continued?

Long story short. My GF of 1 and 1/2 years broke up with me. She reasons mainly being that I am her first love and in her words needed to know what love really mean by having comparative experience and time on her own. During our break up she made she to say that this break up was only "for now" and that she knew that we would be together again someday. Intially, being the desperate state I was in, accepted it and said goodbye. As the days rolled on I started thinking about it, how unfair it was for her to say that to me, how unlikely it was, how much harder it will be to move on with that idea in my mind. I saw her the other day on campus and smile, after some thought I ran back to talk to her bout this. We are cut short by class and decide to meet up the next day.

Well, I guess as a testament to her kindness she surprisingly texted me asking if I was ready to meet up, she promised me and was truly good to her word. Skipped homework and everything for me. It was nice to know that she still cared. Basically I was able to lay it all out. I told her that there was no future, that in order for me to move on we needed to officially declare this dead, no chance for a future relationship. Her eyes filled with tears, she was heartbroken. She honestly wanted to give us another chance someday, after dating around and finding out what "love really is". Her reasons for this future talk included my once sure thought that she was "the one" and the fact that we ended so abruptly. It was so hard to not fall into her trap again, but I stayed strong. She even got sassy. I asked her if she wanted me one day would she still do it? She snapped back "Well, not now!". It was an emotional jab and it worked. Earlier in the week she told me that if she ever wanted me again she would throw pride out the window. So I just told her that if that were true then this shouldn't change anything, that if she truly wanted to be with me that she would do whatever it took, it shouldn't matter if I was telling her this. She started turning the tables and got mad at me saying that this is what I wanted. Of course that was earlier this week and I was still desperately wanting her, I've had time to think about everything. Then it really hit me, how emotionally unstable she is and always has been during our relationship. She has always turned the tables on me like this and I never noticed it until now. She was pissed that I was villainizing her, tried to make me feel like the bad guy, I wasn't having it. I tell her to calm down as she would regret being so mad at me during our potential last ever meeting. She does but we still leave on a bad note somewhat. I'm able to catch up with her and finally end it on a good note, true to our once great relationship. She was in tears, I hug her three times. I thanked her for all the incredible love that she gave me, told her I would miss her, told her that one day I am sure that we could be friends and that I would definitely see her before I graduate in May. Said goodbye. As I walked away I thought about the image of us together at a wedding altar. Suddenly the image I had once cherished had become silly, I can't explain it, but it suddenly was wrong. I realized all of our differences and all the emotionally growing that she truly needed.

When I woke up this morning I felt scared. I know that this was what I NEEDED to do in order to get over her, but right now I'm just thinking how I could have messed up us potentially getting back together. I mean she WANTED to give us a second chance someday. I made her promise me to come find me if she ever found out what love is, she promised but now I'm trying to fight that fear that even if she felt that way she wouldn't do it. Basically because of the way we ended, she was always willing to give us a second chance. Even though I made sure to tell her it's over I'm terrified of always having that thought in the back of my mind. I guess time will tell what will happen.