Worried, scared of the end. Sorry its long..
So as some of you may know, i have been in a physically, emotional abusive relationship with a man for over 2 years.
The first year was amazing, the last year just turned horribly wrong, he started calling me names, putting me down about everything, controlling what i do, saying i couldnt see my friends, would get really pissed if i did see my friends but would do whatever he wanted to do, he started to lock me out of the house, grab me, choke me, bite or push me. He would never actually hit me though. So i wasnt sure if it was actually abuse.
I came here for advice when i started to feel unfairly treated, and people here helped me recognise what he was doing as before i just couldnt see the manipulation or control. I started to pull away from him, i moved out, i see my friends regardeless of what he says, but i am still under his control in some ways, i get scared if he says he is going to end it and still dont feel quite over him.
Well recently, he has been going through depression, he will text me all day freaking out at me for something, call me names, tell me i have to delete certain people off my phone/facebook etc.. By the end of the day he will be apologising and explaining hes feeling depressed and needs help and i always feel bad for him..
We were supposed to move in together, but after a lot of thought i just cannot do it, i will miserable, i wont have a life i will feel like a prisoner in my own home and i cant do it. I feel terrible but i know he is going to lose it and just leave me. Ultimately, in my mind i do want it to be over, i am scared for it to actually come though.
Yesterday, i decided to look at some houses for myself, i found one great price that i absolutely loved. So i took it. I havnt told him and yesterday i felt great, today i woke up and i feel nauseous, i am so scared to tell him, i feel like i have let him down, that hes going to be so hurt and feel so betrayed.. I feel so guilty.
I know i shouldnt feel this way, he has screwed me over more times than i can count, but i jut cant shake the feeling of guilt, i dont know how to tell him.
Can i get some advice? Anyone ever experienced this? SO sorry its long, you guys just give great advice. Thanks.