Going out to meet people, alone.

Hi - I'd like to gather some tips or advice about this.

I'm 25, male, fairly good looking. I rather lack confidence in myself, though, and I'm quite shy. A couple of drinks soon sorts that out, mind you.

I don't know anyone in my city - and until I start my new job (not for a little while yet) I have no connection to anyone else. Even when I do, it's not a sociable kind of job anyway.

My aim is to meet girls. And my interest in girls is the same as any other man. So I'm not going to pretend I just want to make friends or whatever - I want to meet girls, talk to them and eventually at some point have sex with them etc., etc.

So I live in a fair-sized town with many different pubs, clubs, bars or other venues. But... what do I actually do? No one goes out alone and it would be immediately obvious and "creepy" to women if I was there on my own.

Should I go and immediately latch onto some other likely group, from which to stage advances towards other girls?
Should I just pretend my friends are nearby or are meeting me soon, if the topic comes up?

Basically any suggestions about this sort of thing would be useful. I don't want to go out and end up just standing in a corner looking like an idiot. That's not going to do me any good.

Thanks

Your personality might benefit from internet dating sites. Some are free, like:
[url=http://www.okcupid.com]OkCupid | Free Online Dating[/url]
[url=http://www.plentyoffish.com]Free Online Dating at Plentyoffish.com[/url] (you won't get laid here though)

Others are pay:
[url=http://www.cupid.com]Find local singles on Cupid.com - an online dating site[/url]
[url=http://www.match.com]Match.com | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals[/url]

Others are "specialty" sites.

Try a nice open-minded girl. They are a lot of fun. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bulrush [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Your personality might benefit from internet dating sites. Some are free, like:
[url=http://www.okcupid.com]OkCupid | Free Online Dating[/url]
[url=http://www.plentyoffish.com]Free Online Dating at Plentyoffish.com[/url] (you won't get laid here though)

Others are pay:
[url=http://www.cupid.com]Find local singles on Cupid.com - an online dating site[/url]
[url=http://www.match.com]Match.com | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals[/url]

Others are "specialty" sites.

Try a nice open-minded girl. They are a lot of fun. :)

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Yea I've been on dating sites for nearly three years, on and off. I've met a few people from them, some were ok. I don't really feel like I belong there, though, and always preferred the girls I met in real life.

Your personality might benefit from internet dating sites. Some are free, like:
[url=http://www.okcupid.com]OkCupid | Free Online Dating[/url]
[url=http://www.plentyoffish.com]Free Online Dating at Plentyoffish.com[/url] (you won't get laid here though)

Others are pay:
[url=http://www.cupid.com]Find local singles on Cupid.com - an online dating site[/url]
[url=http://www.match.com]Match.com | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals[/url]

Others are "specialty" sites.

Try a nice open-minded girl. They are a lot of fun. :)

You're in the UK right? So it's easy enough. I work in a bar and we have countless customers who come in alone, males esp/usually. A bloke can get away with going out for a pint without company. It wouldn't be seen as quite as socially acceptable for a woman. So... go out one night to make a male friend (a wing man) stand at a pub bar for ten minutes and someone will talk to you.
You just have to think carefully about the type of place. Don't go to the crowded bar that everyone hits late at night. Go to a starter pub, or the 'lunch time pint pub'. You'll find plenty of guys your own age, make friends and have people to go out with, go out get laid.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lolly86 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're in the UK right?

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Yep.

Quote:

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So it's easy enough. I work in a bar and we have countless customers who come in alone, males esp/usually. A bloke can get away with going out for a pint without company. It wouldn't be seen as quite as socially acceptable for a woman. So... go out one night to make a male friend (a wing man) stand at a pub bar for ten minutes and someone will talk to you.
You just have to think carefully about the type of place. Don't go to the crowded bar that everyone hits late at night. Go to a starter pub, or the 'lunch time pint pub'. You'll find plenty of guys your own age, make friends and have people to go out with, go out get laid.

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Thanks for the advice. I suppose I should try it, you're right that eventually people come and talk to you. I've been to, like, performances before - music or comedy, in pubs or other venues and standing on my own from time to time people (men) have come and tried to speak to me, to include me. I usually give them a frosty reception (when sober) so they soon give up.

I'll aim to just suck it up and go out somewhere this week perhaps.


On a related note - I do have one female friend in the local area, certainly not someone I'd want to be physically involved with, but we've known each other a long time. Can "going out" with one other girl be a productive strategy, so long as she knows the deal (that I'm trying to meet other girls) and would be up for helping me get some introductions? Or is this a terrible idea?

As long as you want her there with you, and you also want to pick up other girls, that is ok. Just be honest. Then let her decide if she wants to go with you in that situation.

Do pubs in England have dart boards or pool tables? You would look less intimidating if you were DOING something. Men sitting in bars alone doing nothing but drinking = alcoholic in my world.

I'm not a guy, but I can relate: I felt the same way a little over a year ago when I moved to a new city. I was in a grad program w/a lot of computer nerds and couldn't relate to any of them so I was really lonely. I was not about to go out all by myself, though. So eventually I got desperate and tried the online dating thing. I tried a few different sites and never met anyone. BUT I had a friend from back home tell me about OkCupid and I actually found a lot of normal people on there. I was a little too shy for dating, though, and really just wanted friends, so I made it a point on my profile that I wasn't really looking to "date". Of course not a single girl was ever like "hey, wanna go out for some drinks?" but at least I met a few normal guys on there who just wanted to buy me a few drinks. Even though I never got involved with any of them, it definitely got me out of my lonely apartment and that's all I really wanted! :-)

That depends entirely on the girl herself. I'm the kind of girl who does and has played 'wing woman' for her male friends but many wouldn't.
Think about it, if you go out socially with a woman with the intention of picking up another woman, the first girl runs the risk of getting ditched if you get lucky. You may also find that she isn't entirely comfortable with you on the prowl purely for sex. There's no harm in asking, you won't know unless you do. If she is agreeable however ensure that you are honest. If you're not you may find yourself losing that one local friend.

Another problem with that idea is that other women are far less likely to approach you if they can see you are with a female. It's a put off. And if you approach them, and spend time chatting them up (therefore likely ignoring your friend) they'll probably just think you're a sleeze ball.

Stand in a pub, maybe play darts or something as the other poster said and make a male friend. You're far more likely to have some 'sex'sess that way ;)