breakup is killing me

Here is my situation…I’m going to explain everything in as much detail as I can. I apologize if this is too long but I want everyone to know all the facts because I seriously need help.

I’m looking for help and hope. I know I need to move on so please don’t tell me that because it will just hurt me even further.

I’m a gay male college student. But I’m not your typical gay guy. I’m very masculine, muscular, and I can probably out bench press half the guys in my gym. I’m attracted to the same type of guy. They are hard to find let me tell you. Over a year ago I finally found someone who was perfect for me in everyway. I never thought I’d find anyone like me..believe me I would search on several online dating sites within 200 miles. We dated for a year and two months.

This past summer was very hectic for both of us. I got an internship and was busy focusing on my career (my industry is very competitive) and my boyfriend got a job. Two weeks before school started we were still in love. We went to a concert and he could hardly keep his hands off of me. (Which was odd because we didn’t do PDA) but nevertheless I knew he really loved me because of it. The week before school started back we both started arguing over and over again about everything. This lasted about a week. Every few months or so we’d get into a bit of an argument but we were really good about working out our feelings and communicating and I thought it would just be another one of those. I was wrong.

He wanted a break. We have broken up before and it lasted only two weeks. As soon as I started talking to someone else he got jealous and realized he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. This time things were different. I started the breakup off wrong…I begged for him to come back. He wanted to see what “else was out there” since he had really only been with one other guy before me. He wanted a break to realize what he was missing.

So I waited patiently but still in contact with him. The only problem was he wouldn’t even see me. He didn’t want to be friends, or even see me at all because he was afraid feelings would still be there and that we’d act on it.

This went on for a month. I was miserable..extremely depressed but still hoped that once school started and we all got into our routine he would come back.

I spoke with him a few weeks ago and asked him where he was at. I said that I had moved on and was seeing someone else (in reality I wasn’t) and he said that he was seeing someone too and still did not want to be friends with me because he didn’t want to “confuse the two”. He said that the past the month was awesome and that he had so much fun without me and didn’t think we were compatible and that he didn’t feel like he’d ever want to get back with me. He said he’s had so much fun and partied all the time and did whatever he wanted to do. I said I could do those things to….which I know I can…but he wouldn’t let me prove it to him… He told me to move on and see other people

I became severely depressed…even suicidal…It’s been about 2 and a half weeks since that incident and I’ve been following some things I’ve seen online about getting your ex back. Several sites suggest that I completely cut off contact (he was texting me and talking to me on facebook a lot) And that I go have a blast and do new things. I have been doing this…I’ve been meeting new people, took up swimming and guitar, have gotten a professional job in my field (even while still in college), deleted my facebook, deleted his number out of my phone and have been on a few dates. I have run into him a little and have screwed the contact up a few times but for an entire week I have been quiet.

Today I received a text message from him talking about how I keep running into one of his friends. I said yeah and he asked what I talked about with her. I told him I asked who he was dating and he said he wasn’t dating anyone yet but he was just having fun. I said that I was doing the same and he said it was good because it would help us both move on and that he was moving on slowly.

Final Conclusions. I still think there is something for us. I hear stories all the time about couples who break up and get back together and I want to be in that same book. We have a lot in common (even though he can’t see that) and we have been through so much. I think he just got scared that we were dating so long. But I still love him and want to be with him. What can I do to accomplish my goals? Have I been doing the right things? Have I not? Any recommendations based on personal experiences? It is so hard to move on from this one and it hurts especially since there aren’t many people out there that are compatible with me.

Thank you for any and all advice

hey...i sorta im in a similar situtaion like u. im a straight gal thou...but m ex even thou was not seeing someone else, still didnt want to be with me...i really do hope dat he comes back...but i dnt think he is wanting to. if he loved u, he wudnt have gone in the first place, if he really wanted to work it out, he wudnt have left...knowing how u feel abt him n knowing he is hurtig u so much, he is still not coming back...i so knw wat u feel, coz i begged my ex to com back n i told him id do anything in dis world to make him happy n to be with him...he never came back. i heard he was getting enegaed, i begged him again to come back, n he said he cant...i was one of those gals who went to see him on da day of his engagement. he didnt knw that thou...i was parked outside wea he was living . i knew it wud hurt me...but id do anything to just catch a glimpse of him...ours was a long distance realtionship thou, we lived in two diff countries( but it was a real realtionship) he got arranged with someone in the country i live. so he came to wea i live for his engagment,...sorry im running away with m story...but i do hope that u do fall in the book wea couple get back toghether again...but pls dnt have a lot of hope, coz it will really hurt u...cozi still have hopes n im hurting like hell, n its already been almost a year to our break up.. tc

Hun, the relationships that get back together are usually after a LONG break up and after both parties have moved on as much as they can.

Keep doing what you are doing. Give him his space, even try ignoring him when he contacts you. Keep busy.

Sometimes, getting back together isn't the best option. There are times the relationship just gets worse because if a fight comes along, one of you might bring up a past hurt again which usually becomes another argument on top of what is being fought at the moment. Besides, it takes two to tango, if he wants to move on, then maybe so should you. otherwise you'll end up hurting more than necessary. Better stay friends. If he wants to get back with you, he'll tell you. But don't dwell on it, so that it be as painful.

I don't personally think there's anything there for you. I think he's stringing you along to make you think so, because he likes having the power to make you wriggle. He really sounds like a game-playing prick to me. Best to keep up the NC.