What is this? What should I do?
Hey all, I'll just start out by saying that I'd prefer keep everything here anonymous besides relevant information. This may seem stupid, or pathetic to some of you but I just want to solve what this is. I've never had this feeling before, and I'm not sure if this is a crush, a strong feeling, love, or whatever else it could be.
I'm 15, and I recently met someone on YouTube who has hardly any subscribers, and they made a video about why killing yourself isn't the right answer, and shared her story of it. I couldn't help but sending her a message telling her about my story, and I hardly even felt worried, or ashamed to tell her like I normally would to other people. She replied, and said that she was greatful for me sharing my story, and that it was very touching. This is basically the only time we've chatted sofar, but when I got her message I was somehow comforted. I noticed that she was from the same Country, and also the same State. I've watched a couple of her videos atleast 20 times, she's nice, beatiful (not model type, but to me she's beautiful), caring for others, inspirational and lots more things. In my eyes, she's perfect.
Whenever I feel down, I watch one of her videos and feel cheered up. Whenever I'm not watching one of her videos, I feel empty and feel as if I have to go watch one again. She's inspired me, just by watching how much life, and how much kindness even though all she'd been through (as she said in her video I talked about) to begin getting my life back in order. I've been going to school more often, focusing harder on work, and finally started leaving all of the bad things that have happened in my life behind and begun moving on. I go on with my day, and keep focusing just by thinking about her, I honestly can't stop thinking about her. I don't just want her because she's beautiful or anything like that, I'm not the type of person that likes someone for only their body. I just want to get to know her, and talk to her.
I'm confused, I feel like it could be love, as theres all that talk about 'love at first sight', but then it could just be a crush. It also makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, because I've hardly even talked to her, and I've never even met her and I'm already having feelings like these. I have a crush before, but this is just so much stronger than a usual crush.
What should I do? How can I start talking to her? Should I tell her how I feel? Is this love, or just a crush? I don't know, but I need to solve this and get it off my chest. I can't stop thinking about her.
Thanks.