Continuing communication with ex's

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19-09-11, 08:10 AM
Morgular

Continuing communication with ex's

Hi,I need some advise please.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Her previous relationship she ended and decided to remain friends with him because he is her best friends brother in law and no doubt they would see each other. He used to text her every now and again and she was always open and honest about it, I told her I wasn't totally comfortable with the texting but I understood being amicable for her friends sake. She said she would stop the texting but didn't because she said she felt bad not replying, these messages were just harmless chatter I guess not talking about feelings or regrets. Anyway the communication really only ended when she found out he had cheated on her.
He has since sent some texts on her and her sons birthday. It was her birthday this week and she told me she received a message from him but didn't go into detail.
I guess I have had some insecurities about their relationship since we started dating and to make a stupid decision I read the message while she was out. The message was just happy birthday blah blah.. As I was looking through the messages I found some saved messages, there were 4, and they were all from her ex. 2 were from when they were together but 2 were from since we have been together.. I don't understand why she is saving messages from him while she is with me? I can't approach her about this because I have broken her trust by even looking through her phone and I would just like some feedback on why you think she is keeping these messages?
19-09-11, 08:28 AM
searock

What did those messages say?
20-09-11, 10:51 AM
Morgular

The 2 messages from when we weren't together seemed to be about his response to the her breaking it off and remaining friends. The 2 she saved since we have been together; 1 was a birthday message for her son and the other one was his response to when she found out he cheated on her...
20-09-11, 10:54 AM
Morgular

She found out a couple months into our relationship that he cheated on her and she told me she sent him a message about not wanting to even be friends with him anymore.. This is all happened before her sons birthday.
20-09-11, 02:00 PM
MerryH

They were innocent messages. There are a million reasons why she kept them, and none of them should matter to you. She's been seemingly honest with you about when and why he texts. Why do you not trust her?
20-09-11, 04:58 PM
Morgular

I have been burnt badly before by a former girlfriend getting back with her ex and I guess I just saw that happening again. If you think that its fine I can live with that, I really just needed someones opinion, thankyou.
20-09-11, 06:05 PM
surfhb

Well, we've all be burned in the past by somebody so there no excuse there....

This wouldn't bother me. As long as the texts are innocent and shes upfront, the issue is yours.
20-09-11, 06:31 PM
Gypsybell

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgular [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have been burnt badly before by a former girlfriend getting back with her ex and I guess I just saw that happening again. If you think that its fine I can live with that, I really just needed someones opinion, thankyou.

Understandable to be wary of a repeat when we've been hurt in the past. But the old addage 'snoops never prosper' is too true. Try not to let it sour into suspicion. I can think of several reasons why she might keep certain messages, A) her son may have some attatchment to this bloke if he was (and is) part of their life. Kids like to be reassured that they are not abandoned too etc . B) She may wish to show his reply to her girlfriend or others who may think she's to blame for the breakup. These things happen. Either you trust her or you don't . But I would let her know you really are not comfortable with their continued contact. Its the truth aand pretending you are is just a festering sorepoint.