Advice Needed :|

Hey guys,

I'm 19 and I’ve come across this forum for some general advice and reassurance as to what ive been going through lately.
So basically i met this girl right on two years ago through a friend, we were just hanging out at first and then began dating in November 09'. This was my first real relationship and i really liked her from the moment we met.

So everything was great, although both being in year 12 for the majority of out relationship it was sort of a disappointment that we couldn’t have as much fun as i'd like (she was alot more into studying and school than i was) so a lot of our time together was spent doing homework and a repetitive cycle started to occur.

We didn’t really have many things in common, different hobbies and music tastes (minor but still) and everyone would say that we were such different people. I did love her though, and i guess she loved me too. Exactly three months ago we broke up. She tells me that she has been unhappy in our relationship since the start/mid of this year. I knew we were having some problems and the fact that she was the most emotional person that she/ and her friends would tell me i would ever meet compared to me who wasn’t a big talker and showed little emotion.

So this day is filled with tears, and she tells me she needs time and space, which i try to give her but is terribly difficult. We meet up here and there and i find out that a few months earlier, she went out one night and hooked up with someone. She tells me it’s not as simple as that, and i understand and forgive her. This is why..

Well it was my brother's bucks night, and she was not cool with the fact that we were going to the strippers and whatnot even though i knew that i wouldn’t be involved in anything that would hurt her. Her reasoning is that she needed to do something like she did to be able to continue the relationship (for the next few months that it was), because in her eyes..she didn’t feel loved.

So more time that we’ve broken up passes, and i still think about her everyday. We spend some days together and do things that just confuse us both. I find out that she's slept with someone that she went out with a few times and 'might not ever see again'..which just makes me sick. I know we dont owe each other anything, were both single and can do what we like..but it just hurts me to know that shes turned into something that i believe is just not her.
She messages me a few days later after the last time I saw her, asking if I was okay with everything and she tells me that she misses me and wants me to have an element of involvement in her life. She sent that last message almost a month ago and I still haven’t replied. I don’t want her to have the satisfaction of having me there when she wants while she gets on with her life. On my hand, I’m not sure if I should be a part of her life and have her in mine.

Not sure on what to do from here, suggestions? I don’t know if I miss her, or having someone..

This is what I think: you are in her "friend zone" as a study buddy, nothing more. You are the "backup boyfriend", or rather "backup friend who is a boy". Nothing more. You are not dating material to her.

Time to move on with your life and find someone who likes you for who you are. She is experimenting with different boys. Maybe you were too nice to "experiment" (sleep) with her. But, I don't think she is the one for you. She's being nice by saying she wants you in her life, but not as a boyfriend. She's afraid of hurting you, so she's not very direct about how she sees you.

Don't be afraid to find someone you really like and have a lot in common with, ok?

You miss the old her, or at least who you tought she was.
You said it yourself, she is a completely different person now, not the one you fell in love with.

When you were tohether, you were blinded by love and couldn't see thing you see now.

I'm the same age as you are and going through a kinda similar breakup so I know how you feel.

Let her go, go out with friends, meet new girls...
As you said, you don't owe her anything and there's no reason for you to stay at home mourning when she's out having fun and getting it on with other guys.

Stop hoping for a change od heart in her and take care of yourself.

When you become a better person emotionaly and find your peace, other things will fall into place as well.

Good luck mate :)