My GF has finished with me....devestated
Hi all, not sure if there's anyone can help, I just need somewhere to 'talk'.
Months back I posted on here about my gf cheating on me (kiss), I forgave her then she decided she needed time to think and she eventually decided she did want to be with me. We got back together but things weren't as they were.
We would see each other all the time and we did and still love each other very much. But I had a fear of losing her and starting putting her first. I wasn't happy and it didn't feel secure. I hoped it would get better then the sex stopped and any time we did have sex she felt pressured and it certainly wasn't how it was. We used to have loads of sex. I brought it up with her but it didn't make a difference and made things more awkward. We did have sex once but I could see it in her eyes she didn't 100% want to do it. She's always talked about wanting to work as a nurse in another UK city for a year as where I live it's hard to get a graduate staff role, then she would consider going travelling. I mentioned to her, if this is what she really wanted to do then she didn't really want to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her but she told me she wanted both and didnt want to lose me. I moved jobs from an offshore job a few years back as I hated being away from her! Anyway one night she came round and had been thinking about what I said and actually agreed, she'd also noticed our relationship had been more like being close friends (little sex) and it was not what it used to be. She wanted to stay the night and be with me but if she was breaking up with me this would be too painful. She got all her stuff and left. We've spoke a few times and we are both very much in love with each other and miss each other so much. I cannot stand it. I haven't eaten properly for a week and I'm so down. It's pathetic. She mentioned wanting to keep in touch as she'll always love me but I told her no chance as it'd be too hard but I cannot stand the thoght of not speaking to her. The thought of her being with other people doing thigns we did makes me wake in the night and lay there just thinking. I've lost some I love more than anything even though I have reasons not to, but it's my heart that loves her and I cannot change this no matter how hard I try. She tells me she's struggling to let me go and cries all the time. I constantly find things of hers around the house and text her to tell her to collect them when I'm not in but these texts just keep going, I can't not text her and it fu*king sucks. I know what I should do but I can't let her go. We've agreed to respect each others feelings and neither are thinking about being with other people. This would actually ruin me :(
What can I do? I've written lists of her bad points but I still adore her and miss her dearly. I'm up and down all the time and it's affecting me at work, I've already taken days off to lie in bed crying. It's pathetic and I don't know what I can do.
Help :(
