A guyfriend might have a crush on my GF...help!
Hi,
Me and my girlfriend have a relationship for nearly three months now and I feel like we love eachother alot. Yesterday however, something happened that got me worried so much I even decided to start this topic(which is not something I would usually do, lol).
My girlfriend chats alot with a guy she met awhile ago. I'm pretty sure its usually just smalltalk and joking around, allthough they do have contact alot. I don't really worry about this as my girlfriend is used to having alot of guy-friends. A week ago, this particular guy-friend, lets call him John, said they should go to the movies. With they, he usually means her sister (they work together) and some other friends etc. My girlfriend told me about his intentions and asked if I would tag along. Sure, I said.
Then, two days ago, she said he wanted to go tuesday. As I was free that day, all was fine with me. However, the only people going was him, a friend of him and us. Then, in the afternoon, she said that she didn't tell him I would come along and she asked if I would mind it if she'd go along. It was late and I was about to leave her place and said it didn't bother me.
I was wrong. They(she, him and his friend) went to the movies and even went to some other place to eat and drink something. Being quite jealous this hurt me alot as I felt I was being left out of their evening. I was at her place just before he picked her up and felt like I got substituted for another guy.
This evening I told her how I felt and she understood my feelings and felt sorry. She said that she wasn't sure if he would mind it if I would tag along and she did not like to ask if I could come everytime. THing is, this John-guy knows me and she knows I'm her boyfriend. I told her I find it unreasonable to take her out like that and totally forget me, her boyfriend. After they entered the theater he quickly mentioned there was also a reservation for me...how tactful.
She has told me that I'm the one and that she loves me, and that partly comforts me, but it's not enough. The problem is not really her, allthough I don't like the way I was treated last night, but its John. I'm fairly sure he likes my girlfriend and wants to be more than friends. Two months ago when I just started seeing my girlfriend, her sister tried to hook them up (she never met me back then) and they gave him the intention he had a shot. I'm quite sure he likes her as I've never seen a guy texting a girl that much just for fun, unless they have been friends along time(which isnt the case). Thing is, she has only seen him 4 times, 3 out of which was with a larger group of people and mostly with me included. I know guys pretty well and for me, most of the time the reason for having excessive contect with a female person is quite obvious. Also, she used to be creeped out by this guy as he was spamming her on Facebook to drive her to parties (where her sister and her colleagues would meet up) but now she goes out with him and his friend.
Her sister told her that she should make it obvious that John doesn't have a shot at her, and she says he has no chance but it still bothers me. I feel offended and even though I gave permission for this to happen i strongly regret it. I feel like this John is not trying to be friends at all but just wants to be with my girlfriend!
She told him how I felt (yay...) and he said that he doesn't want to break us up and that its up to her how much they see eachother. Thing is, he has such a comfortable position. He can't really lose her the way I can and I feel that if I hurt or control my girlfriend too much she might turn to him. She says she is not physically attracted to him which isn't that strange (he's heavily overweight) but theres more to a human being than just the outside, even though I too try to be as nice to her as possible and she often tells me she likes/loves me.
Now that you heard the whole story please asnwer me:
- Am I in the wrong here? She does have quite alot of guyfriends, but she seems to be texting with this guy the most, even when I'm around (she doesn't hide it though)
- Is it me or is it just weird to go seclude me when she goes out with him and his friend? She says she didn't know if he would like it if I'd come along (i know the answer even though he might say its fine) but shouldn't she be thinking about how I would feel if she would go?
I know that being too controlling can tear a relationship apart and I cannot force her to stop texting etc. (it will probably backfire on me anyway) but I just do not know what to do. I'm jealous extremely fast and we already talked it out but I feel she doesn't know how much this has hurt me!
Kind regards,
Anonymous
