I can't stop loving my first love, and it's terrible

The first boy I ever loved - in high school - and I still love each other.

We're bohemian kindred spirits. He's smart and compassionate and free spirited and creative and loving and unique. Being together always feels like coming home, like finally being whole.

But - my family is trauma inducing, and I can barely take care of them and myself. We're both emotionally unstable. He is emotionally manipulative; it's hard to correct this because no matter what you say, he does what he thinks is best for himself and you. He's cleaned himself up, but he has a history of self-destructive, addictive behavior - anyone living with him has to deal with this, and worry if he's going to do more of the same. Since I'm a love object, he's hurt me badly because he self-sabotages his attempts to get together with me - he'll hurt me badly and go off somewhere, and just as soon as I've wept and hurt and healed and found someone new and good to love me, he'll wander back and tell me I'm the one.

I saw my parents - my dad is a wonderful man who adores my mother, but he makes so many bad decisions that she can't make any choices - she has to spend all of her time working hard to fix the world he made for them. She's an exhausted, resentful, worn out nag.

I'm with someone right now who is stable and loving and good. Who gets in there, gets his hands dirty helping my family and finding ways I can achieve my dreams and be sane and happy. But this wonderful man and I have almost nothing in common.

And it's like always. I can never just let go and see if I can fall fully in love with someone new because all these years, and I'm still tied to my kindred spirit.

Ahhhhh!!!! What should I do? Please help!