I really like this girl who thinks she likes someone else. What do I do next???

Hi everyone,

This is going to be long but please bear with me and have a read and see what you think.

A bit of background info before I start. I am 17 years old and am at High School. I have never had a girlfriend before.

Ok, basically, six weeks ago, I started hanging out with a totally new group of friends. In this group, there was this girl Andie (I've changed the names), who had been in my class a few years previous. We had never got on before because I hung out with people that really bullied her and generally made her life a misary. However, a few weeks ago when I started hanging out with this new group of friends, I realised that she was in fact a completely different person to what I had previously thought.

Now, I am pretty good at maths and physics, and so at the tutorials, I started helping her out cos she struggles with maths and physics. After about two weeks, I realised that she had many of the qualitities that I look for in a girl. Like, I have attempted to get a girlfriend many times but to no avail. I tried to find someone to go to our school ball with, but of the two people I attempted to do anything about, pretty much the day before I was ready to ask them, they went out with someone else. This period was really low for me because I kept thinking that I would never get a girlfriend and all that sort of stuff. I thus decided that I was going to give up on trying to find a girlfriend and would concentrate on my study; which I did. I studied so hard, I had no social life at all. However, upon getting to re-know Andie, all that went out the window. I really really liked her. I knew this because, for me, to suddenly overcome giving up on finding a girl was not normal. I knew she was different to the other girls I had liked.

I am hopeless when it comes to girls. Whenever my friends would start talking about me liking someone in front of the girl I liked, I would go really red and wouldn't be able to look at them. I have also never told a girl, to their face, that I liked them. This time though, I told her straight to her face that I liked her. I didn't go red at all or anything like that, further reinforcing my thoughts that she was different to anyone else that I liked.

About a week later, I find out that she likes this other guy, Toby. Now this Toby has a bad reputation when it comes to girls. When he was sixteen, he got two of his girlfriends pregnant; and he just generally treats girls badly. Any of his previous girlfriends could tell you stories about what he did to them, how he treated them badly and cheated on them. Now, Andie takes things to heart all the time, even the smallest of things. So when I found out she liked Toby, my first thought was that she was going to get hurt. I also thought "how could she like someone like him over me??" I know that I can't make Andie like me, and I don't expect her to drop everything and start liking me; I am prepared to work for her love. But Toby is 'cool', he has a way with girls that I never will. She is falling into the same trap that a lot of girls have fallen into before. I'm not saying that because I am jealous; I admit, I am jealous. Toby is also a good friend if mine and so I know what he is like and that he will end up hurting her.

About two weeks pass by and I accept that she likes someone else, so I sort of drift away. She tells me that she feels bad about me liking her and her liking Toby because she used to like a guy who liked her best friend, and so she knows how I feel. She generally feels bad about it. But one day last week, we all plan to meet up for a study group. In the end it only ends up being Andie and I. So I go round to her house and spend pretty much the whole day with her alone. We don't just talk study things, we have a good chat about things. This reignites my strong feelings for her. I go home and instantly email my closest friend, Mike (who is good friends with Andie), telling him about my awesome day. He tells me that Andie and Toby aren't txting as much anymore and so things may not work out between them. Of course, I am pretty happy about this.

A few days later, a group of us meet up to study. A couple of hours in, the topic of conversation turns to relationships. Toby ends up telling us some of things he's done with girls. Sometime after this Andie quietly asks me if I still like her. I say that I will email her about it all. So I end up emailing her and telling her everything. She takes it pretty good. She tells me that she isn't sure about Toby anymore after what he had been telling us earlier. This gets my hope up slightly and so I reply, spilling out my heart to her. Here, I think I messsed up because she hasn't replied, or even acknowledged that she received it, or any of my txts to her.

The last four days, I have been on holiday and all I could think about was her. Pretty much nothing else. I know that I am only 17 and some of you probably think I'm too young to worry about all this, but I genually really do like her. I think it may even be bordering on the verge of love, even though love is a powerful word at my age.

I don't know what she thinks about me at the moment as I haven't talked to her in a few days, and Mike hasn't said anything about it (I keep pestering him about what is going on between Andie and Toby). So I have absolutely know idea what to do next. Any advice that anyone could give me would be muchly appreciated.

Thanks so much for reading, and sorry it is such a long story.

Thanks in advance.

you will to wait when her leave the boy frient.
you will to care her and talk with her like a budy.
good luke for you.

At this age, she might not really know what she wants, or who she likes. Spilling your heart out to her might have scared her a bit, but there is nothing you can do about it now. In fact, you can't really do anything about it at all now. The ball is in her court and you have to just leave it be. If she responds to your email or texts, she will. If not, you probably scared her off. Or she started liking someone else. Or she turned around on Toby. You never really know.

I would suggest that you start to look at other girls as possible romantic interests. There is no need to limit yourself to just her at this point in time.

Good luck.

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I really like this girl who thinks she likes someone else.

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I only needed to read the subject. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. Pretty typical for younger people. I'm not saying it's wrong, it is what it is. So why chase after someone so indecisive? Don't you think that would cause you a lot of grief?

Hi bulrush and devonbrown, thanks for your replies.

devonbrown, I know you are absolutely right; that I have to leave it up to her now. The thing about looking for other romantic interests is I had previously, essentially, given up for the time being because I was having no success and had other things going on in my life. For me, it was a big thing to start to like her and to start to do things with her during our exam period. I am someone who is totally focused in my education, but she distracted me from my exams. Now, this might be hard for you to understand, but if you knew me, it was a big thing; me being distracted from exams by a girl. Hence one reason why I am so head over heels about her. Do you think I just need to give it more time?? Not rush into thinking 'just because she hasn't replied, she doesn't want to talk to or see me again' ??

bulrush, I know it is pretty typical for younger people to be so indecisive, especially around our age. But my feelings for her, I cannot describe as they are so strong, I don't know how to put them into words. It is causing me a lot of grief because I really want to be with her, talk to her and all that sort of stuff; but she has it in for Toby. Of course, it is only natural. However, I know it is a cliche, but I really do think so far that 'she is the one'. She told me in her email that "you're actually a very awesome person" and that she thinks I need a girlfriend. So here I am thinking that if she thinks I am an awesome person and needs a girlfriend, why can't she try it with me? Is this pathetic?? Or, again, do you think I just need to give it more time???

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Hi bulrush and devonbrown, thanks for your replies.

devonbrown, I know you are absolutely right; that I have to leave it up to her now. The thing about looking for other romantic interests is I had previously, essentially, given up for the time being because I was having no success and had other things going on in my life. For me, it was a big thing to start to like her and to start to do things with her during our exam period. I am someone who is totally focused in my education, but she distracted me from my exams. Now, this might be hard for you to understand, but if you knew me, it was a big thing; me being distracted from exams by a girl. Hence one reason why I am so head over heels about her. Do you think I just need to give it more time?? Not rush into thinking 'just because she hasn't replied, she doesn't want to talk to or see me again' ??

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You certainly need to give it more time, though not in the sense that you would think. It sounds like you're a year, or maybe less, away from your HSC (or state equivalent.. sorry, I'm from NSW). Trust me, concentrate on your education. You'll meet so many interesting, hot girls at uni... part of being in high school is dealing with how frustratingly barren it is in terms of relationships. I, and almost everyone I know, only started to have meaningful relationships when they finished school and started university; you're only a year or so away from that, so don't get too stressed about it. Trust me, it's far less important in hindsight than it seems at the time. Also, if I may say so, if you're ace at math and physics, and she's not, you may not be as suited as you thought. Girls who share your interests and aptitude will be far more gratifying.

You will also get far more recognition at uni than "cool" guys in high school will.

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bulrush, I know it is pretty typical for younger people to be so indecisive, especially around our age. But my feelings for her, I cannot describe as they are so strong, I don't know how to put them into words. It is causing me a lot of grief because I really want to be with her, talk to her and all that sort of stuff; but she has it in for Toby. Of course, it is only natural. However, I know it is a cliche, but I really do think so far that 'she is the one'. She told me in her email that "you're actually a very awesome person" and that she thinks I need a girlfriend. So here I am thinking that if she thinks I am an awesome person and needs a girlfriend, why can't she try it with me? Is this pathetic?? Or, again, do you think I just need to give it more time???

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I'm sure she's right; you are an awesome person. Unfortunately, words are cheap, and I'd wager that "Toby", or whatever his name is, holds far more excitement; when you're underage and you can't go out or drink or do anything fun, that is a massive draw. When you turn 18, it's far less important, and the playing field will be more even. Please don't get too wrapped up in it; she is not "the one" (or rather, I'd be willing to wager a shitload of money she isn't). If she sees that you're the right guy for her. then she might well be. If she can't see that you have those qualities, then she is really not worth the angst and worry. Enjoy your final year in HS, enjoy the fact you're not worrying about mortgage payments and performance appraisals; it only gets more complicated from here.

wlboy

Hi, wlboy, thanks for your reply.

I totally see what you're saying in terms of enjoying high school and not worrying about being in a meaningful relationship until later. Generally, I would agree with that myself.

We do share many similiar interests. Helping her with the maths and physics has been my way of hanging out with her as she wants to get good at them and I want to spend time with her, so it's the perfect excuse to hang out with her without it being a 'date' if you get what I mean. As I said earlier in my first post, I am hopeless in the girl department, so this gives me some opportunity to be with her. We have hung out other times where study isn't involved, but always with other people around. I really want to ask her to do something with me other than study, so that she gets to know me better as someone else other than someone who can help her with maths and physics. However, I'm not sure about how to do this because she may feel awkward IF she is closing to going out with Toby.

In terms of Toby holding far more excitement, you hit the nail on the head there!! He does. He is 'cool' and all that sort of stuff. Things that I am just not. I think that compared to other people my age, I matured earlier and so I am ready to go into a 'meaningful' relationship, where as she may just want all the fun and what not that most people want at our age.

Maybe I just need to give her time to see if I am the right guy for her. If I'm not, well, like you say, I will no doubt meet better people when I go to university. I know it sounds as if I'm banging my head against a wall; but if the wall is thin enough, I may break through it...

Yeah, the thing is that you really risk ending up in the friend zone (see video below)

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKgHLr4et0A]THE FRIEND ZONE - YouTube[/url]

The friend zone is a close relative of the cuddle bitch, which is kind of the situation I'm in now. As urban dictionary rightly points out, the ****buddy is the archenemy of the cuddle bitch.

She'll go to Toby for fun and ****s, and come to you for help with her 3-unit maths and a shoulder to cry on.

I mean.. stick with it; the worst that can happen is that nothing will happen, which is no worse than your situation now. Just keep in mind that it's certainly not the be all and end all, and you'll have plenty of chances when you've left HS to have serious and meaningul relationships.

All the best with it, let us know how it goes.

wlboy

Hi wlboy,

About the 'friend zone'; my friend Mike also told me this, and so I have been very careful about not becoming vulnerable to her.

Anyway, the good news is she replied to me last night and said that she won't be going out with Toby because apparently she isn't good enough for him. She also said that she was going to "have a break from liking people." This is still good for me because I have no competition to worry about lol. Now, I can just work on hanging out with her and getting to know her better. I am going to hang out with her tomorrow with Mike, but he gets up real late so it will be just me and her for a bit :) The only problem now is I don't know how to go about casually asking her do do things with me. Like, I'm sure she won't say no but I'm just a little worried I might over do it; so any little advice would be much appreciated.

Basically, I see this as my chance and so I'm going to take every opportunity to be with her that comes up, but I just don't want to over do it ae. She also told me that she "hope you chill out a bit as you have worked so hard this year and have had no fun." I sort of see this as her saying chill out more and then she may take more interest in me. Is this what you interpet from this line?? I know it is hard for you because you don't know the full message, but I would like your opinion on if there is a hidden meaning.

Thanks for your advice and help.