Recent break up

Hi all,

I imagine many of you have seen similar posts, and experienced similar incidents yourselves. I would be grateful if you could please take the time to read my post, and offer some advice.

I was with my girlfriend for two years based on a long distance relationship due to employment reasons. Everyday we would talk, without fail, whether it be 30 mins or 2hours, we talked. Arrangements were always made (and met) to meet up and spend a week or so together.

Last year I lost my job and fell foul of anxiety/stress from it, which ultimately changed my mood from being a happy-go-lucky guy, to a down in the dumps guy worrying. My girl noticed this, too. It was at this point bickering would start, leading to arguments. However, IMO, it wasn't anything serious, it was, to me, petty stuff. Throughout the last year, if that, we've had close calls to breaking up, and then we would talk and lay out a plan. Obviously, the plan didn't work as I kept saying 'I'll do this...'. Honestly speaking, the loss of my job and self confidence issues surrounding my weight (although people think I'm fine), didn't help.

At no point whatsoever did I feel that her love for me has gone because everything was the same leading up to our break up, texts, phone conversations etc. Four weeks ago she came down to where I lived and stayed for a while, everything was great, no arguing, touchy-feely etc. The plan was then for her to come down again last week. A few days leading up to her coming down, there was some issues with her family, her brother suffers with diabetes/bi-polar, and subsequently lashed out leading him to a night in Hospital. Her mother is not in the best of shape either, and she has has to deal with her son for a long time, whether it be time in jail or his health. The following day her mum came in complaining that the dog I bought my ex needed to go as it was in the way, and due to shift work, her mother has to look after the dog. Her mother says that due to this has no time to do XYZ, and on that basis was in a complete mood for three days where she would go on walks out of the blue. But, that can be down to her sons violent outlash the day before.

It was then that it was clear my ex wouldn't be able to come down as her mum was having other problems. Her mums great, but there are times when I've been there and her mum wants to go out with us all the time, or gets in narks if we don't invite her. Personally, I don't think her mum is willing to let go. I was quite frustrated when our plans of seeing one another were no longer taking place, and shouted my mouth off that I feel her mum doesn't like her being with me, and that she is scared of losing her (which couldn't be further from the truth as it would've been me moving up there). Afterwards she dropped the bomb-shell of wanting to split up because it wasn't 'working'. She says the week she came down to see me she was planning on splitting up, but because she saw a different, more relaxed side to me, she didn't want to. I find that odd because when I picked her up, and leading up to it, she was fine, the usual 'love you' etc. Her suitcase was full, and when she came in to my house, her slippers were under my bed, clothes in my wardrobe etc. Her reason then moved on to the bickering/arguing - it's got too much. She said she loves me, cares for me, wants to be friends and 'who knows'.

Friday night I decided to drive 220miles to see her afterwork, we spent an hour talking and she's adamant that there is nobody else, she loves me (not just as a friend), hasn't lost any feeling towards me, but the arguing has just got too much. She also said that she wants to text first before we decided to talk over the phone, but texting will be a couple of times a week. She also stated that right now she does not want to be with anyone, she needs time to sort her head out. I then told her things will change, that I'll go the gym for myself, try look for better employment etc and she replied with 'I don't trust you'.

I spoke to her on the phone yesterday and still nothing had changed, still the usual 'love you loads, but..'. She said that I am not to come up, that doing so won't bring us back together, it will only make her not want to talk. I ended the conversation with 'I love you', to which she responded back the same and that I am to text her on Thursday. During the conversation I told her that I couldn't be friends with her when she's got a new partner, she said right now shes not interested, but who knows in a few years time, I then said that her saying that, to me, says she has no intentions in getting back with me. She hit back with 'well, that includes you'. Whilst talking, she began getting angry/upset when telling me that she had been telling me for a long time we needed to stop the arguing, and that I took her for granted and that she feels I thought she didn't have the guts to break up.

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I'm sorry for blabbering on, basically.. what do I do from here? what do I make of this? Should I give her her space?

I'm holding on hope because of the stuff she's saying, such as who knows what will happen, it could be her calling me to get back together, she still loves me and always will and that she will never forget me. People I have spoken to are of the opinion that she is either testing me (due to the comment of me taking her for granted and thinks I think she didn't have the guts), or generally does need some head space. They think we will get back together, again, because of what shes saying. Me? I don't know. I do know that I love her, and all I want us for us to get back together.

I echo what I have already said: I genuinely believe that she is not cheating, I do believe that she still has strong feeling for me, but what do I make of the 'who knows', what do I do? My plan is to talk as normal and eventually gain her trust back, but would that work? The day prior to her breaking up with me, everything was normal - texts, conversation, hell, she was giving me the orders on what we would do when she was with me in two days time!

I'm sure reading this you can tell my head is spinning with questions, so on that note, I'll leave this post and hope to hear from your opinions soon!

Cut contact with her, and tell her only to call you if she wants to get back together. I can tell you don't have the balls to go through with it, but it's my obligation to tell you.

She has taken a step back and sees that you have too many insecurities, and you don't handle yourself well in times of stress whether it's yours or her's. She has come to the conclusion she needs a man, that is confident, supportive, and can deal with situations in a mature manner, and you cannot fulfill these expectations. A relationship cannot survive on love alone, especially for the long haul. Getting married, buying a house and raising a family takes great responsibility and stability, mentally and financially. She needs to clear her head, and think about what direction she wants to take for her future. So leave her alone, because the more you push, the harder she will push back. Time for you to focus on yourself, and maybe do some self improvement.