Because I was asked to, I am sharing my experience, feel free to give all opinions
I was asked to share my experiences in my last relationship, I have given a lowdown of what led to its end, but if enough interest is shown, I well share more of the experiences, and boy are there a lot.
So I am about a year out of a 8 year relationship that I am beginning to see was doomed from the start (hind sight is 20/20). I met this woman at a friends house party, and we seemed to have friction between us, not really in a bad way, but a way different approach to life. We chatted, and became friends, and I found myself being attracted to her mainly because she was so different from the way I am. She was very impulsive, moody (happy was really happy, depressed was way in the dumps), deeply caring for friends and family, and very flirty. Myself on the other hand am very logical, well thought out, and try not to let emotions rule me. We eventually started a relationship, and it was a rocky road almost from day one, but we both seemed willing to work through stuff, I never doubted we were both commited to each other. We had our ups and downs, a couple of short break ups over stuff, etc.
Then came the fatefull date I went to drive a friends vehicle to them about 8000km away. I stayed a week because I hadn't had a good vacation in years, and it felt so good. My friend even commented that from the time I got there to the time I left that I had seemed to go from being a closed off, quiet individual, to the funny, loving person I used to be. When I got back, my girlfriend and her 2 kids (not mine) were there to pick me up, after a few hugs and kisses, I decided to treat my girlfriend and the kids to a night stayover in the city that I flew into (I lived about 2 hrs away) from there without getting into too many details, a couple of disagreements broke out. Over really dumb stuff, but I was struck with a realization. Before I had left, I had let her walk all over me, not disagreeing with her and letting my own personality and feelings be pushed aside by her. Once I came to this realization, I changed. This might not have been fair for her, but it also wasn't fair for me to continue this way. I expected my opinion to count. I started not being a accomidator, if I had a opinnion, I voiced it. She had a hard time with this, because she was so used to getting her own way all the time. Lots of fights ensued and we really became at odds with each other. I learned a lot more about my relationship with her and myself. It wasn't about me needing to have my opinnion all the time, it was about how we approached things. I like a calm, reasonable conversation where we worked towards a common goal/solution to issues. She like to throw things and yell and scream for hours on end until she emotionally drains herself. It was easier for me to agree then to have a emotional fight over something that to me was trivial. We did couples counselling (which I paid for) but she hated that because she felt (picked on).
It all came to a head on a camping trip, where I had asked her if she needed any help with breakfast. She declined saying she was fine, so I resided myself to my book. Meanwhile her kids were being vagrants (don't you love teenagers), and all of a sudden (20min later) she losses it, I mean yelling screaming, I am useless, her life sucks with me, etc etc. And I have had enough. It was done for me right there, if she needed something all she needed to do was ask. This was my time off camping too, my R&R time, and even after I had offered to help. She eventually appologized after I started to hook up the trailer and we stayed and stuck out the weekend. But it was still done for me, I realized there was never going to be reasoning with this woman.
Keep in mind this is just one of many experiences with her that turned out a lot like this, I was tired of it. Also for anyone that is going to go on about me being spineless etc for allowing it, I don't see it as such, I am a layed back person. I don't see a need to start fights over things that matter little to me, however I am also a respect person, and won't stand for someone walking over me, I think she got the 2 confused and that is where it all stemed from. I love with all my heart, and am willing to give the world to someone if they ask for it. I gave everything to this woman and her children. I honestly believe I was more a father to them then their real dad was. I helped my ex through her university, all her insecurities, helped her with her children. I bent over backwards for her in so many ways, but lost myself in the process, and in doing so, allowed the emotional beating that I took to take place. I hope in reading this people learn from my experiences. Feel free to ask any question.
It has been a year now, and there is still no reasoning with this person, she is still trying to dig at me, if anyone wishes to see the latest thing she did check out my thread under the "ask a female, Very confused by the entire thing"
