Bestfriends

U know how when u were just a little kid, mining ur own buisness everything just seems so easy. I mean everything, all u did all day is you play with ur toys,u play with ur friends, you go to kindergarten where u had fun , or not so much when they force u to eat the ****ing vegetables, but ok thats a nother stroy. Not like when u begin to grow up, and every day more and more thing become heavier, more important, and stuff that seemed funny is now lame because somewhere in the part of growing up, you just grew up. You and i (if ur not a kid) have probably lost our "kids eyes" the eyes that see only the funny and the good everywhere. And that is messed up. I miss how when i was a kid , the girls were "juck" and we did not like them. Not like today when girls are more than just girls , they are something you need, and if you dont have what u need it hurts. Now this is where my story begins, it goes like this, at the age of aprox 14, i started to hang out with my half cousin Tea(thats a nickname) who because of my curious nature for drugs (weed) and diferent cultures(hippies and stuff), introduced me to a guy called Mike (who later became one of my best friends), so to get a better picture of mike, i will describe how he looked back then, he was aprox 180 big, he had a figure of a bully ( you know the tipe who are oversized for theyr age and they begin to bully other) but in reality he was the most kind and sweet guyz u can ever meet. Oh and he was gay :) . He allways had different collors hair cuts, from blond to orange, and he head all collors of clotes on all the time from green to yellow. Yes thats mike, i miss him, because he allways saw the good in life, he was the kind of guy who never lost the eyes of a kid :). One one warm sunny day, i think it was in the middle of august, i and mike went to score some weed, and then we just laid back at a view point under the sun and smoked, and than he said, oh and i invited annie with us, and i was like who is annie, and he was like dont worry u will like her. Little did i know, not only did i started to like her, i feel in love. Then she came, she was like an angel the first time i saw her, and she is still today, long blond hair, the figure of a goddess (rly awsom boobs guyz), she took my breath away. So naturaly i want to hang out with her so we could bond, but at that time as a kid, weed and friends were still #1 on my list. But a year and a half later , when she broke up with her boyfirend, i started to hang out with here. We went to smoke a joint or two, we went to take her dog out, but we only hanged as a group of friends, we were never alon, mike was there, tea was there, and some of my good friends too, who desrve to be in a nother stroy of mine, i will get to that later. I allways enjoyed annies companie since she was so preety and so funny, but i was not in love with here back than, my world did not need her to make sence. I even remember , aprox that age, when i said to my friend , whats wrong with dudes who fall in love with a girl, and suffer , you have so manny different fish in the sea. It didnt take long for carma to bit me. One one raini day, 3 years has passed since i rly gotten friends with mike, he decaided he will move from our home country ( slovenia) to the citiy of amsterdam, because there is where he felt he belongs (open-minded city or something :) ) and he did in two weeks. Tea did not come out so much any more since she had high goals in school she had to work hard. So that left me and annie alot of allone time so we started to hang out more, and things became ever more fun. we laugeh all the time, we were like best friends. On every party, on every concert, we hung together, and had fun. She laughed all the time in my presence and when she lauged it was like the sun shined right on me even if it was -12 deggres. She became my drug, rly, i was sad and not motivated when she was not around, or when she did not write me or stuff, and when she was there, i was like ad/hd kids when they eat to much suggar. We became good friend i think, but i started to want more ofc ( i think that's normal for a hetero guy to fall in love with a beautiful and funny girl- friend). I took me 3 years to figure out what i want, now that i know, there is only one problem. We are best friends?! How the **** should i tell my bests friend i love her? It was hard, beacause some days I tought omg she loves me back, she playd with my hair, she lauged at everyone of my jokes and stupid stuff like that. But other days she acted like i was nothing more as a friend. And a year has passed by since then, and this is the present day im talking about, im 19 years old and sitting in my, room, high, writting this blog thinking it will help me with my inner problems, because today i did something stupid. Yesterday we were on a concert , actualy we wanted to go on a concert but we ended up drunk and high in our car. we lauged had the best time, i want to tell her, but i was to affraid i would mess the great time. Then we went home, i went to bed, disapointed, because i was such a coward. Now here comes the stupid part. I had a dream, how i came to her house, just to find her with my good friend in the bed. The dream was so real, when i woke up, i wanted to puke. But i didnt, isntead i worte here an sms explaining that i feel more then just a friend, that im different person, and that it was just to much for me, i had to tell here, else i would lost my mind, at 10.00 am at the morning... Now its 3.32 pm, she still didnt wrote me back. So you will hear the finish of this story when she writes me back ... if she ever does. But in the end even if i did this stupid thing, at least i will know for sure, but i again im not sure if i want to know for sure, because, im rly affraid the answer will be sorry but i love u in a brother way or stupid shit like that. Now you rly get me why i miss being a kid. No girls that would mess up my mind.... I hope u liked my story. Sorry for the mistakes! :D Eng is not my mother toung.

Yes. She wrote back. Offcorse the answer was im sorry but i only want to be your friend. I died a little inside when i saw those words. I realy lived in a fairytale, that when you meat the girls of your dreams she will be in to you to, because you fit together like puzzles. Clearly it is not like that. I worte her back how i cannot be her friend because when she will meet a boy, and when she falls in love in will die. For real. Thats why i dont want to be arround when she will be happy, but not because of me. The feeling i have now is like, no one will ever love her as much as i do. I would give everything for her. I would even die for her. I know its so lame. How can you feel like that. **** it. I hate being in love. I rly do. I hate her for being so perfect. Now i understand all those "i hate you, but i still love you." that i found so clishe in the movies. Today i imagined this is how a junkei must feel when he has no heroin. I even shed a tear. Thats not me!! I never cried, not since i was a kid. With every girl i had something, i was like **** it, **** her, i dont care. But with her i rly lost the will to live. It's like i dont see the sun any more. I still laugh when im with my friends, but its a fake laugh, and i act like i am ok. But im not. This shit hurts. Thats the main reason im writing this blog. To get this out of me. Probably even non will read it. The only thing that keeps me alive now, is the hope that one day the pain will stop. I rly hope it will. Marlyn Monro once said: If you make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything. Thats rly not the case. Because i made her laugh all the ****ing time. Oh how much i miss her, every second, i cant stop thinking about her, its even worse now, because i will see her on rear ocasions... And you know what happend today? Today i went to a friends house to get a bag, but ass soon as i entered she was there. WHY KARMA; WHY?? I looked at her, i smiled(i did not want to see her that i suffer, cus she would start to feel bad, because still im her good friend, she cares for me) , she smiled back. I wonder what she was thinking. Probably , what a stupid guy. Even tough i said i dont want to be her friend any more. I wrote her today, because here where i live there is a party, and i said to her that she has to come. The reason , i want to see her one last time. She probably does not even know that i love her. I told her that i just feel something more then a friend. But i love her so much. Im affraid love like that comes only once in your life. And mine is only a friend. I cant beleave how all other girls dont look atractive any more to me. Its like they lost all theyr glow, or i lost my sex drive. I rly dont know. The only thing i do know is that i love her. And why does it have to be this way? Probably karma thinks im not worth of such and angel. Maby i have to do more good and then i would be worthy of true love. The last bit karma can give me is if she ends up with some of my firends, whos egos are big so or so. They dont need a nother boost like that. If i would see that i would die. Because i did so much for her! But in the end she will find someone, and i will probably not. Today at the party i will see if there are any girls, who are my tipe. Maby i need just a real party, and a nother girl who i find preety and i will forget about her. I hope so. But i know if i can motivate my self to even start a relationship, and about sex with strangers , i dont like that. So or so girls my tipe dont give away on first dates. xD. And there is a nother problem, im not good looking. Im a normal guy. And im a little bigger and more ackward. But i can talk . Thats what girls like about me. Im a good listener, i can talk. And thanks to all the movies, and girls books about men, i know what a girl wants. I rly beleave its not about looks. But you have to be good dressed, so you dont look like a hobo. But dont listen to my advice, look where it got me... i hope one day i will write a book about , my life and all the people. The next post will be about my friends. The guyz and a girl i didnt mention in this post. They theserve their own. Because they all have storys worth writing down.

Feel free to share the biographies of your friends.
But make sure you describe them more extensively because your first 2 posts are rather short.
I'm sure it would contribute to the quality of this forum

Off the record. Are you on heroin or something?