Dumper sent me a letter in the mail
I checked my regular mail today and got a package from my ex-boyfriend. We broke up 2 weeks ago. He had told me he bought me a gift before the breakup and was going to send it to me. It was an antique WWII Japanese ring dish and an antique butterfly hair clip (because he accidentally broke my ring dish) and it came with a letter. The letter said this:
Hey you, It's hard not to write sugar boo, sweetie, sugar muffin, or any of what I would like to say considering the situation we're in. Where to begin and how to end one of the last things I may be able to write you? It's tough not to spill myself out after holding back for so long. The things I've never told you and everything you deserve. You rpatience with me is almost super human. But I guess that has its limits too. Seeing how you miss us, in your last email, hit hard. Only because, I do too.
For too long I would hold in whatever emotional baggage would come up and try to forget about it. It was really wearing me down and I just wanted a nice emotional outlet to relax in. After I admitted too much to you, things got harder for us. Instead of really trying to work things out, I did what I was used to. Bundle it up, tuck it away and forget about it. I never took the time to really let things go. Being so sensitive and with a threat from you (which wasn't that bad) I just snapped and let everything go. Of course I emotionally rationalized what I was doing instead of logically. But, I couldn't take your resentment too and could see the day coming where it was going to end badly. I could almost see you finding someone else randomly after being so fed up. So I did it.
I felt bad, shaky, nauseous, and all the wonderful feelings that come with that. But to me it was better something lame than something deceitful and vindictive. Later on the way home from work the person I had spent so much time trying to forget (he's talking about his ex-fiancee) texted me "hi-mom was just asking about you. Hope you're doing well" or something like that. After a little conversation about family, work, and some encouragement from my part (she's having a hard time I guess) I realized that everyone was right and she wasn't the person I've had in my mind and changed completely. The whole letting go thing had started to make sense when I realized that she was actually pretty dumb, and I felt sorry for her. I hate to say that, but I'll only tell you.
So there I was, free of all my baggage. Until, I noticed that, well I got one more. "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation" - Kahlil Gibran. Man has some good books, a tear and a smile, was one of my favorites. At first I assumed the damage had been done and I'd never be forgiven. Stick to my guns, get organized, and improve my life however I could. Tend to the garden to bring the butterflies, if only to see them going by. Was doing pretty good, I thought, but stress can sneak up on you when you think you're doing great, when really, you're just fooling yourself. So going back to relaxing and taking my time I caught another break and went with my roommate to the music show. Then I realized when I saw you again (we ran into each other on halloween) how nice it was to talk to you again. In my mind I was thinking maybe a new first date with a new man again.
Would she recognize how I've changed, could she see it? But, the damage lingered in the air with passing foul language and dirty looks from strangers (here he's referring to my friends that came up and said some not so nice things to him) Our time was tained at every turn but I would not have it. Until, I saw the damage in your eyes as well. Then I knew I had been lost to you and couldn't bear the sight of it.
Then he goes on in the letter to talk about what the presents meant and wrote:
I've apologized many times but it will never be enough to make up to you for what I've done and the B.S. you've had to put up with for so long. I don't expect to be forgiven, hopefully though not misunderstood.
With Love and Sincereity,
(his name)
SOOO....that's the first time he's EVER mentioned "love" to me. First he quotes that love after separation and the ending signature. What does this mean? He doesn't mention anything about getting back together, but it seems like he knows what he did wrong. I then replied back to him in text "That was really beautiful and sad. I'm sorry things couldn't work out between us, I wish we had worked on it before we broke up. You probably already know this, but I was falling in love with you but knowing I wouldn't get that back, I had to stop 'chasing' remember? But knowing this, if I truly did feel that way I couldnt be selfish and had to let you go. Sort of like that butterfly clip :) when I wear it I'll think of you and hope you are happy wherever you are."
He wrote back "Well thank you, when I think of yo uill hope you are one happy little girl too, wearing that strange little butterfly clip :) "
At this point, I tend to go NC. We ended on a good note, but I wish he would have asked to see me even if it was just for coffee. What do you guys think?
