I love my girlfriend but she doesn't turn me on

I know it's a long question, if you don't wanna read it all, read just first two paragraphs, everything is explained there, later are details (which would also be good if you read, but it's not essential). Anyway, I'm in a relationship and most of the stuff is great, we can talk a lot, have a lot of common interests etc.

But the problem is, she doesn't turn me on. I mean, she does, but she doesn't, it's hard to describe. When we kiss and have sex and stuff like that, that is great. But I have a few fetishes on clothes (especially high heels and miniskirts), and she won't do it. It's not never, she wears it sometimes, but not as often as I'd like (and I'd like heels at least once a week and skirts once a month).

And when we go out, I feel much much nicer and everything is better to me if she is wearing stuff like that. But I can't describe it to her how much i want that, because as soon as I start, she says something like "you don't love me for who I am", which is not true, because if I didn't love her, I'd already break up with her and look for a girl who dresses better.

But still, no matter how much I love her, I just can't help myself and fix my fetishes, they're very strong and won't go. For example, if I was single, I'd rather be with an ugly girl who dresses sexy, then with very pretty girl who dresses badly.

And my girlfriend is pretty, and most of the stuff is great, it's just that she won't dress sexy as much as I'd want her to. And I don't ask her to dress whorish, like very short skirts or to show thong or stuff like that, just decent but sexy, some normal heels and skirt, not to short.

What also makes me feel very bad is when she goes out with her (girl) friends and dresses the way I like (but I'm not with her). Then I almost feel like she's cheating on my (only not with other guys but with clothes).

I thought about letting it go for a while and see if she'll change on her own, but I can't. Last time she wore heels was about a week ago and she'll wear it again probably in one week, so it's two weeks I won't see her in heels and I feel like it's the end of the world, I just can't wait that long. And to make things even worse, she will go out with her friends tonight and she'll dress sexy (she told me) and now I feel like she is cheating on me and I have to wait one week for things to be right again. We will probably go out tomorrow, so I thought of telling her something like "if you could dress that way today, you can also do it tomorrow for me", what do you think?

I guess then she's not miss Right. A relationship should cover most of the most important aspects of it, and being turned on by your partner is pretty essential. Otherwise, without the sexual part it can be just a friendship. I don't know how long you've been together, but I guess that you're not together many years, since the sexual desire loses its intensity a little bit after two people have lived together for so long. But at least the first 3-4 years, NOT being turned on by your girlfriend doesn't make it for a good start at all. And I can understand that it's important for you. Everbody has it's own fetishes, so your's is with clothes. What can you do? She doesn't have the whole package. You love her, but she lacks something very important for you (if it wasn't important then you wouldn't come here posting this). You're not in the same wavelength, you don't have the appropriate chemistry.

But you can still try and express yourself to her and tell her that she would make you happy if she would be willing to try and make your fantasies true, which are not at all extreme, they just have to do with clothes. Big deal. If she's not willing, then it's up to you, whether you put up with it or you look for miss Right for you.

Well it's not that she doesn't turn me on completely, when we make out and have sex, that's great, I'm turned on then. But when we're out, I just feel bad if she's dressed like a guy.

And when I think about it, maybe it's not even about the clothes, maybe I wanna feel that she does something for me. Because if she told me she liked some shirt or shoes or something I have, I'd wear it for her. I actually do it, I know which of my clothes she likes and I try to wear it every time we're together. But for her it's not so intense and it would probably be ok for her if I wore something else. But still, she knows how much I like it when she's dressed sexy, and it really bothers me she won't do it as much as I want. Isn't the point of being in a relationship making your partner feel good?

One more explanation I came up with, maybe she thinks if she dresses sexy every time, I'll eventually grow bored of her, so maybe that's why she's not doing it often. But that's not true, I want her to be sexy as much as possible and I won't grow bored of it. It's more likely that I'll grow bored of her messing with me. But how do I explain her that, I can't just say "wear heels every time or I'll break up with you".

And we've been together for about five months, a little over that

It seems anyway that it is important for you what she's wearing. What would you do if she turned to you and said "look, get over it, I'm going to wear whatever I like"?

It's a bit dodgy, to make her understand that it's not about the clothes, it's about her making something that will make you happy. It's extremely easy to take this the wrong way and think that it's all about what she's wearing and that you make a big deal out of this. It sure is not charming or loving to have your boyfriend making a deal out of this, but honestly, personally I see where you're coming from. My borfriend wants me to wear sexu clothes when we're together, I don't have any problems with that, on the contrary I love having sexy clothes when with him, but sometimes I may feel for having something more comfortable tyhan sexy. But I may as well have the sexy just to make him happy cause I know he likes it. I want to be nice and sexy for him. I hate it when partners stop taking care of themselves when they have a long term relationship and get ugly and fat. Yes it should be based on feelings and love, but you want your partner to feel happy and nice and turned on while in your company.

Maybe your girlfriend find it hard to open her mind and see what you mean and let go. You should talk with her and tell her that you actually don't care about the clothes otherwise you'd go after women that dress sexy, but you choose being with her. And then tell her that it's about HER doing something for YOU and that it would be nice if she would do it occasionally. It would be the same thing as say cooking your favorite food occasionally even though maybe it's not her favorite. She would do it to please you. I hope she opens up her mind a bit.

If you are arguing about this after 5 months then you might as well call it quits. Your girl is already taking you for granted and can't be bothered to dress up to look good for you. That will only get worse and is highlighted by the fact that she dresses up to go out with the girls. Which probably means she's into attracting guys on those nights out, even if she isn't being unfaithful. She's either bored with you, or she's dressing down deliberately because you get too focused on sex when she dresses up. Consider that it is a pain in the rear to have a bloke harping on about your clothes and pretty shallow in the long run. But if that's your hangup then you better find a natural sex kitten who likes to have men drooling. There are men who aren't happy unless they have a dolly bird that makes other men envious and there are women who enjoy that scenario too. Just keep looking, you'll find one. If you marry one you'll need a hefty bank balance to support her. Fashion plates don't come cheap.