how do i interpret his actions?
Hi I have a bit of a story and it goes like this..... I am 40 separated almost divorced and almost over 1 yr ago I met a guy ( 34 yrs ) on an internet site. We clicked immediately
and messaged like crazy all night. It wasn't anything sexual it was just stuff about ourselves and our music tastes, our university days etc and it was funny stuff too and ended with him giving me his mobile number . I texted him immediately and the next few days we kept in touch this way. Now this guy is also separated , for 2-3 weeks this continued and I asked to meet him and he disappeared and did not reply.
After a week he got back to me apologising for being a flake and we set a date to meet. On the day I arrived at the place and received a message from him saying he hadn't even left work yet but that he was going to come. I waited 3 hrs for him as he kept texting to say he was on his way , I called it a day and went home.
He messaged apologising and the following week we met. I wasn't that enamoured by his looks when I met him as he was not that goodlooking nor was he very confident. He clearly liked me as I could tell. After the date I found out he also had 2 small girls who lived with their mother and they had relocated to an area near me.
As I drove home I felt disappointed and was tempted to say that I did not think we were compatible however I thought he was the same guy I had been speaking to on text and I did not want to be shallow as we had built up a thing over the last few weeks. The next night we went out together for a date and we ended up sleeping together.
we had a nice time he was very loving and sweet and kept kissing me. the next day he was flying to New York on bussiness and he texted some flirty things about the date but when he got to new york he texted to say he freaked out and that he feels that having sex ruined the last 10 years of his marraige. I could not text him back as I was upset. He texted me to say he really liked me and then nothing.
After that the text messages were few and far between and were no longer fu, we lost touch and for 6 months nothing. Then out of the blue he messaged me on facebook saying he had lost his phone and that he was desperately trying to find my number and get in touch and left his number for me if I wanted to get in touch. I have to say I thought "do not go there again!" as after the last time I was really upset. Anyway I did text him and he was so keen he texted constantly saying lovely things and desperate for a date. I however kept putting it off.
Eventually I agreed to meet him and 2 hours before the date he cancelled saying work was running over and he couldn't leave. I just did not reply and did not contact him 5 days later he texted apologising profusely asking for another chance. I said I was through and that I just can't put myself n the line over and over again but he begged me and we met agin and we had a really good night and ended up sleeping together.
He then wanted another date he took me to and amazing restaurant and showed me his work place talked frankly about work and family etc. that date was amazing and yes we slept together again. Then the next week he was seeing his kids and he was off work and asked me to be exclusive with him and he wanted to see me all the time.
Well his contact that week was very minimal and I just thought he was with his kids and left him to it. we arranged another date and I thought that went well but the following week his contact was minimal. We had even got to phone calls before that. I did the stupid insecure thing of texting a long message about him messing me around and that I would meet someone who would treat me nice eventually. I did not hear from him and I tried calling once he did not answer my call.
I left it and a week later I texted to see how he was. He always answered my texts and we never spoke of meeting again. He disappeared again on and off for 3 months. I stupidly messaged him again and asked if he wanted to go to the movies as friends. He agreed and all week on the run up to the date I did not hear from him but I left it thinking I am not chasing him.
Well he came over and joked about we need to meet more often, we watched the movie he took my hand through the movie and was very sweet and considerate. We came back to mine and had a cup of tea and talked, he said I should just push him to do stuff more and that he needs to move on from his soon to be ex as it's not healthy , he said he saw her as a sister but it was hard with the kids.
I said he did not need to rush himself to get over it and that everyone has their own way of getting over things. We kissed a bit and the as things got heavy I said I did not think we should sleep together as it confuses things for me if he disappears again. well needless to say we ended up together again.
The next day he sent me a lovely message I tried not to worry or get anxious I casually replied that it was a good evening. Messaging was sparse that week but I just let him come to me. He had tried to arrange a date before he left that night but I had said that we will talk about it closer to the time.
Well last night he messaged me to say he is going to Japan on a work trip which he had told me previously about and wasnt looking forward to it and what my plans were for the weekend. I told him I was going out with friends. I did go out and got a bit drunk and sent him a little message asking how he was and he did not reply.
Then at 4 in the morning before I went to bed I messaged him saying that I knew what it was like trying to get over someone and that it took me almost 2 yrs to get over an ex once so if he is struggling I am happy just to be friends. I have heard nothing from him today. I know that he is probably on a plane and that he probably id freaking out again as he always does.
Why can't I let go of him, am I in love with him?. I am really good looking, loads of guys like me I get a lot of attention from good looking guys but I can;t seem to get my heart into it.
I have kissed a few other guys and I have told this guy that I am not willing to be exclusive at the moment and that he needs to play around a bit.
He is not that kind of guy he listens to a lot of sad stuff and I even made him a playlist to pick him up. I know he may never get over the breakdown of his marraige and that I myself don't want to live with someone again.
I'm just frustrated, does he like? I feel he does when we are together but how can he not think about me? is this how men are?
