Am I a love addict? Or anxious?
Hello dear reader, many, many, MANY thanks in advance for reading this, it means the world to me, I know this is long but please try and bare with me, haha. :)
I'm never here, and my name is Hanna. I'm sixteen years old and in my first serious relationship. Now to give a brief history of my life before my relationship, I was much of a home body. I loved staying at home, reading a book, watching a movie, cuddling with my cats, I didn't party as much or go out often with my friends. But it didn't mean I wouldn't go to a party or a movie with them, I just don't get invited that often to do things. My parents divorced recently, it's been about two years, and after that, I had anxiety.
To make a long story short, about a few months (eight or seven?) the divorce I fell in love with my best friend, best friend wasn't in love with me, but she led me on, and basically, used me. I was devastated, and got very depressed because of it. I wanted to die because she made me feel so terrible, and what made it worse I had to see her every day afterwards because of school.
About half a year later after that, I met someone online (out of the many new friends I was making) and had this special feeling about her ever since the first message she sent me. We talked more and more, and we had an amazing friendship, I never connected with someone as well as I did with her. I started developing feelings for her, though, I tried so hard not to, because she was already in a relationship with her boyfriend. I realized I was falling for her badly is when I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for her, but, if she was happy I knew I would somehow be too, if I was in a relationship or not with her.
Load and behold, she was falling for me too. She broke up with her boyfriend, and started going out with me, and here we are, approaching nine months of dating PURELY long distance. I got to see her over this past summer, and it was the best three days of my life with her, even when we practically did nothing but hang around the hotel room because it was so hot outside.
Anyways, now, I am questioning if I am just a love addict. I've been reading online some of the symptoms of it and I am now paranoid that I might be one. Take it in mind that I have general anxiety, and sometimes I over analyze things to death, even more than the average woman. I also have a fear of rejection, due to my past.
I am questioning if I am one because I have been spending a lot of my free time with my girl, but I do have outside activities too, I go out with friends once in a while and am involved with club activities (I'm even president of one!). I've been feeling depressed but I wonder if that's the birth control I tried that made me feel so crummy or the time of year of fall (this is when my parents got divorced). I think about her, and sometimes get distracted. I feel a bit disconnected and distant from friends, but they have been getting their own lives, relationships, jobs, band, etc.
I do admit, when I first met my girlfriend, it felt like she did lift me from the depression I had, almost like a 'cure'. She gave me a new zest and outlook on life, made me feel motivated, alive with hope, and she knew how to make me laugh or smile, like she does now!
Please, can anyone help me? Am I possibly a love addict or is this my anxiety coming into play? I'm very scared, because I know I love my girlfriend and I don't want to ruin our relationship because of my damn worries or fears. Any advice please?
