Still In Love

Hello everyone, im new to the forum, and I decided to put my story here. Its a really dumb story, heh. I think it is anyway. :bored:


It was the summer of the year 2001. I Just finished my sophomore year in highschool. I was ready to have some fun!!! But my mom made me get a job. :sad2: So i started working at a supermarket in walking distance from my house. I was a bagger, sucky job, horrible hours. But.... I was a stupid kid and 100 dollars a week was alot to me :) Anyhow I worked there well into the next school year. Then I started noticing a girl that worked there. So I did the normal stuff stupid kids do.... So we sorta had a thing. Nothing official. When all this stuff was going on there was always another girl, who worked there( I think we were supposed to be working not fraternizing XD) who when i got to know her at school and stuff, seemed really nice. She was perfect in every way, nice, pretty, and really smart. So on valentines day 2002. I got The girl i had the thing with flowers, when the other girl asked about it, I lied. I said i didnt get anyone anything...

As things go, time passes and the girl i sorta went out with exited my life. The other girl was always there. She always talked to me and had a smile. But the thing about me is that im a horrible person. Im mean, and didnt want to have anything to do with this girl really. But something about her... Everyday we talked, (she would start talking to me) and i would always have something mean to say. Then we had this class together in school, and she sat by me. I would pretend i was asleep or reading a book. I guess as time went on she realized i wasnt interested. She stopped talking to me regularly. She wouldnt say hi. Then she got promoted. :horror: She was sorta my boss now. (Im a bad stor teller, this is like summer already) So that summer i worked like normal and sorta forgot about everything. But i noticed, i noticed she wasnt really my friend anymore, i noticed how guys looked at her at school. I noticed when she walked by me in the halls and kept going. I noticed. Then one night at work. I got off late, and she had to leave early. She jokingly said i was in charge, and started saying something..... I wasnt listening, i was completely captivated by her eyes. She was the most beautiful person i knew and i wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. As all of this raced through my head like 3 seconds passed. She left smiling.
I couldnt accept that i was in live with her. I didnt understand it. But i loved her. Time went by, i never acted on any of this. She started talking to me again that summer, and into the fall we were friends again.
Her birthday rolled around in november and she asked me what i was gonna get her :sad2: I didnt know what to say i was sorta shocked by that, because she hadnt said anything to me in like a month. I got her like this teddy bear, and couldnt even get the guts to give it to her. I got a little guy from the neighborhood to take it >< . The next time i saw her she thanked me for the gift and went away smiling. From here to christmas she wouldnt talk to me. She didnt look at me. She seemed mad at me. i dont know what i said or did. But like I said before i was mean then. That month i couldnt help it, i didnt understand what was wrong with me. I couldnt handle the rejection. I cried alone, i even took up cutting my arms... I didnt understand what was wrong with me. Then christmas rolled around and i got her a completely thoughtless gift... Then i quit. i couldnt work there anymore. I dropped out of highschool and got some job in construction and lived with some pretty bad people for awhile. The day I was signing out of school, I walked passed her in a hallway at school. I stopped to say something anything..... Without even looking my way she kept going...... The moment lasted forever. Then i walked off campus and got kicked ou of my house for having quit school. :(
The last time i saw her was when i went to pick up my last check at work. She was there pretty as ever. counting some money or something. She didnt acknowledge the fact that i was there. I said nothing. I left. She knew i was there. she knew i left At school she knew what i was doing. and when she walked by me in that hallway that last day in school... She knew io was there.
That was the last time i saw her.
Over the next six months i felt dead, so many thing were racing through my head and i was on the brink of mental collapse. I loved her. I needed her. I created this beautiful person in my mind who was the only thing i needed , only thing i wanted, only person i could ever love. I dont know if she is that person, but i needed her. Then with nowhere to go, i went to live with my grandfather in mexico. He got me back on my feet, and i went back to school graduated and came home. I got a new job (same company :bored: different area) ,and started college. But the key thing was that i started changing. I became a better person. More understanding, and caring for others. So that i could be a good person for her. I knew id never see her again, but..... So time went by to the present... and I still had this image of this perfect girl in my mind. Anytime another girl seems interested , i tell them im married, or that im in a relationship with somebody else. I cant even look at other girls anymore. I got an overnight job recently, and ever since then i stopped going out at day, unless i had to. I keep to myself and I really feel... like im just waiting to die. I havent seen her... heard her voice... Since January 19, 2003. I remember the date... All i can do is visit memories. and wonder what shes doing now. Who shes with. If shes married. If shes happy. If shes hungry... hurt... sick... and so i really feel like the rest of my life is going to be like this. Im still in love with the girl i met at the supermarket.
Thanks for reading this :(

wow, this is some crazy story. t'is been 2 years, why don't you try to move on? it would be for the best and if you really wanna know how she is, why don't you try going back and find her? talk to her, do whatever you have to so you don't have to feel so depressed and alone. and cutting yourself doesn't help at all and i know, because i used to do it and i regret most of em because i still got em scars on my right arm. i hate em but there's nothing i can do.

You should make that into a book.

I have just broke up only.. we patch back after 1 year. and broke up again... 1 year, I also cant forget him. hai.. I think I shd move on with life already...