moving forward in relationship?
hi, i've recently been encountering an issue in my relationship and really appreciate your advice!
my bf and i have been together for almost 5 years now. it's been a rocky road at times, but overall we click really well, have a great time, and have similar interests/goals, and i view him as "the one" for me. he's a really special and awesome person and we really love and respect each other. we went through a rough patch about a year ago and i wasn't sure if the relationship would work out. however, we worked through it and have been in a really good place since the summer. over the summer, we talked about moving in together in the near future, and he said that he wanted us to get engaged, married, and maybe even have kids in the next 5 years. i said that's what i wanted too. i recently finished school and my career might take me out of our current city. i am happy to move because i don't like this city where we are living, but because of some family issues he has been back and forth over whether he would be ok with moving. over the summer, we discussed it and didn't really come to a conclusion- it was hard since it's hypothetical at this point, but we agreed that our priority is to be together and we are each willing to make sacrifices to make it work.
so....this fall i was expecting that we would move in together, but now he has seemed reluctant and nervous about doing so. i brought this up with him, and he said he's nervous as he hasn't lived with a gf before. i guess i understand being nervous, but we're not young kids (in our late 20s) and i feel like if he's serious about moving forward in the relationship, it's been 5 years- i don't really understand what he's waiting for at this point. it makes me feel like he doesn't really want to move forward with me and has doubts. it's frustrating because he's the one who brought up wanting to move in together and all the other stuff about marriage and kids, and now he's acting like i'm pressuring him or he's so stressed out by the idea. over the summer, he applied to go back to school and was accepted to the program. he also recently started a new job, and we have not been seeing each other as much. i understand his being busy and i don't want to be too demanding, but i feel frustrated by the situation and i feel like old issues are resurfacing between us. for example, he will choose to go to the gym for a really long time instead of making time to see me (when we have not seen each other all week), or be 2 hours late for coming to my house, and i will just be waiting and waiting. it makes me feel like i'm not a priority anymore. we are going to temporarily be long distance this winter, as i am doing contract job for several months, and i'm getting nervous like if it's like this now, not seeing each much when we're in the same city, what is it going to be like then?
i have hesitated to bring this up with him because i'm having trouble gauging whether i'm being obnoxious or demanding- i guess i just was really expecting to follow through on moving in together and so on and i'm sad that it's not happening....i want to feel like we're building a future together and instead feel like we're stuck in a rut...
