forced marriage and a lot of issues - muslim/christian couple

I was thinking about how to best summarize the subject in the "title" as it is a very complex situation I am in at the moment. Please excuse me for taking some of your time as my story won't be a short one.

First of all a little about myself. I am 30 years old, female and have been in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man from the westbank (Palestine) for almost 2 years. I am a christian while he is a Muslim.

We met each other on facebook in early 2010 after I saw his picture on the list of a friend of a friend of a friend (Posted Image you get the idea..) and messaged him just to make him a small compliment on his picture. This is how we started talking. We initially communicated over google translate as he knew only very few words in english while my knowledge of his language, arabic, doesn't stretch beyond maybe 30 words.. Despite this we never got fed up with this difficult way of communication and soon spent 2 or 3 hours at least every night chatting over msn messenger. What struck me about him is his down to earth and genuine personality. He is extremely handsome but isn't arrogant about it. After some weeks we started phoning each other despite the language barrier. The first times were a little awkward but within few months his english improoved and what started off with silence and shy giggling turned into basic conversations.. we decided to meet personally. I travelled to the westbank.

He showed up with 3 of his friends who all treated me very respectfully.. and there in the background was he.. his handsome olive skin tone had turned into a dark red shade and we shook hands for the first time. I didn't feel less shy than he was.. he was looking to the floor and slowly his face turned towards me.. and our eyes met for the first time. I must have been as red as a tomato myself (thats what he told me later) but I immediately felt "at home" when I saw his eyes.. This comfortable and familiar feeling struck both of us.. he later told me that we felt the same in this moment.

We travelled on to his city.. where he introduced me to his family. I had insisted of staying in a hotel but he wouldn't accept it. Now some of you may say.. how naive and stupid of you to take such a risk. ANd I couldn't blame anyone of saying this.. In fact I was nervous and thought "what did i get myself into"

His family was very welcoming and they decided I would be sharing a room with his sister who spoke english very well. We became friends quite soon and she also was the one who "shaperoned" A. and me whenever we went out. His family is rather traditional and A. said he didn't want anyone to think bad of me by walking alone with him. HIs sister gave us a lot of space so we could have private conversations and soon I realized that I had lost my heart to A. Our conversations became romantic (again he was so shy which attracted me even more to him) but he behaved absolutely decent and respectful with me. He never had been in a relationship before and it was the first time he was getting to know a woman. He asked me to get engaged so we could have a respectable status towards his family and people in general. I should have listened to my heart in this moment but I was too afraid to commit to soon to someone I had just recently met in person. His mother asked me the same question. If A. and me are getting married. I kind of panicked and said "not for now". It just went too fast.. Also because I didn't know what to say to my family who is strongly opposed to me marring a non-christian. It was too much for me at a time.. but yet we kept talking to each other day by day after I returned home. I told him that I wanted to marry him.. but that I would need some more time to know him better.

Then some problems started. His family had strong opinions because I am not a muslim. I do wear moderate dress especially while I was in his country. But I am not a muslim and don't wear hijab.. his family thinks western women leave their husbands after some years and take children away from him.. it's all stupid stereotypes. They liked me while I was there staying with them but then they changed their mind and thought A. shouldn't marry a nonmuslim european.

Then the day came when A. sounded very depressed on the phone (by now his english had greatly improoved) and said his father had trapped him into an engagement with his cousin!!! It was one of these family visits when suddenly A's father made the proposal to the family of A's cousin for them to get married. ABout 20 pairs of eyes were looking at A. and at his cousin. The girl accepted the same day and A. was afraid to say anything because there had been a family conflict going on.. And this "engagement" was supposed to fix these tensed relations. A. asked his father "what are you doing??" and the father told him that he decided he would marry his cousin and that if he rejected that he wouldn't be his son anymore.

A. wanted to be diplomatic and not embarass his father and put a further strain on the damaged relationship between thee family members. He told me about what had happened but that he would fix the situation. He refused to speak with his cousin.. he didn't treat her well, he wouldn't go and visit her house, avoided her parents in an attempt to boycott the arranged engagement. We were hoping the girl would withdraw but she didn't!! His family kept increasing the pressure on A. His mother had a "nervous breakdown" and his father got "heart problems". They are now threatening to disown him and to exclude him from the family. The family of the girl (his mother's sister's family) is also putting pressure on A.'s family that he cannot break the engagement.. It is considered as an unfinalized marriage (they haven't moved in with each other, haven't touched each other but he has seen her without the veil). The family has even gone as far as registering this "engagement" or marriage.. We had the idea of getting married in Denmark (where it is very unbureaucratic to get married in europe), applying for family reunification and him leaving the country. I am aware that this is a horrible thing to do towards the girl.. but what all these people involved don't see.. is that A. DOES NOT WANT and NEVER WANTED to be with his cousin. Isn't this haram in Islam? I kept on insisting that he would finish things up with this girl.. but he is afraid that his family would break apart and that the girls family will hurt her..

We dearly love each other. We speak on the phone every day. I sent him papers to visit me in my country in january for a month so he can see what he will be in with in case he cuts all family ties. At the same time I feel so horrible about him breaking up with his entire family. We met in Jordan in March and I have sent him a visa invitation just now and he will apply for a visitor visa so he can spend a month here and see how the life is here. Unfortunately we can't get married in Denmark yet as his family registered this arranged marriage straight away and in the family register he is now listed as married.. which means he cannot provide a proof of singleness which is required in most countries.

What do you recommend me to do?

I am in deep depression, I had lost all joy in life and my doctor put me on strong antidepressants just that i can cope with the situation.. I love A. so much. If at least he would be happy with his cousin.. i'd let him go (he knows this) but he doesn't want her. He sais his only wish is to be married to me and build a family together.. :( :(

Thanks for listening..