Detachment

I posted something about the thing I am going through at the moment. What I am learning out of it that most problems we create for ourselves are coming out of the fact that we are attaching ourselves to the wrong people. Otherwise we would recognize a bad situation and just walk out of it. I read other posts here and it is always the same. Why is he/she doing that and taking it personal instead of just leaving it alone. I am trying, but then I fall back again in the same old emotional state. Which is really giving power away instead of using it for something better.

I think it has to do with our previous experiences, especially with our childhood. I had a father who was not available, physically and emotionally. He hated women, at least he had no respect for them. And sure enough, as much as I didn't like him, I still fall for guys who are like this and try to change the story trying to change them. It never works of course. I had also some traumatic experiences which plays a role. And so it happened that I never had a functional relationship.

As long as I am alone, I am doing fine. I have friends and a good life. Only when I start having love emotions, the whole mess is starting. This is why I think it is the best to leave it alone and just be by myself.

Just wondering if there are people who have the same experiences or if I am just so strange...

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Originally Posted by Mona_B [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I posted something about the thing I am going through at the moment. What I am learning out of it that most problems we create for ourselves are coming out of the fact that we are attaching ourselves to the wrong people. Otherwise we would recognize a bad situation and just walk out of it. I read other posts here and it is always the same. Why is he/she doing that and taking it personal instead of just leaving it alone. I am trying, but then I fall back again in the same old emotional state. Which is really giving power away instead of using it for something better.

I think it has to do with our previous experiences, especially with our childhood. I had a father who was not available, physically and emotionally. He hated women, at least he had no respect for them. And sure enough, as much as I didn't like him, I still fall for guys who are like this and try to change the story trying to change them. It never works of course. I had also some traumatic experiences which plays a role. And so it happened that I never had a functional relationship.

As long as I am alone, I am doing fine. I have friends and a good life. Only when I start having love emotions, the whole mess is starting. This is why I think it is the best to leave it alone and just be by myself.

Just wondering if there are people who have the same experiences or if I am just so strange...

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Stop whining and compalaining on here and get on with your life. How's it feel????

Do you have a bad day or what? I am not whining, these are just thoughts. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it.

Keep your frustrations for yourself, ok? There are things I read here I don't think are that meaningful, but I don't lash out on people for it. Either I say something I find constructive or I leave it alone. You should follow that example, LOL.

Just dishing out the same advice given to me by you. Really helpful, huh??

Ok, you are right. I didn't mean it to hurt you. Anyway, probably came out wrong, sorry.

What can you say about kids who grew up with an authoritarian style parent(s)? I was a bit of a rebellious and angry child.

I don't know what your health care covers in Germany, but check out subsidized therapy. When an emotional issue starts affecting your day to day life, it becomes a legitimate medical problem. The slang for this is 'daddy issues' and covers the whole spectrum of women who respond to douche like behaviour because their fathers were unavailable.

Again, if you keep dating losers because you feel the need to prove to yourself that your father can change or that he at least cared on some level, it's time to stop projecting your issues and let a professional help you resolve them.

Good luck.

Yes, I have had the same problems in the past. I worked on my own insecurities while I was single. I tried to learn how to better myself. After that, I decided to take relationships slowly, and be friends for a while first. I also chose a man who had his life together, someone that I didn't have to change (I called them "project guys") I recommend a book that I read, called "Why Men Marry Bitches" It's not as terrible and man hating as it sounds. It teaches you that confidence and inner happiness is what men love, rather than a girl who puts up with whatever they dish out. Good luck! You aren't alone, though :)

Come on what's wrong with you!!

you have some truth in there.
great part of our partner choices comes from our childhood/ the house we lived in and the way we have been race.

But i think people choose a certain type of guy(bad ones) till they work on the problem they have.
Then they will start looking for better partners.
Cause true the process they can realize that , that kind of men are bad and there are better choices they can make
for themselves.

Not cause your dad was a drug dealer u have to keep dating those losers.
When u seek help from a psycholog for example, you can dig deeper and see why u choose such guys.
and then u can work on why not to choose them. etc. and your self esteem can grow also.