Made a mistake and hit the 2-3 month dating wall. Need advice.
Well this is my first post here, and while I've sought the advice of some close friends and family, I figured unbiased opinions will help. I hope this won't get too long, but I want to make sure everyone understands the situation. I am 28 and she is 31. First time I've dated anyone older than me.
In mid August I was at my cabin for the weekend for a friends Bachelor party. We were on the lake Saturday afternoon, lounging on the sandbar when a few of us walked down to see if we knew anyone else. Sure enough, two of my friends knew a girl on a pontoon. We all talked and hung out, and I was interested in her. She was in the pontoon of another guy, but she had just met them.
Fast forward the next week, my friends who knew her, mentioned I really should reach out to her, so I looked her up through my friends facebook and sure enough she remembered me and was interested in getting drinks. This was the 2nd weekend in September.
Since then we've spent more and more time together...usually 2-3 times a week and many times staying at eachother's houses. We took a trip Halloween weekend to my cabin and spent the weekend just the two of us at my place, but met with a lot of my friends and her friends who just happen to have cabins as well. It was a fantastic weekend and I found myself getting closer to her emotionally, even though after the first 2 dates, I had hesitations. She comes from a bit of a "nutty" family. She didn't finish college, but has a great job, and we have some different interests, yet share a lot of the same. It was a fun combination and we always joked and laughed. She also had a rough relationship past. She was engaged 3 years ago, but found out her fiance was a recovering alcoholic who started relapsing. They broke it off, he moved back to a neighboring state, and 6 months later, he committed suicide. She then fell into an unhealthy relationship with a person who started to become physical with her, she then moved out and ended that.
With all this in mind I still felt a fantastic draw to her, and a sense of being comfortable with her, that I haven't had before. Then she broke some news to me. The week we left for the cabin trip she said I have to tell you something. I thought of the worst....she said I booked a trip before we hung out to Portland. I said ok....she said you know who goes to college in Oregon...I said yes. (the guy whoms pontoon she was in, was a college student from Oregon. She ended up hanging out at their cabin that night. I teased her about this on our first date, but never thought they still talked). So as she told me this, she said I will cancel the trip because I don't want to ruin what we started. I wondered if this was a test or a trap and said I can't tell you what to do. We aren't in a relationship yet, it's not really my right. She asked me to come with, I declined that as well.
So we went to the cabin, I sort of didn't think about the trip and like I said, had a blast. Well as we got closer to Nov 10th, the day she left for the trip, I got a bad feeling. I was in a relationship 2 years ago that was with a pathological liar. She lied to me about every aspect of her life, and cheated repeatedly, got caught, yet still lied. I started thinking about the worst and it was beginning to bug me.
She left for the trip, we texted a few times while she was there, but she could tell I was being short with her. She came back and I was upset that night she got home. We spoke for an hr on the phone and that's when she told me about her ex fiance, and bad relationship she fell in after. She said I was pushing things a bit and I shouldn't be so worried that she isn't the type to just sleep around, especially at 31, but she can't totally commit to something after 2 months. We've hung out a few times since, but I felt she wasn't feeling the same and she was worried I was pushing this on her. Thanksgiving day happens, she texts me in the morning and that's all we said all day. That night my family was asking about her (they've never met) and I sent her a text mentioning that I was thankful I met her. I had a few glasses of wine....and I didn't hear back so responded some what quickly "I guess I'm alone on that and that I was worried something was wrong."
She wasn't happy and said I was getting myself worked up over nothing. We didn't talk the rest of the weekend and by Sunday I felt pretty stupid after rereading my texts. I sounded like a needy guy who was desperate. Yet at the same time, we both know this trip is what caused it. I called her and left a VM on her phone apologizing and asking if we could talk this past Monday. I have not heard back. I messaged our mutual friend and she told me, she has not spoken to her, but from what I've said, I need to give her some space and that in the past, said girl has liked a challenge and that I was being the total opposite. She said if she calls me, or reaches out to me, hold off for a day, and then respond. I'm just worried all is lost.
What do I do? I'm trying very hard not to say anything else to her, and giving her some space. I know I made a mistake, but it upsets me she won't contact me to tell me she's either done seeing me, or needs time. We both work in an office environment and chat on gmail during the day. She's been off for a week...avoiding me obviously. I'm trying to stay busy, but I tell you, she has 2 dogs that I became very attached to, and it's driving me crazy. How long do I give it? 1 week, 2 weeks? Longer and just forget about it? We have a group of mutual friends, so I'm surprised she wouldn't be embarrassed if this is the way she ends it. Anyways, sorry for the long post, sort of needed to vent. Hopefully I can get some unbiased answers! Thanks!
