Can past flings and interests still exist in new relationships?

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13-12-11, 07:18 PM
helmet

Can past flings and interests still exist in new relationships?

I have trust issues which I'm finding challenging to overcome. My boyfriend is in his late 20s, I'm in my early 20s. We've been together for a little over half a year now but possible situations continue to play in my mind. When we first got together I read his Facebook wall and he'd commented on girls' photos saying things like, 'sexy as', 'I'd tap that', 'looking fine', etc. I remember the names of the girls and I know they're still friends. He stopped doing this once he met me but it bothers me that I know the things he said to them and that they kept in touch. I dont know if they ever got together but id assume he wanted to. I haven't talked to him about it but he's well aware of my paranoia. Should I feel like he might still think those things about them?
13-12-11, 07:41 PM
bulrush

You shouldn't let it bother you. Those are the trust issues rearing it's ugly head, not much more. If you don't deal with these trust issues, it will likely break up any good relationship you find. So, it's better to deal with these things early in your life. I recommend a counselor. Find one that will not only listen to you, but will make a plan for you to illustrate that, when you trust someone, it most often ends up fine. Your brain might be locked into only remembering when bad things happened when you trust someone. You need help seeing the good and the bad things that happened whe you trust someone, and realizing that more good things happened than bad things.

I should know, I was there. I had trouble trusting someone so I could feel close to them. Some counseling and several patient girlfriends helped me get through this.
13-12-11, 11:52 PM
Boisdevie

You need to deal with this asap because otherwise it will kill your relationship and any other relationships in the future.
Counselling?
14-12-11, 01:56 AM
Mathias

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You need to deal with this asap because otherwise it will kill your relationship and any other relationships in the future.
Counselling?

Way over the top. Anyone (male or female) would be put off being in that situation. It's definitely reasonable to have concerns.

But, as long as he's stopped, and has been faithful to you - just chalk it up to an immature guy not knowing how to express himself.
14-12-11, 02:59 AM
stuckies

possibly or he may keep them round as a back-up as guys have tried to do with me. Just saying
14-12-11, 07:05 AM
pisces25

I love the extra challenges r/ships have to deal with these days with FB and all that crap. What a head****.

Think of it this way OP. If FB didn't exist you wouldn't even be writing this post. Are you be paranoid about anything else your boyfriend does? Or have any other trust issues with him? If not, let it go.
14-12-11, 10:40 PM
John Littlejohn

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mathias [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Way over the top. Anyone (male or female) would be put off being in that situation. It's definitely reasonable to have concerns.

Not everyone would be put off by knowing that their partner is human and finds other people hot and attractive. It is not reasonable to have concerns over knowing that one's partner has a normal and healthy attraction to the opposite sex.

Quote:

just chalk it up to an immature guy not knowing how to express himself.

By "not knowing how to express himself," I assume you can only mean "expressing himself too well and too openly. He should just shut up when he thinks his friends are looking fine."