I was skeptical...but it's working!

Alright guys/gals. I'm sure some of you know my situation, but if not, go to my previous post(s) especially this one and you can update yourself. [url]http://www.loveforum.net/t5959-question-about-no-contact.html[/url]

I have gone a month without no contact and I'm back on here just to give you all an idea of where I'm at. First off, I have to say that I was skeptical about no contact, because I truly thought that if I didn't talk to my ex, it would just continue to lower the chances of getting back together with her. I did it thinking that maybe she would eventually start to miss me so much that she would have to call me. What I didn't realize is that it is helping me SO much to get on with my life. Fact is, No Contact really does work. It started off with me telling her we couldn't be friends, because I couldn't handle it. Then she contacted me and asked me to go to a gala with her. I didn't go. Then I was a gentleman and wrote her a nice Valentine email. She replied back, but asking me to fix her computer. That same day (at least I thought I was being civil), she accused me of not helping her and not being civil, simply because I couldn't help her at that moment quoting 'I thought that after 3 years, we could at least be civil and help each other out'. Although I did what I could. Recently, I wrote a few letters to her, but didn't end up sending them to her. If you want, I can post them up too.

How I would like people to respond is that I am feeling weird feelings about all this. I don't know if it's normal, but I seem to be changing a lot of who I am. Every so often, I get these times. Few short minutes where I just wish we could work things out, then most of the time, I feel like this was actually for the best and I'm better off how things are. If anyone can relate, I'd like to hear their story too. I know I still miss her and 3 years is a long time. I guess I just want to get an idea of what I'm feeling. Any suggestions or relations would be appreciated.

Cdoc

I just wish I was where you are at... I wish I could feel like my b/f wasn't the best and most suitable person for me, that he and I were made for each other with our little eccentricities etc. I think what we all have to realise - and this is what I am really trying to tell myself - is that we aren't tragic hero/heroines - these people left us, and there is no starcrossed lover syndrome about it. They just didn't feel enough for us at that time. I keep convincing myself that he has problems/ issues, but the bald reality is, he doesn't love me enough, and there is nothing so mystical about that.

So in summary, hearing your strength is a lesson to us all. You have been such a support to me, and I so admire the fact that you are helping others on this forum despite the fact that you are going through such a tough time yourself. Don't feel bad that you are feeling more detached, and don't be like me and use it as an excuse to test the water again - you are just letting yourself in for so much more pain! Let me be a lesson of what not to do!

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Originally Posted by Tonia2

don't use it as an excuse to test the water again - you are just letting yourself in for so much more pain! do!

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Well said, Tonia.

Dude,

I have been thru everything you just mentioned. It does get better, and im assuming that you realized that "no contact" isnt necassarily about getting your ex back. No contact helps you realize that you can, and will ok. Without it, the pain and heartache would linger with false hopes.

I think that people sometimes forget that their exes broke up with them. Its hard to accept, and it doesnt matter if it was your fault or not. The fact is that they made a conscience decision, and breaking up is the effect. I know in my experience, I would think of all the reasons why things ended, new friends, partying scene, distance, insecurities etc. Trust me i have been thru all of it. The last thing in my mind was actually accepting the fact that it was over, and made all sorts of excuses in as which it ended.

You can't get away from the facts. Initially, i would think to myself, "if i could just go back things would be different." The fact is, that things probably wouldnt!! I wouldnt take back the time with my ex. It was a great learning experience, and i had some amazing times, but its over. Once you accpet that, then life moves on. No contact forces you to accept reality. Boy, im rambling.

Its friday, and i need a drink!!!! lol

Thanks for your replies. Tonia, thank you very much for your comments. I am glad to be of help. In a way, we all try to cope through this with as little pain or hurt as possible, and this way has worked for me. We are all individuals and we need to find it in ourselves to continue to be strong. Don't be so hard on yourself though. Telling everyone that you are a lesson of what not to do. I disagree. If each person went through all your posts and read them, you have been an inspiration as well. With the strength that you gathered, it is still admiring what you have done and you're still standing strong. I know you have the strength, because you've already shown it. What's done is done.

Keepingsecret, I'm glad to see that you can relate. And I'm glad to hear it gets better. At first I did think that no contact would make her see that "you never know what you have until you lost it", but that's not how it has worked for me. At least not yet.

In any case, thanks so much for the replies to you guys. Tonia, keep smiling and stay strong. keepingsecret. I'm not just having ONE drink, I'm having a party tonight. Go figure!! lol

Thanks

you know it........ i've been sick for awhile now, but today i feel great...... bring on the boose and hoes!!!!!hahahah j/k

sorta.....lol

Well im glad that both of you are doing good (inkeeping and c1d60C) i tried helping with my advice on no contact and youve both stuck with it, and youve hit on the right point: no contact works because it means you have no choice but to get on with things, instead of lingering about wondering what if and hanging on to you ex: it shows you that you can and will be ok. So well done to you both and im so so so glad to see your both doing a lot better, stay strong :)

Tonia, i really do feel for you, but your time will come, it just takes some people a lot longer to realise their ex isnt the one for them, and you writing this stuff down in your post is actually a good sign because it shows you are starting to let go of him, rather than wait around for him to sort out his problems. He may have problems and if and when he sorts them out he can come and talk to you...but who knows where ul be, probabaly with a better guy who u deserve! :) Stay strong
much love to all xxx schuey's girl xxx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tonia2

I think what we all have to realise - and this is what I am really trying to tell myself - is that we aren't tragic hero/heroines - these people left us, and there is no starcrossed lover syndrome about it. They just didn't feel enough for us at that time. I keep convincing myself that he has problems/ issues, but the bald reality is, he doesn't love me enough, and there is nothing so mystical about that.

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Tonia, I feel for you exactly. However, it's not that we aren't tragic heros/heroines, it's that we don't have to be. I've actually used that exact term to describe what I was feeling like.

Because we are tragic, Tonia. And the way I see it, I would be more happy with another tragic person who felt as deeply as I do about things than with a person who just wants to have fun all the time, craves attention, and is basically shallow and insensitive. No matter how cute and innocent they are.

I urge you to read this article. And then if you feel a sudden rush of insight, take the test for yourself. It's pretty revealing. And allow to make a little prediction:

"I see a little blue in your future..."

Mystical? Tonia, believe me, you have helped your ex-boyfriend in ways he is only beginning to understand. We are the tragic heros, babe, but be tough. I have a feeling we'll be okay.

Love ya.

[url]http://www.agonline.com/eric/color/yellow.asp[/url]

Sorry, forgot the site.

Peace.

thanks mate.. i will be there in a week or so. And its good to know someone is with you and what you are doing is THE RIGHT THING.
Well I have had sudden emotional bursts about how I want it all back or how I hate her behaviour, but then most of the time its nice to be single, out of all those tensions of doing things "right" and all. As you said the biggest incentive is we are getting to live OUR OWN LIFE ONCE AGAIN. And thats something even you must have enjoyed too.. well good luck and hope we all stay strong:)

Who are you talking to and what about, confusedsoul?

Now I am the one who is confused! Aahahahaha!

Erm. yeah...

well my rambling thoughts were meant for C1d6OC :).. And I was talking about myself being in similar position :(
Anyway sorry to get you confused friend

Sorry I'm back now guys. Thanks for all the replies. It's nice to know that many people believe I'm doing the right thing, but I guess in some ways it also depends on your particular situation.

Here's a little update. On Friday, I was preparing for my party, when my sister is talking with her on MSN and wouldn't you know it, she asks how I'm doing. That's right, she asks my sister how I'm doing. My sister is great, in fact my whole family have been so supportive and have not said a single word that would give my position away. In any case, I kind of took it to heart, because apparently my ex is afraid that if she "calls" me I wouldn't like it and she thinks I'm avoiding her. I find this real strange since SHE broke up with ME. In any case, nothing was said except the fact that apparently if I sign on MSN, she is going to message me. Whether or not, I message back will be up to me. I feel that I have built enough strength to handle things now. In fact, I'm almost certain that getting back together will not be a good choice right now. I guess it doesn't help matters much when I'm starting to feel attracted to a lady friend of mine. However, she just got out of her relationship too. But, turns out, this lady friend had a crush on me when I was with my ex at the time. NO, I"M NOT IN REBOUND. I don't intend on dating her, but it would be nice just to have a bit of fun. Anyways, that's my update. Again, thanks for your replies. And Tonia, as Bohemian says, we all feel for you. You know it.

Thanks

Thanks guys - so much support - so appreciated on a sh*t monday afternoon...

You are doing so well, and I admire you. It is so tempting to go back for a little comfort, as I have found out recently sadly, but I think we all know that the comfort is very transient. I like the way you vocalise how you are feeling - it helps us all. Go and have some fun and let us know how it goes. Off to read that article now... thanks bohemianandout.

Most definitely blue - with a bit of white... very perceptive! Strangely this only rings true for my romantic relationships though - all my friends would tell you that I am very assertive, controversial and eccentric. My ex b/fs would tell you that I am self-critical, accommodating, loving and loyal. Strange, isn't it.