Deciding between two girls. Very confused
I'm 19 years old, it's my first year in college and I've been together with my girlfriend for the past 9 months. When I started school, our relationship became a long-distance one, but we'd see each other every two to three weeks either at home or at my place in the city I study, but more frequently the latter.
Before the winter break, I met this gorgeous girl in college, with whom I went out once with no other intentions than to just get to know each other and maybe become friends because she had expressed her interest in me. It turned out we had a lot of things in common such as style, way of thought, certain aspects of our past and also great chemistry. Now we find ourselves speaking daily and having frequent thoughts of one another and I'm in a position where I have to choose between ending my current relationship and telling this new girl I just can't do it and consequently remain friends.
My girlfriend is 18, I we share a lot of happy memories and up until this point I thought we were in love (or something very close to it). She's pretty tall and curvy, we've barely every disagreed on anything and I've been under the impression there would be no way I could meet someone else I'd be attracted to enough to even consider leaving her. My parents didn't really like her because they thought she was a distraction before my finals and my dad proved to be the worst saying he couldn't really see anything special about her (moreover disagreeing on her weight) that would justify me spending so much time with her. I didn't really care about his rude remark at the time. I'm fairly sure her genetics has a lot to do with it and deep down I know that as she got older, without intense efforts, her situation would only get worse and she'd be considered fat. Still, she's cute and smart, I really like the way she makes me feel and we always have a lot of fun together, so such thoughts have proved to be easy to bush off.
The girl I met is 19, tall, slim, beautiful, intelligent, mature for her age, seems like girlfriend material and she's very attracted to me. She's been disappointed in the past and sees me as someone special. In just a few days she managed to take down any certainty I had of my feelings for my girlfriend without barely even hinting in her direction. After asking advice from two people, I thought I'd reached a conclusion and texted her I was sure I belonged to her, but I'd need time, patience and some help from her to reach some form of emotional stability once more.
The problem is I'm having doubts once again and I feel I'm at a crossroads. On one hand, I'd have more time to catch up on my studies if I were to break up with her and be able to spend much more time with the new girl in the near future. On the other hand, my girlfriend plans to attend college in the same city as I do and so I'd have to survive 6 more difficult months (since her finals are also approaching) before being able to see each other often once again. A part of me is superficial and more physically attracted to the second girl and another tries to be deeper, more mature and aware of the risk I'm taking and the pain I'll be causing to my girlfriend. I know I've already made a decision from the point I even agreed to go out with her, but the thought I can still go back to how things were and maybe continue to be happy is killing me.
I feel ashamed of myself for wanting to follow those beautiful long legs and hurting the person who has already proven she really cares about me, but I tell myself I'm only 19, we haven't been together for very long, we're not married and I don't have a child to keep me from leaving. The fact that I slept with her yesterday only made the feeling worse for me.. I feel like such a bad person, like I'm about to crush a baby bunny rabbit. :(
