Ex-Boyfriend Being a Complete Jerk

Well, I'd love to use a worse word than that, but I try not to swear unless necessary. :)

Anyway. I broke up with him about a week ago for the second time. Actually. I'll start from the beginning.

I wasn't happy with the relationship I was in with him we'd been together for a year, because he was now taking me for granted and treating me like crap. I started cutting (self-harming) during our relationship, and haven't stopped since. He never found out that I was doing it. And I never blamed it on him to myself. I'd always say to myself it was work, or other pressures. But I finally got up the courage to dump him two weeks ago. But during the first week of being apart, he suddenly started acting really nicely to me again, and really friendly. And then, the following Saturday asked me back out again.

I, foolishly hoping that he'd changed, said yes. And so, I started going out with him. That night he hardly talked to me at all, and essentially I realised that this wasn't going to work, and dumped him again on the Monday.

Up until this point, he'd seemed like a nice guy. He was really sweet, and I was sorry I had to let him go. It just seemed that maybe he wasn't ready, or that school was just getting too much, and either me or his education had to go since I wasn't getting the attention I needed, and I wouldn't ever ask anybody to give up their education, because it is important, and would probably last longer than any relationship with a guy would.

Anyway. Another guy, I'll call him "Mitch" for sake of anonymity, found out I was cutting two weeks before I broke up with my ex for the first time. He's been helping me to stop cutting, and we've grown really close, and now we both fancy each other. Its been a week and since I dumped my ex, and now I really feel ready to move on. And I trust this guy so much, and I'm sure it isn't a rebound.

But now, my ex is convinced that I dumped him for Mitch. Eventually I ended up showing him the scars from my cuts, and telling him that I could no longer go out, because I wasn't able to talk to him, and I needed to be with someone I could talk to. However, I refrained from telling him that he was what caused me to cut, because I thought it would be unfair to let him know that considering we weren't going out anymore and he would feel really guilty, and I thought he was a nice guy. But anyway, I showed him, hoping that he would realise that Mitch was a new thing, and not really related to him.

However today when I was in a class with him, I confronted the ex about the fact that he told one of his mates (John - my best-friends boyfriend) about my cutting habit. I politely asked him if he could refrain from telling anyone else about my problem.

Thats when he turned nasty.

He said he'd tell whoever the hell he felt like because he wouldn't lie for me. And I was confused, thinking that he thought I was talking about me and Mitch, so I said no, I'm referring to this problem and pointed to my wrist. He then continued to say "yeah, I know. I don't see why I should have to keep anything a secret for you. How comes John knew you were going to dump me the second time whilst he was in Spain?"

At which point I got really confused. Because that has nothing to do with it. And it was probably my best friend warning her boyfriend to be careful when he got back. But anyway. He threatened to tell anyone he felt like.

Now I'm really scared that half the school is going to find out. But I got the impression that he's only threatening to tell people if I continue to hang around with this Mitch guy. So I'm really confused over what to do. If it hadn't been for Mitch, I probably would be in casualty by now, or of bled to death. And he really cares for me as much as I do for him. And I want to be with him, but I also don't want to antagonise my ex into doing anything I know I'll regret.

Any ideas or suggestions? :sad:

hey everyone, im 'mitch',
i would much appreciate some help on the matter aswell, cos, its just kinda getting out of hand. please post some advice, we could really do with it.
thanx alot in advance

here's the thing. You cut yourself, because you are very low in your self-esteem. I give full credit for this "mitch" guy for being there for you and he seems like he's caring enough. Your confusion is normal. Anyone would be after a breakup. Your first step though is to get yourself back together. What I mean is before you decide to get into this seriously, make sure that you don't ever get into a situation where you would cut yourself again. I would normally say that you need help, because that's not healthy. Don't ever feel like you should have to take your life, because of someone else. You are better than that.

Anyways, your ex is your ex for a reason. If he goes around threatening to tell people about this then he's LOW. He has to find himself a new way to get a life than to purposely try to hurt you. That being said, who cares what others think? So you lose a bit of reputation. It's times like these where you truly get to figure out who your real friends are. Those that stick with you regardless of what he says will be there for you. I'm unsure how old you are. Whether you're in highschool or not, but remember that you will graduate and I'm sure if this guy goes around telling people this, they'll probably think he is a complete "jerk" as you mentioned and he may be better off now, but if you keep your cool and not show him you're upset, you will be better off in the long run. Ultimately what we do now affects our life in the future.

I think your best bet is to continue to see this "mitch" guy if you really like him. Your ex has got to grow up. I have a feeling everyone will agree with me if I say that you'd be the better person if you didn't retaliate to this. Just play it off like it doesn't bother you. If he DOESN'T get a reaction from you, then he'll stop. It's the way the game is played. This is what I have to offer for now. Good luck.

Cdoc

Thankyou so much. :D

Mitch has been helping me overcome my problem, so I'm hoping to be completely cut free soon.

Thanks again! ^_^

Ex-bf's being jerks jsut comes natural to us guys. Just tell him to F8ck off and go bang his best friend

Oh God, this girl needs to open her eyes!

Pinky, you're the one engaging in selfish, destructive behavior, not Mitch. I'm willing to bet you are somewhat blind to the reality of the situation, or at least to what a neutral observer's objective opinion of it would be.

YOU need to grow up. You're deluding yourself if you think it's "Mitch" that has the problem. He was supporting you, you've said it yourself. He is not the cause of your cutting. I think you should look a little further into yourself to explain that. God, that is the most irresponsible thing I have heard in a loooooong time! As if someone else is to blame for your own problems. And don't act like you're not blaming him, you wrote this:

"And I never blamed it on him to myself. I'd always say to myself it was work, or other pressures. But I finally got up the courage to dump him two weeks ago."

Ridiculous. And now you act like he owes you something. He doesn't have to cover up your problems for you. You broke up with him. He has no obligations.

If you finally wake up, tell this guy you're sorry for how much you mistreated him and took him for granted, as that is what seems to have happened here. If you can't, and instead wish to hold on to your false pride and selfish ignorance, be my guest, but do this kid a favor and stay out of his life.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but these are things your boyfriend wishes he could tell you but he can't, because you would just argue and turn it back around on him. And you know that's true, I bet it's strange to think that maybe you are to blame here? Hmm?

Well you are. Stop being so self-centered and open your eyes to the selfless love this guy has poured into you, only to get back insensitivity and antagonism. You may just finally grow into a deep, caring person.

Take responsibility for yourself. You have control. Keep working on Love.

Peace.

hey bohemian. I suggest you read the post again. Mitch is the new guy who is helping her. Her ex is someone different.

Cdoc

Uhm. I think you read my post wrong. :S

But one thing I did pick up from that, is that yeah, it *is* my problem. I never thought it was anybody elses. However, he was the cause of making me so depressed that I wanted to do that. I've always been bad at communication and I've always had a hard time hurting other people so I kept putting off dumping him until another date, either thinking, look hes so sad, he doesn't need anymore sadness, or look hes so happy that I don't want to spoil that.

But since dumping that boyfriend (two weeks ago), this new OTHER guy, Mitch, has been helping me over come my self-harm tendancies. And I agree it is my problem that I need to deal with, and have never thought different. But now my ex is threatening to tell people, and its making me more depressed because he's also trying to turn my other friends against me since I don't want to tell too many people about this, considering the amount of pressure already on us at school at the moment. I don't think he actually will anymore, he seems to have found it to his advantage not to tell anyone now, since he can weave what happened into a tale about how I was at fault and I was just dumping him for Mitch which is complete bullshit.

What have I learned? Don't give advice when you're stoned. And angry.

Sorry, hehe.

But still, a lot of what I said still stands, hopefully you do realize that the cutting thing is your problem, it's not a healthy to deal with stress no matter what's causing that stress.

As for your real problem (woops), i think you should just ignore the ex. Try not to worry about what he might do. Most likely he will realize that it's kind of pathetic to try to embarass you, and even if he doesn't, everyone else. Just focus on your own integrity.

Again, sorry for misreading. Hope I helped a little.

Thankyou! :D ^_^