My fiance keeps attacking me and claiming I'm cheating on her.
So, unfortunately this is going to be a long post. I'm sorry about that.
I've been with this woman for about a year and a half, and we have plans to get married... no set date yet, because I kind of want to wait until we can afford to do it.
Over the course of our relationship she has, on multiple occasions, accused me of cheating on her. She never really has valid evidence for this. One time she found a towel under our bed, and claimed that it was suspicious. We live in an apartment building and we have shared laundy units in the basement. One of our neighbors underwear got mixed up with our stuff, and this set her off. I called my brother one day after leaving the grocery store and parked in front of our building and finished my conversation with him before I got out of the car, and this was looked at as suspicious.
So the other day she really came at me. I have debt collectors and scammers saved on my phone so I know not to answer those calls. I guess I called one by accident, my fiance went looking through my phone and saw one of them, and this set her off. She had her friend look up one of the numbers, who found a name and gave it to my fiance. She woke me up in the morning and attacked me and claimed I was cheating on her. This turned into a day long arguement because when she does this she won't tell me what she did to get the information she has, and I always have to pry everything out of her while she just keeps attacking me.
I finally got her to tell me what she thought I was cheating on her, and without hesitation I started calling all the numbers on my phone she was suspicious. Of course, none of them are for people, just buisnesses and the like. She then claimed that I was doing something to my phone to make the numbers I was calling not work right or something? We were sitting in the car through out this conversation and I kept telling her we can look the numbers on google like I had done in the first place to confirm the numbers were debt companies and scammers. She wanted to stay in the car and drink anti-freeze, but I'm not going to get into that.
Anyway, I did everything I could possible think to do to show her that these were not numbers of women I was calling and she pretty much still didn't believe me. I asked her several times if she believed me or not, and she just really wouldn't give me an answer. Then she just kept bringing up all these things that happened in the past and kept saying I don't really love her and stuff like that.
As an example, she's claiming I'm trying to hide my relationship from her on Facebook, which I am not. In my past relationships I was severly abused because of FB, so I am often times reluctant to use it. My fiance states that it looks like I was trying to hide her from people, and she had found pictures of another ex on there that I was tagged in, which made my fiance very upset and she is accusing me of missing her and that I don't find her (My fiance) attractive, stuff like that. She also says I don't compliment her enough, which I hadn't known I wasn't doing this enough. Which I understand and I'm trying to apolgize for. I didn't want to give her that impression, and I'm willing to do what I need to do to correct the situation.
But one of the problems is that my last ex was accusing me of cheating on her almost daily. She had a mental illness and the entire relationship was a nightmare. I went through therapy and what not and really progressed. I still deal with emotional stress from it, but I've been getting progessively better. But when my fiance does this to me, it's like it's drudging up that old pain. And I feel like she's not really validating my emtional stress and just acts like I'm this malicious person who is intentionally trying to hurt her feelings, or like I think she's really ugly and I'm embarressed of her, none of which is true. She's just projecting her insecurities onto me.
And after all I went through to show her I'm not cheating on her, she wouldn't even tell me that she believed me that I'm not cheating on her. She just wouldn't give me an answer and said she never said she doesn't believe me... but every one of her actions and everything she has said doesn't not make her sound like she does. On top of the fact that she just flat out refuses to say that she believes me.
This is really hurting me. I've told her this is really hurting me. I've apologized for this mistakes I've made and I'm going to try and correct them. But she tells me she doesn't want me to, because it's just going to make her mad and feel like she's forcing me to do things. She's said this about other things before, like when I got her her wedding ring, which I got for her because I wanted to! She's putting me in these no-win situations, which is stressful and painful, and not to mention it's very reminiscent of the way my ex used to treat me. But I love my fiance very much, and she is not like this all the time. Maybe like 5% of the time. But I don't take being treated like this lightly anymore. None of the times she's done this have been this bad. And I've incredibly depressed now, and I don't know what to do.
Does anyone have any advice that would help me?
