Is it normal to feel like this sometimes in a relationship?
I love my boyfriend. We've been together for 20 months now. Just sometimes I get frustrated or feel sad and I wonder if it's normal. Things that bum me out are if I say something and my boyfriend will be blunt and it'll seem rude (what he says sometimes) even though I doubt that was his intent. But maybe I can be over sensitive sometimes. I don't know but here's my explanation.
In general, he can be sweet, just some things he says to me are things that make me think no boyfriend should say to their girlfriend. They're not abusive, just stupid like he doesn't think when he says them. Like for example, I was sick once and for days I couldn't see him. I was finally better and wanted to see him. I said I couldn't wait to see him and how I wanted. That day I told him I was finally better and could go out, he told me he was busy and also he was worried if I was still contagious too. Later he went out anyway with another friend and he KNEW all I wanted was just to see him. When I got a little upset he then, as an afterthought, asked if I wanted to come along or if he should just come over instead. Which I said "no" because I felt like an afterthought and not a priority. The another time I wanted to make a trial trip to my new school (college, down town) it involves riding a trolley and 2 buses. The first trial run I didn't want to be alone in case I got lost. I said I had no one to go with and my boyfriend didn't offer to go with me, in fact he made up an excuse that he didn't have a car to use to get to my house (when we could have walked to meet up to leave for this) and also I knew he made it up because another day at his house I explained to his parents what happened and how I had to find someone else to go with and his father said "you bailed on her? I'd never let your mother go alone like that". Then recently he sweetly said we should go out on a date and that I could pick any place I wanted. But then he said "as long as it's not too expensive. I don't want to pay too much". And I am a vegetarian, anything I'd order would not cost a fortune and I never pick anything ridiculous or that costs a lot anyway so it didn't make sense he'd say that. We'd gone out to eat many times before that point too and he never had said that. Also he told me he didn't think his prom would be exciting if it was just me and him that went. And this week I go back to college, I commute but my schedule will be different and it'll make it harder to see him sometimes. I told him tomorrow I am off and how we could hang out before I have to go back and before it becomes harder to see him if he wanted to see me and he just didn't seem like he truly wanted to. He said he had to work on a project and if he could hang out tomorrow (like if he got the project done) then we would hang out, it's due next week. Later tonight I asked how his project was going and he said he didn't feel like doing it today and how he will work on it tomorrow instead. The project thing is understandable, you need to work then you need to get it done. But he had all of today and this weekend to work on it (he was off) and any other day this week to work on it too. So he purposely set it aside for tomorrow and said we could see each other later in the week then. He's also told me many times when I've told him how him openly checking out other women or in general how that makes me feel and with out considering my feelings regarding the incidences has called me insecure many times and said "I'll always love to check out other women".
Also, I am not saying this to sound mean, I'm literally smarter than him. Intellectually it can be frustrating sometimes to have a conversation with him because he can be stubborn and so set on one idea that isn't even valid. I'll try to explain and he will be so stern on telling me how he knows he's correct. For example, he believes hiccups are contagious despite my many tries to convince him otherwise.
He is also rather immature in some aspects of how he thinks. He would rather "fight" someone or punch them in the face when they are giving him a problem rather than report the person(s) in a mature manner. There's a few kids who apparently throw things on the bus, he reported them, but the kids still engage in throwing things occasionally. He said if anything hit him he'd punch the kids. I said he should just report them and he said "I already did. This time if it happens again I have to hit them, it's self defense"... He's already been suspended 2 other times for violent related things. The first was when he threw a water bottle at a kid. Another was which a girl was yelling in his face and he was sitting and she was "blocking" his way to get up. He said, and everyone else in the class attested that my boyfriend "flinched" out of being nervous and his fist "happened" to hit her in the face. Which scared me... Honestly. He's never shown any violent tendencies towards me but I don't know what to think of it all.
It's like sometimes I care so much, then other times I don't because it seems to get old and I think I can do better... I'll wonder if I should find someone more mature and smarter. I almost re-evaluate everything. My family tells me I can do better too sometimes. But I love him anyway. It's just I've been in short relationships before but never loved those people. I fell in love with my current boyfriend, he's my first love, first person I experienced everything with. I question how good of a match we are despite having a lot in common (same interests, religious beliefs, values, goals). I get confused though because he's sweet but can have moments sometimes where I just wonder if I can actually picture myself with him in the future. This isn't the first time I have thought about all of this.
Is this normal? what should I do?
