Long distance dilemma- honest advice needed please!
Hello everyone,
I really need some good objective help right now. You see, my boyfriend is going abroad next week for five months. He is then coming back for a month before going away again for more months of study. In all he will be away around a year and a few months, but back in the summer and back at christmas, I imagine. He said that it would be best for us to not be in a technical relationship when he goes so he has freedom, but that it doesn't change his feelings for me and that he will still call me all the time, want me to come and visit and wants to be with me when he gets back for certain. He has begged me to spend the last week with him. However, I feel that this is all too convenient for HIM, because when he goes, he will still be able to call me and talk to me and have me fly out to him, keeping that side of the relationship, but at the same time he will be free to do whatever he wants, which I don't believe is fair on me. He admitted he could have sexual relations with others, but that he would never love anyone else(!) because he could only let ME in in that kind of way. He argues that all this will make us stronger in the long run, even though him being with others even physically hurts me deeply. A friend I spoke to believes he is being very self-protecting. He made this decision on his own, without taking into account what I wanted or even trying to make the relationship work. I don't know how he can claim to love me so deeply and want to be with me and will still love me when he's gone and when he comes back if he is not even willing to try. I've been messed up because I don't know whether to trust his intentions or my own instinct, which is that I am being messed about a little bit. I understand that sometimes long-distance relationships don't work out, but I would have thought that if he loves me so much and cares so deeply about us, he would have at least tried. He said that he WANTS to be with me but he can't be physically for a long time. I said that it didn't matter, that I would have fought to make us work through it because I love him so much. I would never have held him back. If he had just broken the relationship off instead, I would have had more respect for what he is doing. But he says he could never erase me from his life. I said he can't pick and choose and that with me, it's all or nothing. He either takes our relationship and tries for us or we are over altogether, I'm afraid. He can't accept this, but I said that he made his choice so he must live with the consequences of that decision. He is still adamant that his decision is right. This is awful because he is my lover and my best friend. When things are okay, we are great together. It's tearing me up. We have been together a year.
I told him today that I can no longer be in a relationship with someone who has such a self-protecting attitude and would put me at second best, whatever the situation. I feel awful- both cruel and heartbroken for doing this.
Did I make the right choice?
Please help!
