Am I crazy or is he cheating?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year.
This is by far my longest relationship.
I really love him, and I think he really loves me too.
He constantly says he does, and he even talks about marriage and our future, tells me how pretty i am, that i'm his "dream girl"
buttttt from the start he's talked to a lot of girls.
a lot.
Most of them he meets online (we actually met online, which is weird for me).
It weirded me out a ton from the start that he talks to all these girls, but I didn't want to seem crazy so I mostly kept it to myself.
Before we were official, though, I did make one joke when some random girl he met online texted him.
he looked at me like I was crazy and showed me a conversation between them.
she told him she liked him....he told her "There's already this girl I like a lot, and I don't want to screw it up."
That calmed my nerves for awhile.
Then, I found out more about him and learned that he's been with quite a few girls, including girls he still talks to.
One in particular liked every single one of his posts of facebook, when I asked him about her and if they ever dated he said "hell no"
then he drunkingly told me they had sex one night when he was super drunk.
i got mad...said he should have told me that when I asked if they dated.
he agreed, but doesn't think it was that wrong to not tell me when I asked that.
he then said they rarely talk anymore.
then he logged onto facebook and the first thing that popped up was a chat window of a conversation between him and that girl.
again...i flipped.
I held in my crazy, again even though i constantly saw all these girls liking his posts of facebook....girls he said were "friends" but i have never met before and he never even mentioned before.
finally i asked him who one girl was that would not stop commenting on all his junk in an awkward flirty way (can't say he flirted back that i saw, but still)
then he acted like he had no clue who i was talking about.
the next day he got a text...i looked over saw it was the girl he "forgot" and I of course snapped
he sad he rarely talks to her so he didn't remember her at first.
turns out he met her online and gave her his number AFTER me and him were official.
i think that crossed a line, and told him so.
he agreed...said it wasn't anything weird...they were just friends.... she lives like 3 hours away....but promised he'd stop talking to her.
he still swears he hasn't talked to her in awhile yet she still is liking his junk on facebook and trying to text him.(not nearly as much, though)
seems odd to me.
its almost like every couple weeks a girl pops up out of nowhere FLOODS his facebook with junk...he swears it's a friend that hes somehow never mentioned before...then she goes away.
this weekend though we had our biggest fight.
of course over all of this.
i'd been feeling really low lately..not sure why...so i just kind of snapped.
hes the type that says nothing...doesn't want to deal with it...i'm the type that FREAKS and says really mean things.
finally i calmed down and tried making it up to him
he said he'd stop talking to girls as much.
then i get on facebook tonight and the first thing i see is that he liked some random girls picture that was edited to say "one hot momma"
i think thats weird.
especially after what happened.
instead of calmly asking him about it...i just snap.
he tells me i'm being crazy...she's just a friend...not a big deal.
now that I think about it maybe I am being crazy.
i've always thought all of my boyfriends were cheating on me.(i have been cheated on before)
I just never really freaked out about it cause I've never cared about someone this much.
so part of me thinks maybe that means i'm just paranoid.
its not like i ever feel like i don't know where he is or who he's with.
and i do think he is kind of insecure and doesn't wanna admit it so maybe he just likes the attention, but would never act on it.
(i've said that to him before and all he said was 'idk...maybe')
plus, he has told me things that he knew would piss me off (like he had popped some pills the night before) cause he didn't wanna hide it from me.
so maybe he is honest.
or maybe he is up to something.
idk.
i just need some really honest opinions.
i want to make this work.
i feel like i'm acting nuts!

Hmm touchy. He's definitely pushing it a lot and either a bit attention-starved or an actual "player". Some people just really enjoy flirting and the attention that the opposite sex gives them, doesn't mean they actually act on it. However, if you have a problem with that, which is perfectly understandable, he should be respecting that. It sounds to me like Facebook is playing a bit of a large role here. And it doesn't sound too healthy. To be honest, he shouldn't have a problem deleting all those girls, blocking them, or even stopping Facebook entirely. You're the priority here, not his Facebook-fans.

On the other hand, you may be a bit overly sensitive due to your past experiences. Liking some random picture doesn't really count as flirting to my mind, for example. I think you should try to find some common ground. Tell him you trust him, but that you're feeling a bit insecure and why. Try to work something out, like him blocking the mentioned girls. In the end, you need to find a way to trust him and for him to not hurt you unnecessarily with careless behaviour.

I'm an optimist, and I always believe in the good in people above all. Don't see how you can go through life otherwise. So I don't think he's actually flirting, or a player. It's a habit of his, and he likes the attention, but he's not cheating on you. He should learn to respect your feelings a bit more and be more careful.

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Originally Posted by gwen123789 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Am I crazy or is he cheating?

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After reading your post...

Both.

You say you just want this to work. Well, it's not going to or, it will but you'll be always angst ridden and wondering who he's giving his latest attention to. How many times do you think you'll hear him say things like: "Okay, I'll try not to talk to her as much" or; "okay, maybe you're right and I shouldn't talk to her" or: "Chill, she's just a friend" or; I forgot I fkd her cause I was drunk" while he still talks to them and keeps them on a shelf in case you get tired of him and he'll have immediate options to turn to?

He doesn't respect you and he is no where near being grown up enough to be happy with just the attention you give him. Deal with it or don't. You'll never change him because you enable him to do it by simply yelling at him and he's likely learned to just tune you out while he tells you what he thinks you want to hear (examples of what you want to hear are in quotation marks above)

The bottom line here is you are trying to control him, he's not letting you and it's driving you crazy.

Wow this sounds like my same scenario i had with my girlfriend she is 17 and im 23 and she was the same way on facebook. She would just start talking to random guys on facebook and always be texting guys who are friends of hers. One time she was messaging a 28 yo guy who randomly added her on facebook. I felt exactly how you do. I was always thinking she was flirting with these guys and telling them they're cute and guys would always contact her asking her to hang out. She would tell them she couldnt hang out because she had a boyfriend she loved very much. But she would still always be talking to guys in a flirty way. And she would also still talk to ex's and guys she had previous relations with. I talked to her abour several times and tried explaining to her that as a guy they're only after on thing, sex! And i told her it made me uncomfortable and I didnt like her talking to so many guys or the fact that most of her friends are guys. Finally i told her that she needs to completely stop talking to anyone who is an ex and delete them from facebook and she actually did. How ever because i always suspectedd her of cheating (i too have been cheated on in the past) i would always get suspicious and jealous and we would always argue about it. Well we just broke up about 2 days ago because she got tired of all the arguing due to this reason and i get fed up with always worrying if she was out cheating on me or not. Even after we broke up i asked her one last time if there was anything she was hiding from me and that now is the time to fess up and she still says there is absolutely nothing she is hiding from me and she never cheated on me at all.

To be honest with you i dont think it's going to work out. You're never going to get over the jealousy, i thought i could try but couldnt. And if he isnt satisfied with just talking to you and showing you attention and the attention you give hime then i dont think its worth it.