Broke up with gf

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18-03-12, 03:51 PM
evans

Broke up with gf

I'm 23 and she's 18. We're been dating for about 5months-almost 6 months-since towards the end of September last year. Currently, I'm in the conscripted army and due to personal commitments, sees her for around 2-3 times a week. I usually see her on the weekends and once on the weekday's evening. When we got together, I told her I was under depression and on medication for it and if I chose to break up with her, it would be because I could not, in all fairness, commit to the relationship due to my condition. I sank into depression due to a previous informal relationship which ended on me being cheated. I also told her I would be heading overseas for my studies in 2013. She was fine by it. She lives about 15mins bus ride away from me.

Everything went fine and I begun feeling much happier and relied less on my drugs -or so I thought-until a few weeks ago when she begun tearing when I sent her home. We have never argued once.
I knew something was a missed but she wouldn't admit to anything until we communicated via text. She said she felt insecure, afraid, and confused as regards my overseas studies and my lack of time spent with her. Further, she told me she's no longer happy being in a relationship with me. A few days later, I met her up and broke up with her. She cried a lot and as I walked her back to her place, she gave me a hug and told me she wants sometime to think over the entire situation and that we should not break up at this point. I agreed to it.
After a few days, we met, and we agreed to build on this relationship to our best even when I'm overseas. I assured her that I did not expect her to hang on if she couldn't handle the pressure of my presence overseas but we should at least make the best effort to maintain the relationship. Even after agreeing to be together, she looked really worried and depressed the entire day.

I told her it would be the best if she thought about it again and she agreed. The day after, we met and petted and in the midst of it we agreed to work on the relationship.

A few days ago, after she came back from an overseas holiday with her family, I noticed she behaved slightly less expressive towards me, was less warmer and no longer made the time to meet me as she would have. Over the phone, I posed my suspicions if she regretted being in the relationship with me and if she had any feelings for me. She was silent and begun breaking down. We hung out and text. She told me she felt like she could no longer open her heart to me, and subsequently, she told me she no longer had any feelings for me.I anticipated this to come, with all consideration of her needs and wants at her age. It, however, hurt and saddened me tremendously. We broke up on Wednesday night. Someone whom said she would stood by me and never leave me to someone who said she no longer had any feelings for me and its in my best interest to be with someone better.

On Friday night, I met her to express my thoughts and officially end the relationship. As I was walking her her back to her place, she stopped, looked at me and shook her head from left to right, and didn't want to proceed. I didn't know what she wanted. But she gave me a hug before I sent her home.

I talked to her over the phone for over two hours last night and she persistently and very surely said she no longer have any feelings for me and she doesn't have to think about it anymore. Her tone very so cold and rock-solid.
Finally, I said we'll go no contact for 2 months to sort out our thoughts, contacting only on the last day of May and she agree. I hurt her so much by not spending Christmas with her, not spending new year's eve and new year with her and as well as Valentine's day with her.

We agree to meet next week for me to pass her some stuffs-photos of us and letters-before going on no contact. Is this relationship a lost cause? I don't want to let it go just like that. At the same time, I am unable to discern if what she's saying now is due to her overwhelming hurt and disappointment.
19-03-12, 01:42 AM
gardenofjade

Get a grip on your confidence.
19-03-12, 01:53 AM
smackie9

Breakups are never easy but are necessary. She's only 18 and this isn't a time in her life to be in a serious relationship, especially when it becomes long distance. You are an adult and should be able to see this isn't going to work. It's time to let go.
19-03-12, 06:57 AM
evans

I understand the difficulty of a long distance relationship but we did agreed to work on it from the start. The crux of the matter here is not paying sufficient attention to the details that signifies her needs. Failing to spend Valentine's day with her and doing nothing yet-not even a card, letter or gift, whereas she have me a letter and cried and study on that day itself. While I encouraged open communication and gave her all the freedom, maybe I ought to adjust my manner of concern in ways she acknowledge.

I want to bridge things back and win her heart. Where do I go from here?
19-03-12, 07:02 AM
gardenofjade

Tell her that men suck at Valentines and it's a holiday invented for romantics. Maybe ask her how to teach you how to be romantic and how to make it up to her.
There is a book called The Rules, it says if he misses her birthday and Valentines that they should dump the guy. That's so silly. Maybe you can show her other ways that you are romantic or maybe this is a signal that she's high maintenance.
19-03-12, 07:45 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by evans [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I understand the difficulty of a long distance relationship but we did agreed to work on it from the start. The crux of the matter here is not paying sufficient attention to the details that signifies her needs. Failing to spend Valentine's day with her and doing nothing yet-not even a card, letter or gift, whereas she have me a letter and cried and study on that day itself. While I encouraged open communication and gave her all the freedom, maybe I ought to adjust my manner of concern in ways she acknowledge.

I want to bridge things back and win her heart. Where do I go from here?

The ball is in her court. There is nothing you can do really. She knows you what you want, so all the open conversation isn't gonna save you. She needs her space to think things over......just give it time. Like I said she is 18 and what you want and what she wants are possibly two different things. Sorry but I'm on her side.
19-03-12, 03:16 PM
evans

Quote:

Originally Posted by gardenofjade [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Tell her that men suck at Valentines and it's a holiday invented for romantics. Maybe ask her how to teach you how to be romantic and how to make it up to her.
There is a book called The Rules, it says if he misses her birthday and Valentines that they should dump the guy. That's so silly. Maybe you can show her other ways that you are romantic or maybe this is a signal that she's high maintenance.

My day starts at 6am every weekday and thereafter leaving camp at 6pm, I moonlight as a tutor for a few hours until 10pm. Thereafter, I head to her place just to spend about 2 hours with her to get in touch with her emotional needs. That's essentially being awake for 15 hours straight. Not a lot of guys are willing to meet their girl just for 2 hours after having been awake for 15 hours, and thence, having to wake up at 6am the next weekday.

I was insensitive to not have spent Valentine's day with her but that does not in anyway imply my absence of love. It's merely being translated in another way. I've explained this to her on Saturday but she seem so bent on her choice that she has no more feelings for me, neither does she want for us to mend anything anymore. But hey, I don't' suppose any relationships are perfect. There's issues one time or the other, and the the least, I do try to work on issues which arise to my purview. She's a great girl. She pay for her stuffs often during dates. I'm not drawing any salary, only a merge $400USD as allowance. So in a way she is understanding. But she isn't perfect and so am I, and this is the point I am attempting to drive home to her.

My only hope is that her willingness to meet me for me to pass her photos of us is a glimmer of hope she's giving me a chance to prove-in her way-I love her.