Should we be friends first or is it not too early to date?

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31-03-12, 03:00 AM
HorseTrails7

Should we be friends first or is it not too early to date?

So I have liked this guy at my university for a long time. We use to have World History together and worked on a paper once. But now I just see him around his friends or passing in the halls. Last May he was going to ask me out, but he chickened out. His friend kind of told me later. He had just broken up with his girlfriend. A couple weeks later after he almost asked me out I decided to ask him out. He said he would say yes but that he had gotten back with his girlfriend since then. He said they were trying again to make it work. Later on he would act happy to see me if I said hi and smile at me. There wasnt really any bad feelings but his friends would jab him and point at me if they saw me and whisper something to him, but I never really heard what they said. They always had this smile like "Look who it is". Stupid guy stuff I guess. But they still won't let it go. Kinda stupid.

So recently he broke up with his girlfriend and a month later he asked me out to see his friends band play. He seems like a whole different person now, he really seemed depressed for a long time. But when we talk he smiles the whole time and his eyes light up. I think he was unhappy for a long time and tried to make it work with her. I'm just worried about dating him because they were together for 2 years. I don't really know the details about why they broke up yet but he seems so much happier. If he had some sort of feelings for me all this time, judging by his actions and his friends...maybe he thought it was time to end it. Thats the feeling I get. The same friend that told me some info before said he personally didn't like his girlfriend, that she was "cold". But this guy doesn't know his friend told me anything. I didn't ask him by the way, he kind of came up to me and offered it. I thought it was strange but at least I know something now. So should I be afraid? I know I should take it slow, but I don't want him to think I am not interested or not that into him because I really am. Also I want to add that he is a good person, not the player type at all. From what we had talked about in History he had many values and morals. I'm just afraid of not doing this the right way. I know even if he was unhappy, he still tried to make it work. He did care for her and he has to process those emotions.
31-03-12, 03:14 AM
smackie9

Guys don't think like girls so stop trying to figure out what is going on in his head, it's best to just leave it. He already gave the ex a second chance and now he knows it's over. He is just in a adjustment period, things are just feeling a little different to him atm. Don't sweat it because this guys obviously likes you enough to keep you in mind all this time. Just be positive, fun and happy to be with him...eventually he will see that there are better things happening in his life now.
31-03-12, 05:30 AM
Cerby

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Guys don't think like girls so stop trying to figure out what is going on in his head, it's best to just leave it. He already gave the ex a second chance and now he knows it's over. He is just in a adjustment period, things are just feeling a little different to him atm. Don't sweat it because this guys obviously likes you enough to keep you in mind all this time. Just be positive, fun and happy to be with him...eventually he will see that there are better things happening in his life now.

Yep, guys have simple "on" and "off" switches, not the cryptic logic processes that only girls can think up.
31-03-12, 05:36 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yep, guys have simple "on" and "off" switches, not the cryptic logic processes that only girls can think up.

lol that pretty good!
31-03-12, 09:03 AM
HorseTrails7

I'll admit men and women have different ways of thinking and dealing with things. But every person is different also. But anyways, I know for a fact that men do not have an off switch. Some might, but I wouldn't be caught dead with someone like that. Men typically move on faster but the end of the last relationship hits them later on and it sometimes messes up their current one. I know this from personal experience, friends and articles I have read written by men. I don't think this guy has an on/off switch. He seems more aware of peoples feelings and is very careful not to hurt them. I think it took him a long time to finally say "this is not working or getting better, I'm not happy" I also get the feeling it was his first love.
31-03-12, 11:07 PM
smackie9

I see you are a person that spends a lot of time analyzing things. Life is too short to sweat over the small stuff, it's better to just go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. You are not committing to a serious relationship, it's just a date or two, so you are way way ahead of yourself. The date or dates may not even amount to anything after all. I say just go out with him and enjoy yourself.
01-04-12, 06:05 AM
HorseTrails7

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I see you are a person that spends a lot of time analyzing things. Life is too short to sweat over the small stuff, it's better to just go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. You are not committing to a serious relationship, it's just a date or two, so you are way way ahead of yourself. The date or dates may not even amount to anything after all. I say just go out with him and enjoy yourself.

I do but to a point. I'm just excited and nervous. I never thought this would happen. I think it's more like when someone finally gets what they want but goes into a little panic and says "What if I didn't know what I wanted?" I'm going to go out with him for sure, I just don't know if I should jump into it or tell him we should take things slow. I think its obvious and funny to our friends that we are crazy about each other but so shy and nervous when that person comes around. I have to admit I use to tease my friend Beth when she would become squeeky when her crush came around. It's so cute it's funny, she laughs about it now but at the time she probably hated it. But when you're in the moment it's hard not to take yourself so seriously. But I will try to relax. I'm just nervous from the anticipation.
01-04-12, 11:46 AM
Cerby

Quote:

Originally Posted by HorseTrails7 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'll admit men and women have different ways of thinking and dealing with things. But every person is different also. But anyways, I know for a fact that men do not have an off switch. Some might, but I wouldn't be caught dead with someone like that. Men typically move on faster but the end of the last relationship hits them later on and it sometimes messes up their current one. I know this from personal experience, friends and articles I have read written by men. I don't think this guy has an on/off switch. He seems more aware of peoples feelings and is very careful not to hurt them. I think it took him a long time to finally say "this is not working or getting better, I'm not happy" I also get the feeling it was his first love.

There are a lot of "I think" and "I also get the feeling...". You are making this too complicated. He is either interested ("on") or he isn't ("off"). Guys actually typically don't move on faster, and there are a ton of articles to back up that men are actually hurt more than women in a bad breakup. And just because a guy is aware of people's feelings doesn't mean the end result is a simple yes or no. You assume too much and analyze things where its not needed.
01-04-12, 03:37 PM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There are a lot of "I think" and "I also get the feeling...". You are making this too complicated. He is either interested ("on") or he isn't ("off"). Guys actually typically don't move on faster, and there are a ton of articles to back up that men are actually hurt more than women in a bad breakup. And just because a guy is aware of people's feelings doesn't mean the end result is a simple yes or no. You assume too much and analyze things where its not needed.

[Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]