Finding it so hard to stop thinking of my ex

Hi everyone,

In brief, my boyfriend moved to another country temporarily for study reasons, and broke up with me last month before he went. I was devastated, and wanted us to stay together. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me when he got home and still wanted to talk to me all the time, but I said I had more self-respect than to be kept hanging on and waiting for him until he got back. In total he would be gone about a year, but would be back for a month in the summer and probably at christmas too. I also said I would visit him out there a few times, so in my mind, there was no reason for it, and if he loved me, he would have tried. When he left, he continued to phone me and tell me he loves me, and I told him to stop it because it was messing with my head. I got angry. About a week later, I called a truce and tried to still remain friends with him because I felt holding a grudge was doing more damage to me. After a while, he began doing it again, calling me baby and all this stuff. All of a sudden I got really mad, and told him he broke up with me so why should he mess with my mind like this? He got upset and said things like 'Please stop this, I love you.' and in the end I told him to go away, that I want no future with him and I don't want to see him again because he was using me as an emotional safety blanket, while still being free to do whatever he wants. I said I'd really seen through him for what he was- calculating and weak-willed. I said he was pathetic for breaking up with me and not being a man about it, and for saying he didn't want me to meet someone else because he hated the though of me being with anyone else. That just seemed so selfish. I just think I'm worth so much more than the way he treated me.

It felt good to finally have my say, but whatever I say, I still love him (pathetic, I know) and care for him very much, and although I have too much self-worth to go back to him or speak to him again, I really wish it didn't have to be that way. I always wanted a future with him. I think of him and miss him everyday. Has anyone got any advice for getting over someone that hurt you so badly but that you still love so much?

Thanks!!

Time and what you do with your time will help you to come to terms with this ending. Do fun things with your gf's, take a course, join a co-ed sports team, join a gym or look into meetupadventures.com (for instance) so that you're meeting like-minded singles who are wanting more than just a dating site to do their socializing.

You did the right thing for yourself in the long run so don't be back peddling on your decision. Get on with your life now and if you happen to still be available and he's still got you in mind when he's back home then you can re-consider when/if he should contact you and you happen to still be single. Don't wait around and mope any longer. Get out there and live.

P.S. When he pops into your head make a conscious effort to change the channel and think of something else.. like you're new hobbies/classes/meetup adventure for instance.

Cheers.

Nothing you can do about it other than resolve what ever is making her pop up in your head.