Does she really dislike me???

Hey, ya�ll :)

2 years ago I was kindda raudy, playing alot of chicks... yerh I was a player.
Until I meet two girls that I really liked... yes I liked both of them. The first one #1 was 19(I think) years old
and the other one #2 was 23 years old.

I only dated them for 1� to 2 months until I decided to choose one of them. She became my girlfriend and we were together for 2 years(recently broke up).
Once I made that decision I started ignoring the other girl #1 when she called and I didnt call her back. Yes I was a total dick.
I regreat it a lot till this day.
I have to be honest, I was suffering with with low selfesteam and despression(later I WAS diagnoses depressed) in that raudy period, which made me dodge confrontations. So I never really broke it of with the other girl. It Kindda just went, you know.

The thing is, I think I made a mistake back then. Due to the depression and low selfesteam I was horrible to the poor girl who really liked me and I was such a bastard to her.

A couple a month ago, I wrote her (#1) a long heartfelt letter on Facebook(as this was the only way I could contact her).
Explaining her how I felt back then, the despression, low selfesteam and all... hoping that she would listen and we maybe could take up contact
again, slowly.

I didnt hear from her in months... it seemed she didnt use facebook at all.

But now all of the sudden, she wrote me back on the old letter.
With a very angry voice, saying "**** off" and "my appology was noted but not accepted" and that I should just leave her alone.
Short and direct letter back.

Well, stupid as I am, I wrote her back, saying that I respected her wishes and the only reason why I wrote the first long letter in the beginning,
was to explain and appologize, beacuse I really needed her to know how much I have regreated it and felt she deserved an explanation.

Well theres is a lot more stuff I could write, but I think this paints the best picture of the situation.

Im just wondering, why she would reply in such a mad tone for something that happend more than 2 years ago.
I could understand she was mad back then, but now, 2 years later???

I dont want her out of my life, but if she really hates med that much, it saddens me that I might have to let her go :(

Or else You gals ;) might have an explanation to why she reacts so angry, and if there is something I could do or say, just to make her not hate me at first, and then maybe we could start to talk again(just a little).

Thanks in advance. I hope you gals have a good answer... something that would make me smile :)
Because I really want her back in my life... its wierd, we only date for 1� to 2 months... and it is over 2 years ago,
but I still feel something for her... It must mean somehting... right ?!?!?! :)

Cheers

The Not-a-bastard-anymore ;)

No, it doesn't necessarily mean anything that you want her back in your life. You dated for 1.5 to 2 months, so you're probably not missing the real her--just some idea of her you've concocted because you never got to know her very well.

I can't say she was right to be rude, but she was right to not want anything to do with you after being mistreated. (Would you really respect her if she came back to you after that? She'd probably have low self esteem herself in that case.)

You're different now--great. Go meet new people and make the *right* first impression on them. Once you meet a few good prospects, you'll forget about that other person really quickly. It's the sad but adaptive truth.

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This doesn't mean anything