Girlfriend of three years, could be over

Let's see . . .where to start? I'm twenty-one. I've been with the same girl for three years. We were both virgins when we met. I had three other girlfriends before I met her and she had about the same number of boyfriends. She was the friend of my last girlfriend. We met and things just went from there, we enjoy the same things and it has always, just been . . . natural.

A few months into the relationship, I went with a girl I met to visit a college in my senior year of highschool. I did like her, though I was with someone already. She was from Germany, and I've always had a thing for blondes. We started flirting and just as we were leaning in to kiss, we were interrupted. I told a friend about it and my girlfriend found out. She broke up with me, and went out with someone else. As I was starting college, we got back together.

Well, things went great for two years after that. We slept together, went out all of the time, and began to talk about getting married. We decided to wait until after we were done with college. I found out last Summer that, over Valentine's day (2004), she was at least interested in some other guy. We had a huge fight and took a break for a few weeks, and got back together.

All was well until I got a new job, and started working a lot. We hardly spoke and then I heard stories from mutual friends that she was with someone else, a coworker of hers. I asked her about it, and she's always denied it. After what had happened that Valentine's day, I could never completely trust her and have always been angry that after two years she could have done what she did. So, I still have my doubts about what had happened.

Angry, and wanting to make her jealous I invited an x-girlfriend over and she brought her friend. I was there with my cousin and my brother. My x-girlfriend got completely wasted and her friend drank a bit. I made some passes at both of them (before they were drinking, I wasn't being a complete ass). Anyway, they ended up kissing each other, while I watched. I never "did" anything, but I shouldn't have even been there.

The next day, I told my girlfriend, because I felt guilty and because I knew she was going to find out. I thought it would be better if she heard it from me. She broke up with me, and we still see each other regularly. We still love each other very much, and aside from the fact that we no longer have sex, we're pretty much still together. As far as I know, she's not with anyone else. I, however, am even more commited to her and am trying to keep us together.

The current big issue is that she is in D.C. with her church. We live in Texas. The guy people had been saying she was with while we were together is also on this trip. She won't be back until Saturday. She's called me a few times. She says she's been really busy, but it makes me wonder just what she's doing with him there.

There are a few other issues in our relationship. She's a protestant Christian, and I'm an atheist. At first, I was really insensitive to her beliefs, mostly because I was angry at the way my parents had raised me (in the same religion.) After having a talk with her, I've come to respect her beliefs completely, but now she's hinting that me being an atheist is a problem.

Also, her parents despise me. My parents love her. Her parents hating me is a huge problem, because she still lives with them, and they are very strict people.

So, what should I do? I really love her, but I know I'm having some severe trust issues with her, and I'm sure she is having problems trusting me after what I've done. I'd like to be with her, but she says she needs to see me be a little more mature after that night of drinking with an x, before she can be with me again.

1st and foremost i would lyke to give u props for having such a long 3 year relationship... i kinda know how that feels i currently have a gf of my own and her parents love me and my parents hate her alot. It's hard i know, and same for u we talk about marriages and things lyke that, and yeah we fight get into deep shit but we ended up getting back right up. Iono what to say cuz frankly in my relationship iono wats coming to hit me in the face, obviously for u its quite hit u quite a wayz. For now in your situation is just wait really.. see where love takes u man.. dats all i can say. If u do love someone and they love u back its just met for u to be together and the way u describe her/and your situations i'm going to say to just see where it takes u. Good Luke and Hope things go well for u... plz keep us updated

Now she's back, and I saw her yesterday. We went out for breakfast and came back to my house, where we cuddled together on my bed for a while. I kissed her, but she didn't kiss me back. I kissed her again, just to see if she would kiss me back, but still nothing. We lay there together, under the covers, with our legs entangled and our arms around eachother, yet she won't kiss me. Suddenly, she just kisses me over and over again, with these deep passionate kisses. She gets obviously excited and just as things get heated, she stops completely. I said nothing to upset her. We lay together for about fifteen minutes longer, and she tells me she has to go home to take a shower for work, which starts in four hours. She lives ten minutes away from my house, and fifteen minutes away from her job.

Now, I know I shouldn't have done this, but I drove by her house a little later and she was gone. I tried calling her, but I never heard from her for the rest of the day.

I drove to her work, and left a letter on her car, trying to be as sweet as possible, and asking if she would come over that night. She got off of work, and she didn't so much as call.

She called me this morning and I asked her what had happened, and she said, that her mother called her as soon as she got off and wouldn't stop talking, and that's why she couldn't call. The thing is, she sounded so sorry this morning and so . . . loving. I asked her if she still loved me, and she said "You know I do." I asked her if she still wanted to try to work things out and she said she does, but she's not sure that she can get over what happened. She said goodbye, and went to class. I never heard from her again.

I'm going to talk to her in the morning, if she actually answers the phone, and ask her what she wants me to do, because she keeps giving me all of these mixed signals. Honestly, I have a feeling that there is someone else and she's just toying with me until she knows how things work out with him.

So, what do I do if it's really over? How do I walk away from a three year relationship? I moved to this city, changed colleges and focused my whole life around being with this woman, and know what? I really thought we would be married just as soon as we could, but now I may be totally alone.

So, what do I do? I'm already freaking out. I've gone on a diet, mostly because I can't eat in the firstplace, and have started working out two hours a day. I was extremely depressed before I met her, and it feels like I'm turning back into the way I used to be, only now I can drink every night.