A long story, and an ever growing problem

To start things off, this is my first time ever posting about a personal life problem I've had. In this "story" I'd like to refer to myself as Ricky, and my love interest as Lucy.

A little background - She's 16, I'm 18. We've worked together at the same job for over a year now, and we regularly spend time together. She's been a friend of my sisters for quite some time too because we all three used to work together. My sister and Lucy being good friends for quite a while. Now remaining to be distant friends, perhaps.

Im a "nice guy" to certain people.. Im a (insert bad word) to other people. I'm sarcastic and cynical. I'm the one that makes people laugh. I'm the one who stands firm, and stands ground. I'm not a pushover, nor am I a child. I act wise for my age, and I know how to have a serious conversation. I don't lack any "man points" that make me seem like a wuss. I'm a pretty bulky guy, with big arms and a little fat on me.. but im not disgusting. Im not worried about my looks, or my personality. Im looking for something to stop me from snowballing this ever growing problem of not being able to find the right time to tell her "Look, you should date me... we work so well together, and I know we could make each other soooooo happy".. but it's so hard to do, because I feel like I'll break the friendship we have.

Now, onto my problem.

I've liked Lucy for a LONG time, and my feelings have never changed. I've asked her out once, and I was denied.. subtly, and playfully, as to why I didn't take this and run with it is because I've always believed that if something is worth fighting for, you actually have to fight for it. During our relationship as friends, she was never really open with me about her problems or secrets.. we just talked a little bit, and I invited her out once and we ended up having a good time, and from there anytime I want to go somewhere.. I look to her. I think about her a lot. I apply the dreams that I want out of life to her. It doesn't neccesarily hurt to feel this way, because I know that I've always got another shot at winning her over. Again, I want to fight for what I want.

Several things bother me about our relationship..
First off, she was secretly dating a guy that was about double her age, and kept it a secret from me. At first when we met, I started getting protective over her because I hate to see a sweet girl like her get hurt. I've not stopped since. Eventually after about 7 months, they finally broke up because he wanted to date a girl his own age. Which was a glorious day for me.. but not like you would think. I was so happy for her, because it meant that she could move on. This day started differently though. She called me at work (now, she always knows my schedule.. so I knew it was important. She knew I was at work.. even if she fakes that she doesn't remember. She also NEVER calls me.) So I picked up and she asked "if I was at work", "yes" being my reply. She hung up on me, and I text her, saying that I'd call her when I got off.. I knew something was wrong, I could hear it in her voice. When she came up to pick me up from work so we could talk, she was balling her eyes out, just wanting to talk to me. TO ME. I felt.. ontop of the world. She WANTED me. Regardless of why.. she did. (Later telling me that she probably wouldn't have came to me, if her other two good friends had picked up). I told her I was so happy she came to me, because I know that I can help her. I don't know others can. So.. we spend a good solid few days, hours long each, talking about this jerk of a guy, and how she deserved better. I just wanted to SCREAM that I could make her feel like she was on cloud nine. But I couldn't. I knew it would jeopradise our friendship because she's socially awkward. This relationship is the first one she's ever had.. and it hurt, but shes getting over it, and I've been at her side the entire time.

The second thing that bothers me is her socially awkward ways. She doesn't like to be "lovey dovey" with things. She flirts with insults, really. She doesn't want to have anyone hang all over her, unless its a female friend, because people won't get "ideas" about us. Now.. I have bent over backwards for this girl, even when she was in her hidden relationship, to make sure she was taken care of. I bought her Valentines day gift, I bought her flowers (first time shes ever gotten them) just because she said she liked them, I bought her a birthday present, and took her out multiple times a week to dinner, offering to pay each and every time. I've offered to go do things with her because she didn't want to sit at home alone. I've offered to go with her to do things she was unsure if she would want to do. I've offered to go to her softball games if she started to play again. I've protected her every day, and made sure that nobody has hurt her, emotionally or physically. I've given her my ear, my shoulder, and my heart.
The first time I asked her on a date (again.. unknown to myself at the time.. she was interested in the old guy.) She said no..but she was smiling and giggling while she said it. And then she made it awkward for herself.. and we sat down and I told her that I just was interested in her and that it didn't break my heart to not go on a date.. that being friends is fine with me. I love her.. I don't want to lose her, without ever at least having her.
The third thing that bothers me is her lack of appreciation. She's never thanked me for helping her out.. she's thanked me for gifts on holidays, etc. But shes never said the things that she says about some other male friends of hers, that she says about me. See.. my sister (the one shes friends with) is dating a guy we used to work with that broke my sisters heart, but they're together again.. we'll call him "D". Well D... I POSITIVELY HATE. But Lucy, will say that she loves him.. he was so fun to work with!.. but he's never done anything for her. He doesn't make sure she's okay, he doesn't pay any attention to her, they talk every once in awhile. She always says she loves these guys that haven't done anything for her, or she says they're sweet. She has never said she's loved me. She has never said that im sweet... the closest I got was when she got Flowers from me and said "Awww, how sweet!"


Im really not sure what to do. I can't think of a single thing that makes me want to keep her... other than that she is her. She is Lucy. Lucy is She. I want no other, I see no other. I don't know why, and I don't care why.. I just do. Primal instinct if you will.

But not everything is bad.. I mean, she does actually talk to me about serious issues, not just what stupid thing she's done today that she'll tell everyone. She has told me before that I was important to her, right after she told me that she had me wrapped around her finger (Who am I to honestly deny?). When we're alone, she tells me stories about her childhood, and she looks to me for advice. She does do some "flirting" too.

--Just the other day at my other sisters wedding, she spent the whole night talking to D, while I looked pissed off because of it. Granted that made her uncomfortable (she is socially awkward!), so at the end of the night she left quickly and I text her an apology (she says we're okay... still to be debated).. But during that whole wedding, we did have some nice moments where we let loose and just danced. We shared a slow song, where her arms were wrapped around my shoulders, and mine around her waist.. though it felt like she was two feet away, it also felt like she was right there on my heart.. I had fun with her, and im really glad she came, but I cant help but feel that I may have messed things up, because I told her I was jealous of how she talked to the other guy (though to my defense, im just trying to be honest)..Also at this wedding she went through my phone to find pictures of herself and another friends.. we'll call him Q. Since Lucy was on my phone, she proceded to tell me that she loved "this one, and this one, and this one, and this one", I replied with "Ofcourse, because Q is in all of them." .. she said "But I love Q!" and gave me a weird look. Then she went and found a few pictures where me and her (along with another friend) were together, holding each other and what not and she said that she loved those ones.. and sent them all to her phone. Which, shows that she cared that it bothered me. I just want to feel like she wants me around.. in one way or another. --

The little things she does.. like tap her glass three times after she sets it down, and how she makes everything a detective game to get information out of her, for me.. it all makes me smile. It drives me to love this girl. I don't have that burning sensation that makes me agonize over not having her.. but, I want her, every single day. I lust for her.

She told me she didn't know why I was so nice to her, because she feels that she's mean to me. She even fought with me one day and told me that I needed to stop being nice to her... I told her right quick that it's not up for discussion. I am who I am. I will do anything for this girl.. but im not a pushover all the time. You won't tell me that I need to do something like that, when alls im trying to do is take care of you.

She's told me that "you're one of the few people who truly care".. which meant SO much to me. That being wanted feeling is amazing.

At the wedding she was having a piece of cake, and I asked her if it was good.. she said it was alright, and asked why they didn't bring me one.. I shook my head and said it was no big deal.. so she picked up a piece of wedding cake and smeared it on one of my cheeks, and then another.. (That is total, cutesy flirty business that I love).. it made me happy.. So very happy. She was being playful and loving with me.. and then later we got to slow dance for a few minutes.

I know she's still not ready to date again.. it took her so long to date one guy, its not gonna be easy this time either... But, I feel jealous and threatened when anyone says anything crooked to her like "can I have your phone number", etc. Being the ninja that I am. I call the "hey mate, we're friends.. follow the bro-code, don't interfere with my hunt", and all is well. But I can't pull that on random guys. I can't stop her from talking to other guys (though I know she did with a stranger, and she ended up feeling creeped out and told me about how shes not ready). Im worried if I tell her how I feel too soon, I'll ruin it by her not wanting any love.. but if I wait too long, there could be another (just like the last time.. I had my chance before that old guy. I missed it.)

Needless to say.. I have this perfect plan where she's all sad and says something like "I'll never find anyone, nobody wants me." .. I reply with "That's a lie." "How is it.. who would want me?"... "I do. I have for a long time. I've fought for you day in and day out, just to have a lasting friendship, because YOU hate to lose people (and I promised her I would never leave.) and with that, I've grown to enjoy your companionship, and I've grown to love the way you look, the way you smell. The way you smile bashfully when you're feeling embarrassed or don't know what to say... I know you don't exactly "want me", but I know that we could grant each other a very happy life.. if you'd just give me the chance, I would show you in a heartbeat.", and ofcourse she would be stunned and maul it over quietly for a few minutes, and then give in and say that it's worth a shot.

Sadly. That's my plan. My dream. But what if those key words "nobody wants me" ever come up.. What if that moment when she's feeling lonely and Im there to comfort her, never comes.. What if she gets hurt tomorrow, or moves away, and I never get to tell her how I feel..

How does she feel? What am I doing wrong, that causes her to pay me different attention to everyone else (usually being the two of us alone)? How do I make her feel comfortable enough to give me a chance? How do I pursue her, without losing the great things we have? How do I make this work? .. . . Hopefully someone out there knows how to get the girl that's a pain in the butt, but a warmth in the heart.