Girlfriend really dislikes my friends of 15 years ...
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 2.5 years and just moved in together about 5 months ago. Everything is good for the most part, we got a dog etc etc.
BUT
She seriously dislikes my friends. Background on friends: They are all around my age (27) single, in school or finishing school, total nerds (socially awkward sometimes), and still live with their parents.
Background on her: 25, struggling waitress, just getting into grad school, probably overly mature for her age (so i've heard from my people and her people), smart, pretty, funny, loving, by no means is as successful as I am.
Me: 27 Successfully self employed in I.T., car, lived on my own since 18, nerdy (I mean come on I work in I.T.).
I get that they aren't at her or my maturity level. I am steadily self employed, successful, have a car, have lived on my own for about 8 years. These guys are my childhood friends. They can be immature at some points and they do take advantage of me to an extent which I understand. I am usually the one forking over the cash for the 30 pack, or providing the place to hang out because no one else has a place. Her friends have all graduated, are employed or trying to get employed, working, married, have kids etc etc.
I feel like a total tool when this girl makes me feel like I am acting childish considering how I am doing well in life, but she still finds ways to make me feel like I don't make 100k a year, and dont work with million dollar clients, and I dont have my shit together. Hell, I pay most of the rent and all of the utilities.
It seems like every time me and my friends hang out, whether it is at our place (which really irritates her), or we go out she gets incredibly mad with me. She's mad that they do take advantage of me, and I know I let it, and Im ok with it because I really am the only one that has any cash or a place. They are immature, I know, they aren't to great at engaging in conversation with her because they are mostly self kept nerds, they don't do a great job of greeting her when she gets home late at night (waitress), but they aren't mean to her.
She says they bring me down to their level when I hang out with them and she doesn't like who I am when I am with them, which honestly I feel is kind of a B.S. statement because when she does get home from work for example I really try to give her attention and include her but she would rather lock herself in the bedroom and complain about it later that she doesn't feel comfortable, and doesn't feel like she can relax in he own place when they come over (once every couple weeks). When her friends come over I try to engage with them, they like me, I get along with them, and never ever tell her she can't have her friends over (once a week).
Last week I was with my friends, had a friend in from out of town I hadn't seen in a year, and did my best to keep them out of our apartment, we went to a local billiards. We stayed out very late after billiards and I took them to a park to hang out and talk which we did until around 3:30am. She was furious, "Your too old to be acting like that", "If you are going to be out that late get a hotel." I pay most of the damned rent! She had a point that she had to work early-ish (1030am), but I tried to sneak in quietly to not disturb her but I woke the dog up :( ... She said it was incredibly rude of me to come back to my own place that late. Something I do maybe a couple times a year, I mean, Im only 27.
She want's me to become close friends with HER friends boyfriends, they are more mature, have jobs, have grown up things, but generally aren't as available, or as convenient to me as my childhood friends. I know she would never admit it but she would be more than happy if I just stopped seeing them altogether.
This has always been a small problem in our relationship, shes not happy with my nerdy friends, but now since we've moved in together it seems as though shes trying to take more and more control over my life and mold me into the person she wants me to be. Just the other night, still mad at me over my 3:30am session snapped on me for putting soy sauce on my green beans saying I need to start acting like I am 30 and I can't be eating like that and I need to watch my health (Im 6'1 190lbs, a longshot from being unhealthy.) Shes my biggest critic when shes mad at me. A few more discussions with her about my friends will ultimately lead to our demise. I can feel it, and she'll be gone with the dog.
How do I mix these relationships? They don't need to hang out with each other but even when I hang out with them elsewhere I feel that she gets incredibly angry just by me hanging out with my immature nerdy friends.
So lost,
J
