My story and why would someone abandon u and throw you out for no reason?
I hadn’t dated in 3 yrs and decided what the heck let me give a dating site a try. I signed up and one of the first emails I got was from my now ex. He seemed great. Good job with the state for 6 years. Lived in the same city is whole life. Same home for past 6 years. No criminal record. Never been married, no kids.
Keep in mind I had a good job, my own home, and my own car, I was independent, took care of myself. It has been hell trying to find a job in this economy. I try every day and have some possibilities and hope something pans through. I hate not having any money for anything and hate not having my life back.
I was 42 and he was 34 now 43 and 35. I met him online in April of 2011. We went out a few weeks later. Hit it off pretty good. Not much of a talker, not much of a conversationalist. I carred the convo. We went out a couple times. I wasn’t sure about him so I tried to push him away and he pushed on and on at me. So I gave in went out again had a nice time, we kept going out. Our first date was at a mechanics ( I didn’t mind tagging along with him) then dinner.
We started dating , spent all our time together. I fell in love with him. August , 2011 I fell down his stairs and broke my thumb and foot. Had surgery same day on my thumb. I am subject to permanent arthritis the rest of my life in my hand and foot. It wont ever feel normal again. I ended up having to move in with him so he could take care of me. I had no idea how long it would take to recover and could not take care of myself on my own. I lost my home, and job due to this.
Things went well for the most part. There are a couple incidences that were red flags, but love is blind. About a month into dating we were to meet my son and his gf at the movies. My son and gf were late so we didn’t get in to the movie. After my son left my ex lost his temper and hollered and screamed at me in front of the movie theater in front of people. I was so embarrassed! I told him after u will never beheave like that around me again. He says he doesn’t care what others think of him. Most do.
A couple months later he came home from his bowling league and was stomping and slamming and cussing and hollering. I had no idea why. He had told me as well he just urinated in front yard (where neighbors may have seen). I find out next day he got very drunk in 2 ½ hrs and threatened to kill someone at bowling and got kicked out of the league. He claims he remembers none of it. He has blown this off as if nothing. He has a bad temper, im sure u all have picked up on this fact.
But Aug 1 to Jan 2012 I recovered from my broken bones. Since Jan I have searched and searched for a job and havent been able to find one. I sent out 240 apps in april alone while living with him. We agreed once I got a job I was to pay utilities and groceries and then that way he could pay off his mortgage sooner. This obviously wasn’t happening. I have some temporary health female issues and couldn’t have sex the last month either but was temporary. Still have to have surgery to remove cyst but I lost my ins because of all this. So I feel he threw me away because neither was happening. This man is a very very cheap man as well. On vacation to his aunts we spent the week there and only went out once for bowling and his gpa paid for that. Other than that we sat at his aunts, watched tv the whole time and him on his cell phone. He is very very addicted to his cell phone and he does not see that. He defends this as well. He cant keep his nose out of it. He will pick it up, set it down 1 min later picks it up again.
This man is also very OCD. I put up with a lot. For example, when we first started dating for a few months he would stand there and wipe up after me while I was still cooking. He picks up invisible specks of dirt off tables and runs to throw them away. I am sure some time they r real. It is like he does this when nervous or something. He also turns of the router every night and when we go out, he thinks the green lights on are wasting too much elec. He unplugs plugs from walls even if something is turned off for example my computer. I cant have heat on in the winter even if 30 degree.. I got to where I would turn it on after he went to sleep. If he is home and sees me get in the shower on the wrong side according to him he flips out. And also I have never seen anyone do this, he wears a clear plastic glove when pumping gas so he doesn’t touch anything. He has had the same couches for years and cant get comfortable on them. He fidgets and takes some times 20 mins to settle. He will take the cushion replace it with on eon the chair or love seat, do this several times and still mad at himself cause he doesn’t feel right. He will stand in the middle of the room and rearrange pillows from chari to couch etc and back again and im like what r u doing, u r going to drive me crazy. He is college educated but has never read a book through in his life. I find this odd. There is so much more. I cant just throw myself on him to cuddle like normal couples do, just sprawl out on him, he cant deal with that. I rarely held his hand, he couldn’t longer than a min without letting go. To be a bit graphic but will try to tastefully if possible. In the heat of the moment he has to stop grab a towel and always puts it on bed so not to ruin anything. During love making he reaches down to readjust more than once. That drove me nuts and is so weird. U lose the moment, what about spontaneity?
The day this al happened we had just spent a great night out night before. I traded stocks some and happened to buy one that went down a bit and was down $300. U don’t always win in stock market. He doesn’t understand concept of hold , this was his acct I was doing for him. I had told him a month ago I didn’t want to for him, it was too hard, he was too difficult for it, didn’t understand and with him watching over it constantly at work and freaking out I couldn’t do it and didn’t want to. He begged me to again so I did but said it was on u not me. He came home that day started in on my about bills and money and why did I buy that stock . I just couldn’t take it any more when there isn’t a thing I can do about the bills and he keeps rubbing it in my face. Don’t forget this man has a good job and he ahd $10000 in the bank too. He led me to believe he was so poor but I saw his bank statement.
We got in to an argument, I told him we were done which I had done a couple months ago and he begged me to stay, cried at the couch all night. We were just getting in to stocks then so he thought I would make him a lot of money is why. He went out for 2 hrs to his families, which was planned, I didn’t go though. He comes home, starts packing a suit case, locks file cabinet etc up. Says he is staying at his moms. I creid and he didn’t care. Next day we emailed a bit he said he wasn’t ignoring me just wanetd more time to talk to me is all. I thought he was coming home that afternoon to talk and he didn’t, he went to a movie! I waited and waited for him. I got worried he wouldn’t answer phone, msgd his mom she must have told him and I get an email saying “I wont be coming to my home tonight.” That was it. Last I heard from him. Next day I get an email from a lawyer saying he has advised him not to talk due to legal implications. There were no legal implications. We had nothing in the same name together. And he told me I had to be out by Monday. Before he left my ex told me to get out. He goes to me before he left “you know too much”
I know he cheated on his only 2 real relationships he was in and I believe me, I found dating web sites and emails of him trying to contact girls. I have no idea what was on his cell phone. He did this during his 6 yr relatiosnip. He claims he never loved her. He also claims the last woman cheated on him as well. Always has an excuse. I also know too much because I think I have figured out about his last gf who killed herself. She was in a different state when it happened but I think he is inadvertently responsible. They were together about a year. He rescued her from a relationship she was in and brought her to his house to live. She was a recovering drug addict. She had a 5 yr old son. I don’t believe they spent that many days together as a couple though. I know he mentioned in an email she was gone the whole summer up north to see her son. I believe they got together in fall of 2009. In summer of 2009 she takes him off relationship status in June I believe. He kept after her why, why do u not want to be with me anymore. She died july 23. One of the last emails was he was telling her he read her letter and about the fact she didn’t know how she felt about him.
He had also written to a friend he was in a complicated relationship. He also had a cyber thing going with a woman in Russia, sexually explicit things he would tell her while he was with this girl. He kept sending emails out to friends asking them out on dates. He was on a dating web site whole time with her and while with his long term relationship prior to that. He posted pics of these women he liked to his FB profile off the dating web site. I saw these but he deletd them now. I am sure the girl saw this as well. I feel she was either heartbroken because he cheated and she saw he was on dating site sby his FB or she didn’t know how to get away from him and did what she did. Granted it could be many other things I don’t know about. I didn’t know her. I also know they were on the outs at the time of her death but he played the sad boyfriend and played it up. Inviting everyone to her funeral gathering and get together. Got all the sympathy from everyone. Yet at the time prior to and after he was asking women out and a week after she died he was back in wit hthe Russian woman telling her how much he needed to be with her. He did not love this girl. He has never loved a woman and incapable I believe.
He is also a fraud. He portrays on the web sites he wants a family but he knew since child hood he couldn’t have kids. We had talked bout it as well in beginning I even made him get a test an dit turned out he cant. He says on dating sites undecided/open to kids. I stood by him through all his faults, his health stuff but he couldn’t me. So I guess I knew too much, money mattered more, he just used me? He has told me many times I wont use him. He thought the last girl the one who killed herself was using him. He told me I wasn’t. I paid him back every dime I ever borrowed. I never used him. I loved him. So I guess he got me, he threw me away before I had a chance to him like other women only thing I would have never.
But as everyone tells me he has so many issues, is disturbed and I am lucky. I am and glad it was only almost a year but it still hurts and I still don’t know why and never will as this man is a coward.
Any thoughts, as to why? Comments, ridcule, I welcome all opinons.
