Boyfriend angry and shutdown
About 7 months ago, I met a man named P. It started with a bar conversation in NYC. He was a handsome west coast based tech exec in town on business and I am a sassy NYC city girl. He quickly texted me for lunch date the following day and moved his meetings so that we can have 3 hour lunch before he flew out. When he said, he thinks I am gorgeous and he would like to date me, I told him that I am not looking for a LDR and we can be friends. When we met, I was three months out of a 3 yr relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy and was dating a lot. What happened the next week is that I inadvertently texted P. something that was meant for another guy I was seeing. I got busted! I told P. that I am a tired city girl and he deserves better than me. The incidence actually made us open up to each other more and tell each other what we wanted (commitment, family, etc). That didn’t stop him from pursuing any further and what ensued was the most old fashioned long distance courtship that I never knew existed. We talked every single day afterwards and two months later I flew to Seattle to see him and we had our first kiss after two months. Things were pretty good afterwards, other than that P.’s travel plan to see me in NYC kept getting postponed due to his work travel schedule (mainly to Asia and Australia) and he was put on a big project and started working 24/7 starting about mid Feb and was no longer available for daily talking and just wasn’t as available anymore.
When we stopped talking as much, i got off the honeymoon high. it was less about him - it was me. I woke up and saw what i signed up for without having thought about it at all. I felt trapped. I tend to destroy things when I am not sure. I was wavering. I took out the anger at him (for putting me in the situation) and lashed out at him a few times and each time he spent a great deal of energy to placate me rather than talk about a plan to make us work. To be fair to him, I never asked for an honest discussion of how we are going to make this work either. At first things were going too well for me to be concerned about that and later, I was not in the right mindset to talk (and he was busy). So one day after a huge fit while he was in Sydney, I sent him an email asking for a break. He didn’t say a word. When I pressed him a few days later about a reply. He wrote. “Look, I'm mad and frustrated and in the middle of meetings in Tokyo. In the last few months you flipped out about vday when i gave you my shipping address, accused me of stuff on my birthday, have freaked out and not taken my word for what is going on and acted badly all around - including telling me that you are walking away. I need to cool off myself as I am frustrated”
Since then, I have done my reevaluation of the relationship and my conclusion is that P. is totally worth any type of sacrifices that I have to make. Being alone all the time now and having to move in a few yrs, etc, But it took me a while to get there. He makes me feel safe and home. I feel grounded in a way that I never felt before.
The issue is P. is still fuming with anger. He ignored the gift I sent him for his father's 3 yr death anniversary. He doesn’t want to break up but he won’t talk to me/hear my apology either. He says he needs to calm down before but it has been 3 wks. Each time I try to talk to him has led him screaming “You said we were done”!!! so I cut off any type of contact with him for past 8 days after sending him an email to call me when he is ready (and took him out of gchat, etc so that I can completely disappear and he can be left alone for now).
P. is 41 and I am 32. When we met, I asked him why are you still single and he said he was too engrossed in work but now is trying to figure things out. I am single because I waited for “my Mr. big like ex” for 3 yrs to come around and commit to me but he never did. P. and I both very much want to have a big family.
What do you guys think?
