Would do anything to hold him again...

Hello all.

Im quite new to this and not great at explaining myself when upset but here goes...

im going through immense heart break after my relationship with bob ended 2 months ago after 2 years. we weren't the most compatible of couples - we liked different things, brought up differently but our love was so strong. we moved in together after 18 months and it all started to go down hill. he owned the house and i felt like a tenant rather than a partner - i was paying rent each month and helped as much as i could. we argued a lot about our lifestyles id complain he was out too much and i wasnt doing enough from his end. but i could see us drifting with each time i came hime hed be out the door within 5 minutes. as i say we werent the ,ost talkative of couples but we did when it mattered and we had a lot of fun, but i could see it all fading and tried to get through to him but there was never a good time he banned me from contacting him at work and when we were together in the evenings he just wanted to relax and chill not wanting a full blown conversation. i began to get upset cried a lot because i was so frustrated and worried that we were deteriorating and we were. after xmas it got worse, he asked me to stay out few days a week at my parents which i did and when i returned he barely had any time for me. he began to say i dont have the time for a relationship but i persuaded him to keep at it as i loved him so much. but he began to go out with his mates more leaving me out and not wanting me to go along. i let him do this as i felt it was giving him his own space. until st patricks day i was out with a friend and a few hours previous i had dropped him off at the pub with a friend he sed he'd let me know what hed be up to for the evening. by this time it was 930 and id heard nothing. i was in a pub garden and i saw him walk past with another girl...i was annoyed, i txt him saying i had jus seen him and asked where he was heading. a while later we decided to go to the bar where he was. i was trying to be friendly and sociable with his friends as i didnt get to c them much and wanted to be a part of the group in some way. however bob went mad and asked y did i come i wasnt invited and tht i was following him. i sed i was sorry and it wasnt like tht i just wanted to try with his friends and it was a special day st patricks. anyway, he ended it there and then, me in the middle of a crowded bar balling my eyes out and he sed i still love u i just have to do this. next day i woke and left the house. i returned the next day to get my things and came back only to see our cat when he was at work. i was in shick initially, my brithday was coming up a few days later and i wanted to stay happy for that. i got through that without a tear! but then it really sunk in i didnt see bob at all on my birthday. since that i have txted and tried to get to the bottom of everything as we never spoke properly about it all when together. he stuck to his story no time, and sed it wasnt my fault. we went out for dinner he out his arm round me. i told him i still love him and he said we need time apart and i need to find my own life before we can be together....im hurting soo much and all i want to do is change so i can have him back!! sorry if ive left out gaps but thats the jist of it! i still feel like he loves me when ive been sad he says c ur not happy with me but then agrees to c me and he knows i am overwhelmed witbh happiness to c him, last time i saw him i was distraught i just cnt feel better its a nightmare!! :( aany advice or wise words would be soo appreciated!